The Trappings of Love Pt. 04

**Thanks to everybody who left comments and sent messages concerned for my well-being during this hiatus. Literotica got blocked where I live for awhile (assuming due to a new bill that was passed around the time but not 100% certain), not sure why but I couldnt access it and gave up after awhile. The frustration led me to take a break from writing but I checked a couple days ago and immediately got back to work on my stories upon seeing I could access the site again. Part 4 was partially finished so here it is and part 5 is currently roughly halfway done. Apologies if this entry feels like a bit of a slog to get through, just looking to build on the anticipation with this one. Thanks for your patience and support!**

It took several seconds for Boston to notice the position he found himself in as he woke up. He was spooning his best friend Josh with his morning wood pressed into one of his buttcheeks. He pulled himself from Josh gently and quietly so as to not risk waking him up. The only thing he could think in that moment was how much he didn't want Josh to know he'd had an erection while cuddling him in the night.

Boston grabbed his phone and walked straight into the bathroom. He stepped out of his underwear, sat down on the toilet and then leaned forward so that he could pee comfortably with his dick still rock hard. Boston had the faintest trace of a hangover, just enough to know he'd drank too much the night before. Not that Boston needed the hangover to know that much with his head spinning with the murky recollections of the previous night.

He and Josh had crossed yet another line the night before. Cuddling the way they did last night was one thing; sure, they'd cuddled alot in the previous week and a half or so but not like they had the night before with Josh putting his hand on Boston's abs and Boston stroking Josh's hair. As innocuous as that would seem given the fact they'd already been cuddling for awhile now, it was still another in a seemingly escalating sequence of events between the two best friends.

Even more worrisome for Boston was what had transpired after falling asleep. If the previous night's cuddling wasn't crossing a line, this was certainly over the line. Boston had been awakened by an odd feeling and even in his inebriated, half-asleep state, he realized Josh had just kissed him while he slept. In the moment, he thought it was kind of sweet and he even felt like he might want it to happen again. Once it became clear that Josh was not going to continue, Boston started spooning Josh who then grabbed ahold of Boston's hand and intertwined their fingers.

As much as Boston had enjoyed this in the hazy moment, he was equally as confused and a little nauseated by the thought of it now that he was sober. Boston wasn't gay, no he COULDN'T be gay. That just wasn't a thing for a guy like him and until now, he didn't think that was a thing for a guy like Josh either. However, Boston had to consider whether Josh might actually be gay and, more concerningly, whether Josh had actual feelings for him or not.

Once Boston had finished peeing, he turned the shower on. He sat down in the tub and wrapped his arms around his knees as if trying to make his body resemble a ball, resting his head on his knees as he remembered why he always said he'd never drink again the morning after every night of drinking. Boston continued to contemplate the situation with Josh as the warm shower rained down on him.

He couldn't understand how Josh could be straight when he had kissed him. The cuddling was one thing, friends just cuddle sometimes and it doesn't have to mean anything romantic or sexual is going on. Sure, that was more common between girl friends than boys but Boston just figured that it's silly to think two guy friends can't do it too when you're as close as he and Josh were. That said, he certainly wouldn't be keen on others knowing and kissing was another step beyond that. That was not something friends did, especially the way Josh had kissed him, secretly in the middle of the night as if he couldn't help himself. Now, Boston started to question everything about his friendship with Josh. Had Josh been hiding feelings for him this whole time? Is this why he was always touching him for no reason? Is it possible Josh had been doing this kind of thing to him in his sleep for a long time now?

He wasn't even mad at Josh, it didn't really even bother him to think about the possibility of Josh kissing him in his sleep more than the one time he knew of (or worse, groping him which was a thought that Boston refused to entertain.) He thought that perhaps this was all his fault, maybe he was leading Josh on without even realizing it. This only confused Boston further and gave him anxiety. He started questioning whether or not he let Josh play with his hair and cuddle with him because he too had homosexual feelings for his best friend. He's the one that spooned Josh last night after all, not the other way around.

