All Comments on 'They Walk Among Us Ch. 01'
by boneams
- 20 Comments
I would like to extend my apology for screwing up the story between pages 2 and the beginnig of 3. I submitted a repost so that the story will flow. It was NOT the editors fault it was mine. I will check and recheck the submission for it's flow. Thank you to JChadourn for pointing out the error. Once again I apologize.
Even with the mistake I still gave it 5 stars and I hardly ever give 5 stars.
Really enjoyed the story, it is one of the best stories i have read for a while. I gave you 5 stars, can't wait for story to unfold keep up the good work.
this was very good. i can't wait to see how you bring this to the present, how you tie it all together! very good boneams 5 stars!
Stockholm is in Sweden, which is in the north of Europe. And Slovenia is in the south -.-
The journey from Slovenia to Stockholm in that times would take a couple of days.
you have a story here, like the plot so far, characters can maybe use some more depth isnt the right word but i cant think of a better one atm.. the girl has been abused and mentally was like a rug to her husband. will she change drastically or very little or fight to regain how she was pre-marriage. the man in love with her has killed her husband in a temper.. pre meditated at that..now he is trying to help her by taking over her life it seems.. home.. work ..
also may wanna replace a word you used wreathing.. think you meant writhing..
writhe (r)
v. writhed, writh·ing, writhes
v.intr.
1. To twist, as in pain, struggle, or embarrassment.
2. To move with a twisting or contorted motion.
3. To suffer acutely.
It seems like a few individuals need to brush up on the definition of fiction and non-fiction. Its a story about werewolves, and you're hung up on the geographical accuracy of his story. Really?
Regardless of where you've put Stockholm, the story was good and I'll be looking for the next installment.
and yes there are a few mistakes but I think the great storyline over shadowed them. I really like Baldomr. The fact that he questioned whether or not he had done right thing. He has been taught to use his gift for good and not to react in anger, and I think he did the right thing. Certainly Nevanka is much better off because of his actions. And who couldn't love Cilka, she has such a great personality. I look forward to chapter 2 and hope you are already almost finished w/it so I don't have to wait long for it.
My favorite quote: "That's what they all say dear. Women now days need to find something else to slip on," Made me smile.
Please continue!
I really love this it's turning out really good I think you've done a really good job and I can't wait to read the rest of it.
What a fantastic start. I was hooked from the very first paragraph.
Usually it takes at least a whole page to get me ingrossed in a story, but the writing and plot style of this piece was sooooo superb, that my imagination simply flew along with your words. Keep up the awesome work.
Now.......onto the next chapter.
Nicci
Inspiring and touching from the 1st minute......Keep it up!
a very nice and endearing start to what i hope will be an ever better story.
it reads easy and lets you emerge in their world completely.
don't be hung up about the geography, should you someday rework this or clean it up even more that is easily fixed ;-) major part it it didn't distract from the story but for one person thinking a fictive story should have 200% accurate details. on to the next
You have absolutely astounding read here. Though there was a repeat of a few paragraphs at the end of page 2 and the beginning of page 3
I really like the story so far!
It's one in the morning and I have work tomorrow but I can already guess I won't be sleeping anytime soon, I have to read more straight away :)
The only critique is the Mayor being in Stockholm... thats in Sweden not in Slovenia :)
My only issue was a little modern slang and wording had me forgetting this was supposed to be set in the past but for a great story, I can easily overlook that. Wonderful job you have me very intrigued now off to read more.
G
What a lovely, lovely story. Don't know when I last enjoyed a read so much!