- First Time
- The Proposition
- Comments
All Comments on 'The Proposition'
by __Lisa__
- 140 Comments
nice writing!very well detailed.lvoe your characters.i wanna read MORE!!! these to are really hot and iw as soo turned on.love it =] keep more coming.
Innocently sensual. You managed in a very short story to tell a much bigger tale...Grace loved Tom...probably always had and he loved her...you brought them together with tenderness and ease and turned it scorching hot...I do hope that their story isn't over yet...because it made me feel really good to peek into their world for a little while...thank you!
Truly beautiful!!!
Hot and horny response from me and brilliantly written Lisa!
It was the way every deflowering should be and the way every man and every woman should experience it.
Loved it...SO well done!!!
Love the new terseness you've adopted. You captured the moment beautifully. Thank you.
You paint a very beautiful word picture. Very erotic, very well written, very entertaining. Stories like this are why I keep coming back to this site. I can’t praise enough, I don’t have the vocabulary to describe how much I enjoyed your story. A simply perfect stand-alone short story.
Thanks so much for all the encouraging comments. They're very much appreciated. ♥
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this erotic story. Also thanks for avoiding the pornographic cliches: Fellatio followed by cunnilingus followed by ejaculation somewhere on the body; perfect blond meets perfect male specimen and they get it on till both ejaculate an ocean. Oh, dear! You are one good writer! Keep it up!
This story has such a sexual and sweet energy to it. I'm really impressed you turned an ordinary occurrence into something so emotional, sexy, and HOT.
This was so sensual, sweet, and HOT! Hope you'll continue on with this story..i could go for more ;)
Loved it, loved it, loved it! Very descriptive without being over the top. Yummy!
I have to go back now to read your other work, for with this piece you have placed yourself among the leading writers on this site!
First time ever leaving a comment...this was so well written, so sweet yet erotic. Great work.
I loved every minute of this story. It was hot, erotic... but not trashy or cliche. Definitely will be reading your other material.
...to my story. Thank you to everyone for all the lovely comments and emails. I appreciate it so much. :)
It was simply one of the hottest stories I have read in a very long time. As if being in the room, as it happened. The details given, very nice.
I hope you continue.
The story about a woman going to her friend's brother (or other 'safe' male) to 'get rid' of her virginity is an old meme in erotic literature. I'm sure, in real life, it does occasionally happen - but it's a stretch, it takes good writing to help the reader's suspension of disbelief. And this has good writing in spades... because the twist, that she approaches him in this clinical way to conceal a romantic longing, is great. And you really pull it off. Good (and hot) writing!
You make full use of the concise length into which you've wrapped this story, neatly capturing the atmosphere, the full range of emotions of your heroine, and the "story behind the story" of their relationship. Five stars without a doubt!
AverageBear in Canada
Flash back - early sixties - Chatterly - I am an old man who remembers well when Lawrence's controversial masterpiece broke across our shores. That was immediately what crossed my mind with my first reading of this short item. I usually do not comment on an exceptional work before going back to read the author's earlier submissions. This time I could not wait. This is not Lawrence - but this is not 1960 (61?). Although less subtle than Chatterly, this is an equivalent for our times. God, I hope I feel the same way about it when I re-read it in the morning. I'm pretty sure that I will.
Your words brought me back to the night I lost my virginity; bittersweet memories. Please write more chapters!
Wonderful, hot story! Please DON'T write sequels or more chapters to this perfect gem. It's perfect as it is.
But DO please write lots more!
It was a fantastic story - I think it would be intereting to read it again from his point of view. That would be the only "sequel" I would encourage you to write. Keep up the good work.
TC, LF
That was simply amazing. Loved the style of writing and I love even more that you've managed to achieve in two pages what most don't in twice that. Your characters were brilliantly well developed, the writing flawless. Oh it was just perfect, beautiful in fact! I can't believe you have me gushing! lol. Well deserved of that E. A phenomenal read.
I've read a lot here but have not submitted, though I might in the future. This story was perfect. Keep swinging and maybe put something together for a novel.
Thanx
Timothy Allen
The most beautiful story I've ever read here. So wonderfully erotic...it made me melt and tingle and I couldn't tear my eyes off the page. Any man who is interested in pleasing a woman sexually and emotionally should read this. Wonderful writing - an absolute joy. Thank you...