Boston shook these thoughts out of his mind, telling himself that there was zero chance that he was gay and that the only reason he'd spooned Josh was because he was drunk and not thinking straight. The idea of bisexuality just wasn't something he even considered in the moment. Boston was attracted to women, he'd only ever dated and had sexual experiences with women. Boston was convinced that Josh had to have feelings for him though and he didn't want to hurt him. He was still his best friend and he didn't want that to change but he also didn't want Josh to get the wrong idea and think Boston felt the same.

He couldn't bring himself to just come out and talk to Josh about it because he knew not only how awkward that would be but he knew the way Josh was and how it would hurt his feelings. In the back of his mind, he also didn't want anything to change about their friendship. Boston didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize their friendship but he wanted to make sure Josh understood that this was all strictly platonic for him.

A light bulb, however dim, went off in Boston's head and he turned the shower off, grabbed a towel off the rack and swiftly dried off before sitting back down on the toilet and grabbing his phone. He texted Cara, the girl he'd met at the party the previous night. She had asked to exchange numbers with him before he'd left. He asked her to go to the football game with him that day and Cara, responding surprisingly fast, enthusiastically said she'd love to.

Once Boston had brushed his teeth, he quickly realized he hadn't grabbed any clean clothes. He awkwardly cracked open the bathroom door, sticking his head out to see if Josh had woken up. Josh unfortunately had and was in the middle of his morning workout. When they caught eachother's eye, Josh gave him a big smile.

"Good morning," grunted the smiling Josh.

Boston couldn't help feeling incredibly awkward but tried to return the smile. His smile must have appeared pretty strained and he knew he'd failed when he saw Josh's face fall ever so slightly. Josh, ever the empath, immediately felt the change in Boston's energy. Boston, towel tightly wrapped around his waist, opened the bathroom door and moved at light-speed to gather some clothes out of his dresser before walking back into the bathroom and hurriedly shut the door behind him.

Josh heard the bathroom door lock and immediately took note of that. They usually never locked the bathroom door because they trusted that the other wouldn't barge in on them. He was filled with an uneasy energy and couldn't even finish his workout so he laid down on his own bed and started nervously scrolling on his phone. His stomach was in knots and he just knew that something about the previous night had bothered Boston.

No matter how much he tried to tell himself to calm down and not to worry until he knew for sure, Josh was already certain that Boston had realized that he had kissed him and that Boston was angered or disgusted by it. Josh had intended to tell Boston how he felt about him today but he knew there was no way he would now even if Boston's odd cagey behavior changed and he started acting "normal" again.

Josh had been so on edge and in such mental turmoil since he realized he had feelings for his best friend that he was extremely paranoid. It didn't take much for him to get anxious over the situation and his tendency to over-think ensured that he would read into every little thing, good or bad. Unfortunately, just because you over-think things doesn't mean you don't occasionally stumble onto the correct assumption and understanding this fact only served to further convince Josh that he was right and something bad was about to happen. The only thing Josh could hope for at this point is that this wouldn't mess up their friendship.

Once Boston had finished dressing, he took a deep breath before exiting the bathroom and going to lay down on his bed. Both boys could feel the tension in the air but nobody spoke for a short while. They both were silently trying to figure out what to say or how to handle the situation. Finally, Josh couldn't handle the suspenseful silence anymore and looked over at Boston.

"So uh do you wanna go get some lunch or something in a bit?" he asked, unable to keep the nervousness out of his voice.

"Oh um actually Cara asked me to go to the game with her and I told her I would," answered Boston as he forced himself to look over at his best friend.

He figured it would make Josh feel less hurt if he lied and said she was the one who asked. It unsurprisingly didn't stop Josh from feeling like an anvil had been dropped on his stomach. Josh felt the color drain from his face and he quickly looked back at his phone screen. Seeing this made Boston's insides squirm contritely.

"I got you, that the girl from last night?" asked Josh casually, trying to seem unperturbed but still unable to look Boston in the eye again.

