All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 12'
by AuroraIncident
- 41 Comments
So much fun to read. Love the characters and how they have unfolded. Looking forward to the next chapters.
I am totally happy to be your sounding board for all the ideas that just needed to be knocked into some sort of shape. The progression of this story is really pleasing and has an air of reality about it that some other stories on here have failed to achieve. Really looking forward to the next chapter, even if I already know some of the directions you have considered (for other's, even though AuroraIncident and myself bat a wide variety of ideas for scenarios around, I still don't see the chapter until it is published).
The story so far is nearly to one hundred and forty thousand words. I am expecting that we may see at least another thirty thousand words added to that before the series will reach its end. Keep up the good work.
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Devir Ginator
One of the best ever here.
'
"You know it." Jessica laughs. "Cry havoc and let slip the Sar-bear of war!"
"Those poor, unwitting souls." Jake laughs as he pulls into Staci's already nearly full driveway.'
Funny, sexy, and a good read.
Your story sounds as if it's set near Walkertown, NC, where the old Bel-Air Drive-In still stands. Very good story.
You keep us on edge wondering what is going to happen next...anticipation!!!
Aurora Incident has created some really likable characters for us to cheer for and one downright bad guy to root against. Often, such clear divisions between good and bad can be simplistic and lack the substance more complex characters can bring to a story, but that isn't the case here and it isn't that kind of story.
This fun coming of age story just has the right amounts of humor and plot to elevate it beyond the average high school romance. That takes a fair amount of writing craft and we need this brand of simply fun story telling just as much as any other kind. Now I just need to decide if the climax of the story that I would prefer would be Jake crane-kicking Patrick in the head or losing his cherry to Jessica.
This series just keeps getting better and better. As others have noted, it's incredible how well the characters have all been crafted.
This was a great chapter, my only real complaint was a few more spelling issues than usual...
The story itself was great. I’m looking forward to the next part as always, and I hope (i’m sure most of us hope) to see some more “action” in the next piece (as in drama, interesting plot points, not necessarily sex)
Have a good time writing chapter 13!
AuroraIncident has been improving his technical skills while entertaining us with some well plotted stories. His imagination is a joy. Once he gains full control of his points of view and tenses, he will among the very best. I am very much enjoying the story and greatly appreciate the improvement in the delivery. He is very good and with a bit more effort and attention to detail, he'll be on the top. I look forward to the next chapter.
Now more more more more now more now more now now now now more now more now
I read each part the day it comes out. Then comes the hard part - waiting!
Thanks again, "AuroraIncident".
(Although I first noticed this being posted (in the early-AM of June 12th in North America's Eastern Time Zone) -- before anyone had commented on this installment, I have not yet gotten around to finishing this installment (I hope to within a week (I won't have access for a few days). )
I honestly don't think I have much to add to the comments which have already appeared (both the praise (especially that from readers of a literary-critical bent [Smile] ) for the plot and the characters -- and the (friendly) humor... -- and (well) that some review and editing would be a good idea if this were ever to be published outside of Literotica (I noticed a mis-typing of a "p" for an "o", and a number of other small technical mistakes).
Overall.... -- Keep up the good work! [Smile.]
E.
I really like this story but I hate it when you drop how Patrick has this big plan and then 3 parts later we still dont come to that part. In conclusion I am becoming one of those readers who is annoyingly impatient lol. Keep up the great writing.
was no longer mentioned. Halloween is a busy high school football time, yet there was no mention of a football game that weekend. It seemed like the great game he played when he replaced Patrick would move him into starting at QB. That was one of the threads of the story that had me hooked.
Leaving us to suffer until the next chapter??? Well played sir well played
It is a joy to read these stories but I think that you can be a bit more descriptive with the outfits of the main characters. For instance, I am assuming that a Batgirl outfit is quite revealing, but you did not give any details on how Jessica looked in that costume and Jake did not make any comments on that either which seems to be a bit unrealistic. Similarly, the parts on how Jessica looked like in her volleyball outfit was not detailed, as well.
These series could be even better with a bit more detail on how the characters look like in these type of significant moments. Apart from this minor issue, these stories are fun to read, thank you for your effort!
You missed one here, Friday Football would have been as important as their party.
I love this story. It has me hooked with the first part. I hope that this story keeps going for a long time. I love it and I cant wait for the next part.
This has become my favorite story here, even more than The Island. And I hope that it continues for quite some time. The witty dialog itself is worth the read (but please don't skimp on the hot stuff).
A couple of thoughts on recent developments: you did omit any mention of a football game on Halloween weekend, along with an update to the growing quarterback controversy. A way to handle that would be to simply say that was a bye week, and the football story will be back in earnest on Monday. Also, my nerdy part noticed that in the Homecoming game, Jake's passing stats were 7 of 7, for 178 yards and 3 touchdowns. Using the NCAA rating system, that gives him a rating of 455.0 for the game, which is *huge*. Factor in the game being played in a rainstorm, and Jake should get some sort of player-of-the-week mention.
Anyway, keep up the good work.
And the mystery continues,thank god. Keep up the excellant {sic) work.
I have followed this story since the very beginning, and I did make a few suggestions on the direction of the story and a few tips on timing, I don’t know if you took these into consideration, or if they were already planned. However, this story has turned out beautifully, better than I ever hoped it could be! This is by far my favorite story on this site, and possibly even my favorite of all time.
I just wanted to say something about Patrick, by this time Jake knows Patrick is out to get him, so I believe that he should be ready for an attempt to hurt either him or Jessica, but perhaps Patrick tries to hurt Sarah and make it look as though it’s Jake’s fault... This may be a useless suggestion, as I believe you’ve already stated that your plans for the story have already been made. Yet, this was just a suggestion.
Overall, a great series, and people need to remember that this level of writing (I.E. Little to no grammar mistakes, great story, impeccable description, and drama) takes time to make. Most to all of the authors on this site make little to no money off this and do it for the enjoyment of others, and on their own free time. Please be patient, more from this great author will come soon!
Thank you for your time and effort so far on the series,
~Serryllian
This story is written with just the right touch, that is so pleasurable to read. The characters have depth and the dialogue is exceptional. Enough said.
what a great chapter, great plot, love the characters and the way you write. thanks for a great read
I am liking the story, but not liking the 3rd person Descriptors
Every time you mention Staci’s Mom, I cant help smile as I think about the song lol
Great Story, I cant remember how many times I’ve read it now
One of the best ever. I can't believe how well you describe the trials and tribulations of the teens. Well done.
Really enjoying the story so far and looking forward to seeing how you deal with stuff at the end.
I'm not sure how much exposure you have to first graders. You write Sara like she is 3 or possibly 4 years old. First graders are more intelligent and more mature than how you have written Sara. Unless of course she has some sort of social issues like possibly high functioning ASD. Also, I can't remember when my kids had more than a few minutes of homework when they were in first grade and if they did have homework it was usually just once or twice a week.
You have a real talent for writing a gripping, funny and endearing story.
Shame I can only give it 5 Stars !
I'm loving this story, I wish it was a little more exciting. You also really need to get a proof reader.