I can't imagine a better fantasy than to have a virginal female friend knock on my door and ask me to deflower her. Obviously, these two have been friends for awhile. You've captured their emotions and feelings, and turned it into an amazingly erotic story. Now that they've "done it," what next? You could write a sequel, or the same story from his perspective--I'm sure his reaction to her, "I'm still a virgin" sent all kinds of thoughts through his head. Great story!
This was so amazing. I loved the mirror part- it was so sexy and unexpected. Very good character description, you got them across without seeming to describe them (if that makes sense). The idea of Grace asking Tom to take her virginity was awesome too!
This great story of fabulous, hot-hot (and yet gentle) sex really hits the mark. Long unacknowledged love explodes when the virgin makes a foray into the passionate humping she's never had. She depends on her best friend's brother's expertise. He is both imaginative (the mirror routine is a classic), considerate and tender. I think we want a sequel, please?
My god, woman, you are amazing! I'm so hot that I can't keep my hands out of my panties! You have a gist and fortunately it benefits us all! I even want my first time to be like this! Keep it up!
I think I've read this story about 5 times since you posted it. and keep coming back, hoping for a sequel, some follow up to have Grace and Tom happen. Again. And again. At least once more. They are so hot together. The way you write them is so real. Hell, I wish I'd had Tom be my first. He sounds amazing. I'd be okay with him be my next too! ;)
Great storytelling. Can't wait to see more from you!
Amazingly erotic and beautifully romantic. I've just read all of your stories and you have this wonderful eloquent writing style, a genuine gift for blending eroticism with romance, serving to pull us into the characters' true human emotions. I hope we get more from you, you're my new fave!
A short story that at first read like an unfortunate, rushed first experience with an unworthy lover on a dirty bed, became a truly intimate moment of discovery.
You have a wonderful talent for creating vivid emotion in concise formats.
I look forward to reading more from you.
What a great story. Completely destroys the stereotype of the Oz male! And, boring though it may sound, it was well written with no spelling mistakes and good grammar too which made the whole thing more believable. Keep up the good work
That was amazing, I hope my first time is just like that... need to go hit up one of my best friend's brothers I think :P
This was really wonderful. I wish you'd write a sequel to this, or even a complete series, because I'd love to know more about your beautifully written characters.
That was really good. 5 stars! You should write a sequel to this.
Incredible! Very well written, loved your imagery, the banter between the charcacters, the descriptions. Definately one of the best pieces on the site! Keep writing!
as if... well i don't know how you did it Lisa, but your story almost exactly reflected my first time. Each time i read this i recall that beautiful night, thankyou.
Hats off dear for such a wonderful piece I give u
Loads of applause for thisl
Absolutely mind blowing would love to see more of gracie and tom....
i usually don't comment a lot, but this has got to be one of the best erotic story i have ever read!!!
Please continue to write about Tom and Gracie
many love
Such a well crafted story. despite what may seem an awkward set of curcumstance it was actually a romantic story and very sexy.
Far better than the ordinary kiss,kiss, bang, bang!
This story was brilliant. Would be great to keep their storyline going. x
TYhank you so much, Lisa for a truly beautiful story. Concise, powerful and very well written, this story would stand tall in any forum, even without the explicit sex. With the explicit sex it is just plain HOT, and one of the best stories I've read on Literotica. Great stuff
I love this romantic stories about friends or friend's sister or brother,etc people who knew each other for a long time... This is so sweet and yet SEXY as HELL!!! I love his cocky attitude and how it slips from him afterward. And I sure as hell love their talking sexy throughout sex. It was a pure pleasure reading this and I really hope you go on! No pressure, BUT PLEASE DO!!! :)
I'd just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who's taken the time to read my story, leave a comment or send feedback via private email. Your support is very much appreciated. I love hearing from you. xo
loved this story, it's full of passion, tenderness and is smokin! please write more chapters!
Are you a boy or a girl? The hell does it matter Id go out with someone who could write like that anyday (If I were a bit older maybe)
That was incredibly hot and had just the right amount of conversation. I look forward to more!!!!
You captured a timeless human moment without cheapening the experience. Almost a love story, but not quite...a very vivid read. Thank you.