"Yeah, uh, she asked me last night before I left. I figured I may as well you know...but hey, we will do something tonight man!" said Boston, beginning to feel incredibly guilty and hoping the prospect of them hanging out later might help soften the blow for Josh; it did not, though Josh did a decent enough job of hiding that fact.

"Oh yeah, that'll be fun dude...I got some homework to do anyway but hey, hope things go well," lied Josh as he forced to look back at Boston with the fakest smile he'd ever put on in his life.

The smile may have actually been convincing if it weren't for the fact Boston knew him entirely too well and he could see an unmistakable sadness in Josh's eyes that pierced Boston's soul.

"Yeah man, but we aren't meeting up for about an hour so you wanna watch something before I go?" asked Boston, desperately trying to find a way to make Josh feel better and assuage his own guilt.

"Oh, uh...no that's alright man. I'm just gonna go ahead to the library and get started but hey, I'll catch you later man," said Josh, who didn't know where he was actually going to go. He just knew he wanted to be anywhere but in that room with Boston at that moment.

Silently, Boston watched helplessly as Josh got up off his bed, threw on some pants and changed his shirt. He was seized with the confusing desire to tell Josh to stop, to tell him he'd cancel with Cara and stay with him but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Josh, on the other hand, felt as if his heart weighed a ton and his eyes felt as if they were under immense pressure from the tears they were struggling to hold back. He gathered up his school things before slipping on his shoes and heading for the door.

"Hope you have a good time man," said Josh as he headed for the door without looking at Boston, attempting to sound genuine but failing miserably.

"Yeah man...but hey, we're gonna find something to do together tonight right?" Boston called out as Josh opened the door.

"Uh yeah man, we'll figure something out...I'll see you later man," responded Josh, still refusing to look back at Boston as he opened the door and shut it behind him without giving Boston the chance to respond.

Boston, laying flat on his back and looking up at the ceiling, swung his fists as hard as he could onto the bed in frustration. He was angry at himself for letting things get to this point. He felt so stupid for not realizing what was going on sooner. He wanted badly to message Josh and apologize to him for maybe leading him on but if he did that, that would mean they had to talk about what was really going on and that scared him to think about for some reason.

Boston wasn't sure what he had expected to happen. He'd thought this was the best way to handle this but now he wasn't so sure. He figured if he never brought up what was going on with Josh then he could avoid outright rejecting him and maybe Josh would get the message a little more gently when Boston went out with a girl. This way, Josh wouldn't feel like he'd done something wrong and get that things didn't really have to change between them. Now, however, he was convinced that this was a much bigger issue than he'd previously thought. The only thing he could think about was how he could avoid hurting Josh any more than he already was.

Boston didn't realize he was trying to "have his cake and eat it too" nor did he fully understand how selfish he was being by trying to keep things the way he wanted without considering what that might do to Josh. These things were just beginning to dawn on him now that he saw how he was hurting Josh, no matter how hard Josh had tried to hide it. He was never good at handling girl's emotions and he felt similarly like a fish out of water with Josh at this point, a bizarre phenomenon that was not lost on Boston.

Boston hadn't even linked Josh's behavior the previous night after the party to his feelings for him, let alone noticed that Josh was fine until he'd seen Boston making out with Cara and that was when he'd abruptly left the party without a word. He had also failed to connect Josh's fits of the sullens, or "homesickness" as Josh called it, to himself. Now, it was like all the pieces to the puzzle were starting to come together for him.

He'd never experienced anything like this with a guy friend and if he had, he wouldn't have been all that concerned about the guys feelings when he rejected him as cruel as that may seem. But this was Josh, the closest person to him that he'd ever had to this point in his life. And, in all reality, Josh was the person he cared most about other than maybe his own family and even that was probably debatable. He considered canceling with Cara but he didn't see how that would help Josh feel any better at this point. Boston figured that would only confuse Josh more. He knew that he and Josh needed to talk about this but he was still too afraid of having that conversation. He resolved himself to go to the game with Cara regardless, even though it made him feel miserable.

