What I HATE About Porn

What I HATE About Porn

Right up front let me make it clear that I watch erotica, read erotica, and write erotica. Please scope out my stories or poems or even my art and I think you will be pleased. Porn is very ancient stuff. Prehistoric people were making images designed to turn them on, and I'm sure they were sitting around the campfire and telling spicy stories. Motivating people to do the deed and plant the seed has been a major push for millennia. Hindus and Greeks and lots of other folks have gods who celebrate procreation. Heck, the Bible contains the steamy Song of Solomon. And in Genesis YWH never said, "Don't fuck." He said, "Be fruitful and multiply."

So that brings me to:

Point 1--BDSM-- I don't think sex is dirty and I really don't much like stories or vids or auds that portray people who feel like shit for feeling horny. Horny is built into the machinery. But hang on, I understand that if you were brought up in a strict religious household where touching yourself or anyone else without a legal contract will cause Old Scratch himself to snatch you by the short hairs and drag you to Hell where he'll fry you till you're a crispy critter; if that's the crap that's in the back of your head when you spot a hottie and the spirit rises; well then I can see how being bad and feeling good might end up in the back of the same pickup truck.

Since religious figures, priests and preachers and missionaries and nuns, are placed artificially off-limits, I can see how getting under that dark robe might be a turn on. But a story about raping a priest or a nun who used to humiliate you in school. That's not erotica. That's a revenge horror story and I hate it being considered a turn-on. And stories about religious folks hurting kids is never sexy. It's criminal.

I personally despise stories that feature people despising each other, especially in the bedroom. I might write a story about people playing at humiliating one another. I can imagine people, maybe a woman CEO who is always in charge and demanding of respect, enjoying a fantasy where someone calls her a 'stupid worthless slutty cock-sucking bitch'. Same with a male CEO who likes to be ridden and whipped like a stubborn mule. I can imagine those characters getting relief from constant responsibility. I can see how the sting of a little pain might lift their spirits.

But I switch off when the sex is about the pain. Oh I get how a spanking or being bound and restrained might raise the stakes of sensation. But then the pain is about the sex. And the sex plus pain is for the pleasure of the person being bound or 'punished' not for some nut who gets his or her nut by hurting other people. I understand if your kink swells when you have someone in your power. But for me sex is always a dance with equal partners even if you're playing that it's not.

So. Stories teach. And I HATE stories or videos that teach men that it's okay to treat women like shit. Also stories that teach women that the only way they can tell a man what she wants is to be a cruel slutty dom. Or little girls who need permission from 'daddy.' Or independent women just waiting to be enslaved by a cruel master who "knows just what they want."

Bottom line -- whatever your kink, sex should be fun for all members of the party and their members, and fun shouldn't make you feel weird and guilty.

Point 2 -- Girls just wanna have fun. I HATE porn that is all about the man getting his nut with no concern for the woman getting hers. What's up with that? Are most pornos secretly for men who are into men? Why in Baal's name do we always spend so much time looking at dude's dicks? And balls? And assholes?

Maybe a viewer who isn't built like superman likes to pretend he is the buff cut flexing shiny well-waxed, spray-tanned hunk who is drilling a hottie who is lying about what a turn-on he is. But how about, for once, having a Don Juan or Lothario who is actually a role model for how to light a lady's fire? Because if you have the basic equipment, but really know what to do with it your reputation as a cocksmith may grow, and most often it won't be about your cock.

The guy may be necessary in the video to show what turns her on. But then I want to spend lots of time seeing her get with it. I don't want a guys ass between me and the beautiful stuff any more than it has to. And for pity's sake, porn makers and porn writers, show us what is happening with her, how this lick or that deep plunge is beginning to light her up. Some of you dudes may be all about pretending you are this super-stud and this total hottie just wants to be drilled by you until your jackhammer has busted the pavement. But really, that's not as much fun as taking the time to wind her up and truly get her truly excited.