“She had perched herself on the edge of the coffee table; he leaned forward and stroked her leg with his fingertips!” What a deliciously perfect selection of words blended into an erotic setting when the reader will know that Gracie had meticulously prepared that leg, all the way to the top, and beyond, for a naughty encounter with those very same stroking fingertips; an encounter from which she, sitting like a wary canary, might suddenly escape in flight despite longing so deeply to have happen. Your story is replete with such sweetly-executed renderings of erotic ideas, Lisa, and it is my favourite. No wonder it won a prize!
Not only was it hot, it was real, human- tender but animalistic- what sex is really about- about animal passion between two people who want what they want- I wish my first time had been like that! But careful- you write one that good you gotta follow it up haha- amazing stuff, hopefully there's more in store!
I felt so connected while reading this. I was able to visualize and feel every word. By far one of the best I've read!
..but it needed more. Maybe some initial background about their relationship, more to the ending? I don't know I loved it and it was a great idea but I found it lacking :( sorry
Love the breezy dialog.
The "little verbal dance" they do.
May I take a tiny umbrage to the comments of 'Engineer7' above. Mate not all Aussie blokes are insensitive.
Back to the story, I am not a fan of erotic movies but your writing _Lisa_ made me want to see that mirror scene so that I could get all lachrymose.
Just fantastic!
Bloody awesome. I was hoping so much for that ending, and I got it. It was the perfect, sweet story.
I have to say I have never seen, or at least noticed, a story having as many favorites and comments as this piece does. Truly amazing. I'm not really one for first time themed stories, but I am one for a dominant man and a happy ending. You delivered both. Thank you so much!!!
The author captured a moment that is so important in the adventure of every young ladies life when the transfer of little girls fantasy to becoming a woman. The loss of virginity is a monumental step for most and the author elucidated with surgical precision the emotional and erotic nature of this incident. The author was empathetic to the handling of this matter in the construct of the maturity of the characters and the solemn handling in the respectful nature the characters held for the act and eachother. The author made you feel the gravity of the importance while pouring on the flow of the erotic nature of the act in a slow moving flowing anxious buildup to a crescendo of good delightful spirit in the ending. The artistic nature in handling a story of this nature was nothing short of sheer genius. This author is by no means run if the mill in the least bit. The quality of this story is not something that is learned from University training but an innate gift that some icons are blessed. The fact that I had an opportunity to read this is an unexpected happening especially for this site or any site in the network. Thank you author and may you write on and on and on. You're a phenomena!!!!
I have had this story in my favorites for a very long time and have come back to it on several occasions. I've sent the link to a few friends over the years to share my enjoyment. I still get wrapped up in the excitement, her nervousness at first and then her pleasure. All your stories are good but this is still my favorite and I still want to hear the story from his pov. I was very glad to see some recent posts by you and have enjoyed/commented on them. Please keep writing and posting. :-)
Bot the sex happens too fast to be maximally erotic. It's be better with extended foreplay, step by step, what she felt, what he felt.
This is so reminiscent of the first girl I ever fucked, we were both fifteen and both of us were virgins. A night in a tent I shall never forget. Thank you Lisa for helping me remember it. PS Although I am married and that very first girl is too, we are still fuck buddies. Some things you just cannot let go of!
It never gets tired! LOVE IT!!!
This story was so erotic.
And so beautiful.
I would have loved there to be more about Tom and Gracie.
I loved this so much!!! Why can't all men be like that for her first time???
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please write a Ch. 2!!!
You paint incredibly compelling word pictures - I've read before that "the mind is the body's most erogenous zone" - after reading this I have to agree. Absolutely, stunningly beautiful.
That was wonderful, Tom was a blessedly lucky man. Gracie was also blessed, how wonderful when she saw herself in the mirror as a woman for the first time,
Great job Lisa.
What an intoxicating beginning...I sure hope their sublime passion continues in another chapter!!!!!!!!
Wonderful! Full of love and tenderness for a young womans first time.
You write so well it's like being there watching it happen.
I know that I'm an old romantic but these are the stories I love best, there is no need for the huge cock and tits to make a story great and you DO make a story great,I'm just sorry I couldn't give you more than five stars.
Please never stop writing these type of stories.
Your story grabbed my attention not losing it for a moments notice, great work :)