Meanwhile, Josh had set off with his bookbag and was barely keeping himself together while trying to think of somewhere he could go for some privacy. As he walked through the dorm, he kept his head hung low so nobody he passed would see his face. Once outside, he looked over to the wooded area beside the building and just walked straight into the woods. As soon as he was sure he wouldn't run into somebody, the dam broke and the tears fell heavily before Josh could even try to stop them. He continued walking until he was sure nobody looking into the woods could see him and then sat down against a tree.

He felt stupid for feeling the way he was. He was ashamed of himself for having to run into the woods so nobody would see him crying. He'd never felt this way about any of his other crushes because he'd never been foolish enough to let his feelings grow too strong before he was at least seeing the girl romantically. With Boston, it was as if he just couldn't stop himself no matter how hard he tried. They just knew eachother too well and spent too much time together.

Josh knew this went way beyond just a simple crush. A crush is when you are attracted to somebody you just met or don't know very well. These were genuine feelings that he had for Boston. He knew Boston better than anyone else, probably even more than his own parents knew him. He knew Boston so well that there's no way you could call his feelings for him merely a "crush." Josh wondered if he was actually in love with his best friend and if he had been for even longer than he thought. He had assumed he had been in love with his high school girlfriend but he'd never wanted anything more than he wanted to be with Boston.

Josh started playing music from his phone to try to calm himself down and kept checking the clock til he was sure Boston would have left for the game so that he could go back to his dorm room. Once he was sure that Boston would have left, he checked his face with his phone camera to make sure that nobody would be able to tell that he'd been crying. He was mortified to see what a mess he was and he waited a few more minutes before he quickly walked back to the dorm.

Part of him was hopeful that Boston would be in the room, waiting to tell Josh that he had changed his mind and that all he wanted was to be with Josh. He didn't actually expect this to be the case and was unsurprised when he opened the door and walked in to the empty room. Even though he didn't expect Boston to be there, the reality of the situation still hit him hard all over again. He laid down in his bed and just cried. All he could see was Cara kissing Boston and Boston with his arms wrapped around her.

Josh felt like he'd never stop crying as his bad thoughts just got worse and worse. What if Boston brought Cara back to the dorm and asked him to leave to give them some privacy? What if Boston had sex with her in the bed that Josh had been sharing with him? Boston was still technically a virgin and for whatever reason, it hurt even more to think about Cara taking that from him.

Josh realized he didn't want to be there anymore. He absolutely dreaded Boston coming back, even if he was alone when he did. This just served to make him feel worse as he suddenly felt guilty for being a terrible friend. He just knew he couldn't hide how heartbroken he was. He thought of how he'd pretty much risked his entire friendship with Boston for that cheap kiss and if he didn't get things under control soon, he would lose his best friend if he hadn't already. He knew he needed to get out of the situation, if not for saving the friendship then for saving his sanity at least.

Josh grabbed his phone and stared at the screen for several seconds, contemplating whether he should really make the call he was considering making. Finally, he decided that he just had to. He did his best to gather his composure, taking deep breaths before dialing the number. After several rings, a cheery female voice answered.

"Well hey there stranger, long time no talk," Josh heard his mother's voice for the first time in over a week.

"H-hey mom," said Josh shakily as he tried to sound normal, struggling to keep his composure.

"What's wrong sweetie? Why do you sound upset?" she replied sharply, immediately recognizing something was wrong.

"I just...can I come ho--home mom?" replied Josh, trying not to cry but his voice began to break.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?" asked his mom and her concerned tone of voice broke Josh down completely as he began to cry silently, struggling to regain his composure long enough to speak. "Josh, talk to me please."

"I just wanna come home, can I please just use my card to buy a plane ticket home?" said Josh breathlessly in a low whine as he totally failed to stop himself from audibly crying.

"Oh honey, you know you can always come home. Let me check the airlines and I'll call you back, okay? Josh, honey breathe. It's okay, just breathe," she said soothingly.