One Day I'll Never Forget

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Hey Kelly, it's me again. I know that first letter probably left you hurt and confused. I want to apologize for that. Are things okay with you?

I know they haven't told you but I've been communicating with your adoptive parents lately. What's going on with you? From what I hear you are so smart that you got accepted into Stanford. They tell me it's this boy you're dating.

I'm disappointed to hear that. You are such a talented pretty girl. Yes, I called you pretty. I learned that you had self esteem problems in the past. No need, you have beauty and brains.

Decisions! Are you sure that you've made the right ones? I hear the last guy hit on you and the guy before that used you for sex. Maybe I should make it a must to physically be in your life.

You probably don't want that after the last letter though. I know it was harsh. But, it was the truth. You'll respect me for it in the end I hope. I hope you reply to this letter. It's been two months since the last one and no reply.

I know you received it. Maybe you didn't have anything to say. No, you had to have thought something. Why didn't you reply? I hoped that you would.

This whole thing has me thinking of all kinds of what ifs. What if it's my fault that you're going through all this stuff back to back. What if it's my actions that's caused you to be involved with those kind of guys. What if all your bad decisions is a reflection of me as a parent.

I don't even feel worthy of the title anymore. I didn't raise you completely. I hate to be reminded of it by others so I remind myself. I hope that you can get yourself together. Maybe you can seek help. It seems like this faze you're going through is only getting worse.

He doesn't love you. Whoever your boyfriend is. If he did he wouldn't make you feel like you have to do certain things in order to keep him. If he can't wait for you then he's not worth it. I know what you're thinking. I'm a little late on that specific piece of advice. I know you're not a virgin.

I'm not upset over that fact. It's just that I doubt you had a pleasant experience. Your boyfriend, who I hear is not a great guy, likely forced or pressured you. I hate that. I want you to be happy. I wanted you to have a first time that was better than mine. Somehow I feel like it wasn't.

Do you know who you are? You go from nerd to miss popular to girl in abusive relationship to girl who's dating a jock to a girl who likes bad boys. Please stop! Choose one persona and stick with it.

Perhaps you should become the one you've been hiding all along...yourself. Be yourself. Be you. Be the girl who likes to read books and would rather spend her weekend in the house relaxing and studying. It's okay to not be like those girls you go to school with.

I know you have confidence issues as well. You're a thin girl. And you're pretty short. But you're beautiful. You need to see that and understand it. Learn to like and love it. After learning so much about you through your parents I realized something.

I may not love you but I want to love you. I want to get that opportunity to bond with you and get to know you better. I plan to do just that in the future. Not now, but one day. I just need time.

I know what you're thinking. You're probably thinking how much more time do you need when you haven't seen me in all these years? Honestly I don't know. I just need to sort things out and gather my thoughts.

I'd be lying I said they weren't scrambled at the moment. I hope you get better. I think you need help. I wish I could help you. Go to therapy. Go somewhere. Alone. You don't need him and he certainly thinks he doesn't need you.

Despite how you were conceived your birth was an unforgettable experience in a positive way. On September 15th, 1992 you were born. It was the birth of my only child. That's one day I'll never forget.