All Comments on 'The Sibling Diaries Pt. 02'
by TommyTales
- 12 Comments
You need a proofer. In this chapter I saw at least 4 errors in spelling alone.
Great story so far! Cannot believe how sucked in I'm getting, your characters are very well written. Can't wait for chapter 3!
Nice long build-up. Original too. Pity that end part1 did not flow with part2 beginning.
Although submissions are a trifle too short, I have to admit it is well done.
Please proof-read thoroughly or get someone knowledgeable to do it prior to submitting. The "His Own Sister had just exposed himself to her." offsets the talent you obviously have. It makes all just seemingly rushed.
Good luck, stay at it, and persevere, we need new talent!
Since this is just your second submission on this site, I will give some suggestions.
Read your submission before you submit it.
Learn a great deal more English to use for your next submission.
Think of something original to put in your submission.
A great beginning!!!
I can’t wait to see where it goes from here
I wouldn’t add anyone else to the mic
Leave it their story!!
Wrong place to end their encounter. Realistically, they wouldn't have shut everything down right after mutually admiring each other's upper torsos. School night not withstanding.
The grammar has improved, but there are still mistakes like misplaced gender more care is needed but the story is moving along your characters are growing in confidence with each, other I'm enjoying the story and it's pace particularly as there is only a few days between publication of each chapter, and as far as I'm concerned the story appears to be all complete now. I shall carry on reading I am interested to see how you get your characters to move from tiny steps together to full on mutual togetherness.