All Comments on 'The Bachelorette Party Pt. 02'

Time to choose a new beginning to your stories other than “in which”. That’s been played out.

Fantastic second chapter. Onto the next episode.

This improved notably over ch 1 and this at 1 page felt like an appropriate stopping point for the story for this part.

My only first observation would have been to consolidate the "Mr. Benga" references more to where you first talked about him through Chad, since the 2nd time Benga appears, it seems repetitive; other references were just fine. The second would be...I have to assume you've never had tequila, as it is very delayed-reacting and hits like a freight train--especially on a guy's equipment (hence the saying "whiskey dick"). Depending on the # of shots Chad had, his performance could have been seriously hindered before he started.

This installment included witty banter, and I'd conclude Chad charmed his way into their "pants," although they didn't need "charming" at that point--but he was legitimately and genuinely funny. This is an essential part of making him appeal to more people (ladies), since he isn't all about his size and he's actually learned something else that doesn't make him seem like a one-dimensional....dick. He even extricates himself credibly from his premature ejaculation, although we could indeed assume it was either from the increased sensations or lack of control due to the tequila. It will certainly appeal to the ladies that he didn't try to "take" more than he was offered, and let them DICtate the pace of the whole affair.

I realize more chapters are already written, but I would have suggested this Lisa/Nikki thing be better fleshed out: you stated this when you opened, but I wasn't totally sold this got addressed beyond their being close enough to share one guy and not get jealous or compare their "performance."

I have no problem rating this a 5 for the significant improvement.