All Comments on 'The Old Kobain Place Pt. 02'

to see this story end. I have enjoyed reading all the Brodricksburg tales. 5+*

Great story. There is nothing that I could suggest to make it better.

The ending, Michael's death, was too rushed. Boom, the end. You can do better. Edit this into a movie script, and sell it.

Oddball plot, but well written. Editing? Author don't need no stinkin' editing...

or does he/she? Lessened for listened? Twice.

And here comes the prize winner for best typo: "connivance store".

"Margo, I'm going down to the store to get me a box of donuts and some connivance," said Winslow.

THanks, K.K.

The end seemed rushed, but maybe I just wanted it to go on for a while longer. Easily 5. Really well done!!

I think this would make a great TV movie.

Good one. Great idea for the plot. Tunnel, underground Railroad, Weird Science experiment gone wrong, Voices in his head, it's got everything. Five thumbs up.

I'm like alot of readers. When we find a good story, we hate to see it end. Other than a few misspelled words, it's an excellent tale. It did seem a little different, that after the majority of the story was told in such detail, that the ending seemed so abrupt. But what are you going to do with the perpetrator after he's caught?

It could have possibly turned into a longer series if the lead character had escaped, and lived as a fugitive, making amends for his past indiscretions. Nonetheless, it's a great story that deserves a high rating.

5 stars!!!

THANKS...

Hella good story, KK. Very, very original, dark and unusual. You are better than ever. On to St. Patrick's Day? Randi.

Simply outstanding - this story would make a great Halloween TV movie! 5+*

I loved it, but was nearly to the point of rage quitting on page 2. This was not edited, and it felt like it was banged out in such a hurry that "listened" turned into "lessened" at least 4 times. Part 1 was nearly perfect, where this followup felt rushed.

Once I reminded myself of my own experience with editing and missing a lot of things, I felt bad for getting upset about it. A sign of a good story is one that the reader has an emotional response to, and you've gotten one out of me.

I was drawn in to this morbid cast of characters and couldn't put it down, so I'd say you had me "hanging by a thread".

Thank you for sharing!

Rnebular

Fantastic story!

5

Yes it did seem a little light on editing, however it's really good to see a new fresh storyline here and it was extremely well told. You just have to love the stories of the old masters.

This is an case where the story was dictated to Voice to Text software. There are several other ‘near homophones’ in the story. V2T needs to be reviewed VERY carefully for this problem. Better now than when the technology was first readily available to the public. It also helps to ‘train the app’ for each person’s speech patterns (a step often skipped.) My first usage took longer to fix the mistakes than to just write it out on parchment with a quill and an inkwell.

This tale would be more appropriate in SciFi or even Horror. First, much of the plot was to set up The Sarge’s immortality and hatred of ‘authority.’ Little was made of any of the subsequent victim LWs, and marital relations consequences were impossible with the dead (and missing) wives.

unrated. But, the careless posting should take away several stars.

We had a story like this every day !!!!

Some of the other comments indicated errors. I didn't notice any. Held my attention all the way through. 5*

This story is +8* just for originality. The depth this story took for a writer to create puts him into one of the elites of L. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle couldn't have written it better.

/

6*, Hooyah, salutes...

I think the question begging to be asked is, now that someone else had heard the voice of the Virginian, will it lead to further adventures? Good story.

Loved the story 5* but you really need a proofreader. Lessened for listened, connivance store, etc were pretty distracting. Grammar check, spell check and auto correct are not really good enough. Your talent deserves the “fine comb” treatment.

Comment title says it all for me.

What a fantastic story, what an imagination to tell it.

This was riveting stuff, could not put it down, a tribute to the author. This KK is your best story IMHO. More like it please as a novel.

I wish I could give you more than 5/5 but 5/5 it is. Looking forward to your next work.

Fun read. I enjoyed it. Who says there's nothing new in LW stories?

Well written and a fun story to read 5***** Thanks for the great read.

