Snow Drop

"He's not so scary," Slater told Kittrick matter-of-factly, as though he hadn't been hiding just behind his father's leg when Colin said hello.

Mickey nudged Shannon. "If you listen hard enough, you can hear Julie's ovaries actually cry out."

"Baby, MY ovaries are crying out."

Mickey raised an eyebrow. "Want to duck away and let me take care of that?"

Shannon laughed and kissed him. Whatever she whispered in his ear lit him up.

Mickey wasn't wrong. Watching Colin with the kids was just a cherry on top. Julie decided, assuming they were still a couple, that when her shot wore off, there wouldn't be a re-up. With Brendan, she always sought an excuse to put off children. With Colin, she looked at him and it was like her body said, "Why yes, please, if he's on the menu, we'll have him."

Maybe they could practice that night.

* * *

After a few stops to some local businesses and a sweep back through the festival for some purchases they wanted to make but not necessarily carry until they were on their way home, Colin and Julie walked back to her place. He hung her new painting on the wall for her as she supervised, which amounted to her eyeballing the level's bubble he put on the painting and saying, "Mm, left. No, right. No, left. No, right," until Colin caught on and chased her to the couch. Julie was totally ready for a reenactment of their first time together, but when Colin kissed her, he hesitated and pulled back.

"Is it time to talk about whatever's on your mind?" Julie asked.

He nodded, and swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you this, and it's not been easy. If I've been distracted, it's not you. It's really not."

She sat upright and pulled him down next to her. They cuddled up together and Julie said quietly, "Are we breaking up?"

"No. But if you wanted to after I finish, I'd understand. It's what I've been bracing for."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"I hope not." He sighed. "This is going to get dark."

"Oh. Silje."

"Yeah. You need to know before getting into a relationship with me where I'm coming from." He took a moment, trying to think how to best shape the words he needed to speak. "Suicide wasn't an easy decision for her. It was something she thought about a lot at her lowest points, but it wasn't until the last few years of her life that we started to talk about it seriously. She developed a lot of personal health problems, things I won't go into unless you really want to know the details. Things that embarrassed her, things that hurt her a lot. Medication was difficult because of what she was already on and she wanted to be as clear-headed as she could be. That... wasn't always possible."

Julie squeezed him tighter, and he kissed her shoulder before continuing. "She started having spells where she wasn't really lucid. They started coming more and more frequently, until they dominated her life." Colin's voice tightened. "That was the point when Silje decided... when she..."

"Oh, Silje," Julie whispered.

"I should have..." Colin's breath came out in a tremble. "I should have listened sooner. I made her fight because of me and she was so tired. And finally, one day, I realized she wasn't asking me to help her. She was begging me. She made a video, one for her parents, one for your dad. We went up to the mountains, to our favorite... our favorite lookout. We called your father and explained to him what was going to happen. He tried to talk us out of it, or at least wait until he got there, but that wasn't what she wanted. I'm not going to tell you the details. That's not something you need to know. But..."

Julie hitched in a breath, and stared up at Colin.

Colin whispered, "Julie. Silje... Silje was deeply religious." He pleaded with her with his eyes to understand, to forgive. "She was terrified of suicide."

It took a moment to understand what Colin was saying. Then it slowly whispered through her. Silje didn't kill herself. Colin helped her.

"My God, Colin..."

"I thought Lester would arrest me. Silje didn't think he would, and she was right. He came up there and sat with me for a long time. Then he called it in, and I carried her down the mountain. Your father and her family have kept it secret all this time. That's where the rumors about me started. That's where people got the idea I'm a monster."

"You're not, you're not, you're so very much not," she whispered, and took him in her arms, kissing him gently. There was no outburst of passion. There was only comfort, and love, and with her fingers stroking his face, she tried to give him as much warmth as she could.

* * *

Both Colin and Lester took the morning shift on Christmas Day so the rest of the deputies could be with their families. In the early afternoon, they came through the door, deep in a conversation and Lester grinning about something.

Julie finished taste-testing her mother's ham -- just a little overcooked, the way they all liked it -- and snatched up Mari from her bouncer. "Daddy's here," she said, and Mari echoed her, "Dada, hi, hi, Dada." Julie kissed her daughter's forehead as Colin came into the kitchen, grinning. He must have ducked home to change. Colin always liked to complain his uniform was too tight, but Julie and most the rest of the female population of Pike Bridge agreed it was deliciously right.

"There are my girls," he said, and swept Mari up before kissing Julie's cheek. Then he knelt lower and kissed her belly. Baby number two was their Thanksgiving surprise news, and they couldn't have been happier to receive it.

"You're blocking the ham," Lester grumbled, and Colin hastily stepped out of the way.

"What was I thinking? Hello to you too, gorgeous," Colin said, eyeing the pineapple glazed ham.

All this, Karen Fisher watched, amused and with so much warmth in her heart. From the moment she saw Colin at the Fall Festival what seemed like a lifetime ago, she knew in her heart he was the one for her daughter. That he was the one for her husband too in his own way was another blessing. He came into their lives like a puzzle piece they didn't know was missing.

Colin walked to her and kissed her cheek. "And merry Christmas to you too, Mom."

"Merry Christmas, Colin."