All Comments on 'My Dignified Busty Mum Ch. 01'
by jd8406
- 31 Comments
You have so many run-on sentences that it distracts from the story. You are overusing commas. Get an editor.
Um Hmm I'm gathering your knowledge in the sexual arena is minimal. For example, a guy does not 'pop his cherry', he loses his virginity - did you confuse the sexes, maybe? The guy was young and his mother was not aware of his income/winnings, seriously? The tax man must be asleep at the wheel in your country.
Anyway, keep working on it and persevere, you'll get there.
I love this sroty!!! I had fantasies of my mother, but nothing ever happened.
This was a great story, cannot believe is your first. All you characters like ducks are in order. Looking forward to next installment.
Excellent start. Very well done and I can't wait for more. I'm adding you to my favorite list.
good flow of ideas. Your grammar is very poor. You use commas where a period would be more appropriate. Suggest you get an editor. Keep writing!
great start. I can't wait for the next chapters to include Judy and Kay in all ways. It may just be a big coincidence but all of your character names appear in multiple stories by author Jack1107. You might want to check them out for inspiration with your story building. Or maybe you are Jack1107 writing under a new name LOL. 5 stars
Good story, but you need an editor. Continuous run on sentences are hard to digest.
About as much passion and reality as one would find on a piece of wet cardboard. It feels and reads as though it were written by someone whose only knowledge of women and sex comes from reading very poor writing on trashy internet sites. Read other writer's stories so you can understand how to build up the relationships. Make the people real rather than wooden cut outs. And try to make the dialogue plausible.
I love the story and your ideas, however, your presentation and the flow of the story is choppy. I know it will become better the more that you write. It is the flow of ideas that make the story, right now, it is like a summation being told rather that the flow of the story. Stay with it and keep writing.............():\
Wonderful story. I enjoyed reading it. Very interesting plot. Looking forward to each additional chapter. 5 stars.
Loved the oral…I was endlessly entranced by mom’s dark hairy bush…She knew the power She had over me…She knew it even later in life after it seemed I had a normal married life.. I started stopping by for special visits..Deep inside her was so much better than wifey….we’re together now..people talk about the “older woman”…it’s beyond hot being with her..
JT
Absolutely fabulous, so sucking fucking hot. Cunt crazed fucker, Lancashire, UK.
4/5, would have been a 5/5 but for the overuse of "gobble", "nibble" and "pop". Your description of the sex needs a bit of work as week, they seem way too short and incomplete.
You will surely get better. We all start hesitantly and make all kinds of grammatical mistakes and structural sentence errors. Stick with it!
Would give 5 🌟,, did give to the first read story but after second then now third,, it's nearly the same scenario, over 50%,,stiey even got the same name for character,, different title same scenarios getting bored