This story brought back memories of a mid-70s tv show...Carl Kolchak and the Night Stalker.

if you like murder mysteries. The real mystery is why was this story placed in the Loving Wives category? There was very little about the breakdown of the marriage, the adultery, the plans made with Jerry for a future. The marriage was just a plot prop to lead to the series of murders of a deranged man. A good plot idea, I guess, but kind of quaint and cartoonish. Since the murderer is crazy none of his actions have to make sense. And the idea that the tear gas somehow reversed his metabolism was a complete phone in. But I can understand you just wanted out of this story. So did I.

Thanks for the effort.

That was one really interesting, and spooky cheating wife story. I hated to see it end, as it kept the tension up right until the end. That's a ridiculously easy *5 from me, and looking forward to your next one.

Enjoyable read. Good plot development, characters, settings and pace. Excellent job of drawing the reader in and wanting more.

Well done!

I saw Ch. 1 come out a couple weeks ago and thought I would wait for Ch. 2. I'm glad I waited.

I started reading and did not want to stop. Both chapters are very good stories.

5 ***** for both from me.

Thank you K.K.

A murder/mystery story that marches to an inevitable conclusion with no attempt at subterfuge.

Badly edited.

Really enjoyed it, but this would have been a much better read if it was posted around October instead of at the end of the year...

But hey - can't be too picking as to when we get good stories, around here.

By the way - a word to the anon who kept writing that this isn't a LW story... a simple question: was the main character here, Michael Bliss / Jackson Winslow, married to a cheating wife? Well then, you have to be some kind of idiot to argue that this is not a Loving Wives tale. Elements of sci-fi and horror doesn't at all change the fact that the heart of this story is about a man not willing to let go of his wayward spouse. Gotta be truly clueless to be unable to see that...

To the author: a clear 5🌟 effort... although, K.K., there is a difference between LESSEN and LISTEN. Hard to believe Randi missed such an obvious mistake (a mistake you kept repeating!), so I'll put the whole blame of it on you. Please take no offense for it... by not making it again next time!

Added to my favorites; thanks for the share.

Interesting plot and story line. Fun to read. Thanks for writing and sharing.

Hey, lessen, it's hard to listen when the County Cornier makes it inconvenient to go around the coroner to the connivance store. (Just giggling at humorous little errors that slipped past the proof read.) The story was otherwise so well written that these gaffs stand out.

.

Fun fantasy, but the tear gas reversing the mystery chemicals' effect was one fantasy step over the line.

.

I'm pleased the math majors took a back seat on this batch of comments, as opposed to the snark after Pt. 01.

.

Keep 'em comin'.

Hi, yes I agree with the funny comment, I hate to nitpick but a really good story like this is diminished when silly spelling mistakes cause the reader to interrupt their literary journey.

Although I am a BTB fan. I think killing the cheating group went over the top in regards to their cheating. They should pay for their deed in another fashion IE divorce, little slap on the face and live of lives as hookers or spinsters.

HKL BTB fan and RAAC under the right condition

very good story, no criticism on the story or the writing just a few repeated word errors but no biggy.

Interesting story.

Strange story. Good, but really odd

Great story...well-developed, well-paced, and a great premise. I never sweat the small issues of spelling, etc. My mind know what you meant and i hardly see them. You are getting better and that is what counts. The only comment I would to make is that I would like to have seen just a little more on the bounty hunters, i.e. some finalization for them more than just their last wish to tell the governor what happened to them. Just a line or two...perhaps an acknowledgement from the current governor's office in the newspaper, a soft sigh of acceptance and relief in the underground tunnel....you know. I sort of feel that they are still stuck there, waiting, hoping.

Strange story but worst of all the piece of filth didn't even get any punishment for his crimes.

Other than the police simply re-hashing the story we already knew, this was an engaging story. Ending was a little bit of a letdown but I certainly couldn't have done better. Thanks for sharing.

Enjoyed the story. Ending was a bit abrupt though.

Psychopathic version of Dorian Grey.

Very good...Imaginative...kinda creepy. I stayed up late reading it.

Not really a LW story. Maybe should be in horror.

Clever story, sad really, probably were human guinea pigs.

Solid 4*