by safire711
I like the basic story, although like many on here, you seem to fall into the "girl must be perfectly shaped, the man must have a humongous shlong" trap - I'm all for fantasy, but that doesn't mean it can't have a degree of realism.
A few minor concerns:
1: Part way through, after constantly telling the story from the "step-daughter's point of view" you suddenly switch to:
"Lexy tries to use her hands to limit my penetration by moving away from my firm thrusts but I put a stop to that by grabbing her wrists and pinning them at her back. I use this dirty whore's ass hard. My cock swelling huge and hard. "Oh Daddy!" she cried, and moaned, "Oh yes, Daddy. Fuck me, Daddy. Take my ass! Make me your anal whore." Oh my god! Daddy!" I scream as he unceremoniously rams the full length of his cock into my ass."
Then back to Lexy's viewpoint again, it's jarring.
2: You posted this:
"His hand comes down hard on my ass cheek and I cry out at the unsuspected pain"
I wondered whether you meant "unexpected pain" as a general rule we don't use "unsuspected" for pain.
Hope you find this information helpful.
Regards
Most of this story is told from the step daughters perspective, but towards the end it shifts to his perspective for three sentences of a paragraph then back to her for the last sentence. Very distracting for me. Most writers are better off sticking to one perspective throughout a story. It's rather difficult to smoothly switch perspectives within a story.
Again, great stuff minus the needed editing. You can definitely keep a cock hard with your writing so keep up the practice. I hope you make more parts of this story. I for one would love to see Lexy get used not just by her daddy but maybe his friends, maybe even bring in one of her friends to play with.
I like the concept but, damn this needs editing. Pick the third person or one of the characters point of view. Don't go back and forth. If you pick the third person you can delve into each character's thoughts.
Also, perhaps you can include mom. After all , usually genetics don't fall too far from the tree! If the daughter is a slut, good bet that mom has the same tendencies except they've been hidden by a very conservative upbringing. Perhaps Roger comes back for a DP.
Not how squirting works nor anal..this is why so many men ruin anal for women...they think this is how it works...unless you have a blown out ass or and anal pornography star pussy juice is not lube...and if actually had a big dick with this little shit she would be screaming and bleeding.