The Radio Contest

THE ORVILLE AND WILBUR SHOW

This is a story loosely based on an actual event that happened in the mid-90s.

*****

Orville and Wilbur hosted a radio show in New York City. It was a somewhat salacious show, although not anywhere near the likes of Howard Stern. They also ran contests occasionally with some pretty good prizes. One morning, they ran a contest with a multiple prize -- a Circle Line afternoon cruise around Manhattan, dinner for two at Tavern on the Green and a two-night stay at the Waldorf Astoria.

Karl was listening on the way to work and called in to see if he could get into the contest. One of the staffers asked him several questions (off-air) and it was decided to put him on the air.

The two DJs chatted with him for a few minutes, during which time he identified himself as Karl Meinhart living in Queens.

With Karl still on the line, Wilbur dialed the phone and got Karl's wife Dolce on the phone.

Wilbur: "Dolce, this is Wilbur from the Orville and Wilbur show. We have your husband on the phone and you are eligible to win a prize package if you can answer some questions the same way your husband did." He then described the prize package.

Orville: "What do you say Dolce? Want to give it a try?"

Dolce: "Yeah sure, I always wanted to eat at that place."

Wilbur: "Okay. Question number 1 -- where did you two meet? Remember, Karl, no speaking."

Dolce: "That's an easy one. We met on the dance floor at the Rabbit Club in the Village...Did we win?"

Wilbur: "Not quite yet sweetheart. We have a few more questions. But you did get that one right."

Orville: "Question number 2 -- what did you have for dinner last night?"

Dolce: "We had stuffed peppers with an arugula salad."

Orville: "Right again Dolce. You must be quite a cook."

Dolce: "Well actually Karl made it. He's a much better cook than I am."

Wilbur: "Whoa, you need to hold onto him sweetheart."

Dolce: "I plan on it."

Wilbur: "Okay, next question. When was the last time you and Karl had sex?"

There were a few seconds of dead air as Dolce pondered whether or not to answer this. Apparently she decided it was a harmless question.

Dolce: "This morning before he left for work."

Orville: "Right again. Three for three. Now the final question for the prize package. When you had sex, where did you get it? We need the exact location."

Dolce (in a panicked voice): "You didn't really tell them that, did you Karl?"

Karl: *clears throat*

Wilbur: "The clock's ticking. It's not a trick question. We need an answer. Where did you get it?"

Dolce: "Karl, my parents listen to this show. I can't believe you did this."

Wilbur: "Do you have an answer sweetheart?"

Dolce: "Okay, I, um, got it in the ass."

Both DJs erupted in laughter. For two full minutes they tried to regain their composure. Each time they tried to speak they couldn't get two words out without erupting in laughter again.

Finally, Orville was able to control his laughter.

Orville: "Oh, I'm so sorry. Karl said it was in the kitchen."

Silence form both Dolce and Karl.

Wilbur: "I liked your answer a lot better though. Tell you what -- we're going to give you the prizes anyway. In fact, we're going to make it a dinner for four as long as you invite your Mom and Dad. How's that sound?"

Dolce: "I'm so embarrassed."

Karl and Dolce enjoyed the cruise and the hotel stay. The dinner was kind of awkward.