Hard truth: Jamming your dick is the LAST turn-on a woman usually wants to feel to get her off. Everything else you do: flirting with her, complimenting her, giving her a gift, feeding her, kissing her, gently touching her, rubbing her, fingering and licking, ALL are bigger turn-ons than your dick. She may want your dick, because it feels good, fills her up in a way she likes, connects in a powerful way, shows you want her and only her so damn bad, and are eager to feed her your seed. But her orgasm usually comes from the other strokes.

And for lesbian couples this literally goes double. Two loving gals are not usually eager to pretend to be hard dick-jamming men.

Point 3 - "Lesbian" videos (or stories) are not made for women, even though most women now and again fantasize about having it on with another woman. But how often does anyone actually ask the women to write the script about how two women come to get it on? Note how many writers who identify as lesbians or bi, put at the top of the story, something like, "If you just want to get right to the sex you may be disappointed, because this story has a slow build. That is because, gentlemen, that the lead up in a lesbian story is the lust. So how about more videos in which the women take their time playing with each other? Not hours of loud smacky fake kisses and tongue tangling. No. Real attention to all the erogenous zones: the neck, the ears, lots of exploring tender skin, the talking. Seeing each face come alive. And always, take your time. After all; what's your hurry?

Point 4- But, but, butt ... Maybe there was a time when the idea and the illustration of a man have penetrative intercourse with another person's anus was a strange and exotic turn-on. Now you have to plow through the butt shots to get to any other kind of sexual activity. Enough already. Or put the butt play into a special search for those you don't lift off except when imagining back door action. Otherwise, go easy. And that means planning your camera angles so we aren't looking at someone's shitter when hot romantic sex is supposed to be happening.

Point 5 - Rougher and tougher is not hotter. Oh, sure, sometimes jamming, and slappling and hurling her (him) around is at the peak of turn-on. Sometimes the opposite is true. The smooth strokes can really reach her. Gentle that breast. Please that little spot on the side of her neck. Sweetly tickle that clit hood. Do spend lots of time on the breasts and nipples. Stroke and kiss and suck them a dozen ways and do it again. Let us see her face and hear her voice as this happens. Talk to her. It doesn't matter if the vid is shot in Slovenian.

Point 6 - And speaking of voice, let us hear how she is feeling. I don't mean clichés like "Oh baby, you're so big." I mean those personal sounds that tell you she is beginning to feel it. Let us hear her breath slowly get more raw and excited. Encourage her to say what she needs. That last point is important, and very sexy. Not just, "Oh yeah, right there, right there," but, "Grab my tit hard please." "Squeeze my ass." "Kiss me...I need you to kiss me." And let us hear him as his excitement builds and he begins to groan and roar. For lesbian sex it would be good to really hear the couple work out what feels good. "That's good; roll a little to your left. Yeah, move up that way." "Keep rocking. Oh please don't stop rocking." "Just lick inside right there with the tip of your tongue." "Shut up and fuck me hard."

Point 7 - The money shot. Time was, you had to know this was real sex, so the dude had to spill the cream at the end. Now I think that's old hat. The real money shot is seeing her get off for real. Now we know that for most women PIV sex is not the true lift off. It may be great, but it is the satisfier that says your man is happy and has really connected. Your orgasm(s) can come any time along the way and are proof that your lover is really paying attention to your needs. And here's a simple dirty secret: most guys watching and probably a lot of women are going to get off when they see her cum more than when they see him cum. And for me nothing is sexier than both partners getting off while they are deeply connected. No need to 'open out' awkwardly so we see all the messy bits. For the last lap let them find each others' rhythm and go for it.

Coda - Make videos with people who know and respect each other. Even if the love play is rough and tumble, have your "actors" know and care about each other and show they care about each others' bodies. Give them time to get to know each other before they shoot the scene. And we have all seen "the four ways to fuck"-- now missionary, now doggie, now her on top, now on her side with him behind, pull out and jizz in her mouth. Yawn. Let them work out what gets them excited.

My Golden Rules: NEVER feature sex with children. NEVER feature enslaved, exploited, addicted, or drugged participants. NEVER treat women like they are second class citizens. NEVER have the talk or action be racist. NEVER show rough sex without the absolute consent of all participants. NEVER confuse torture for stimulation. NEVER exploit young or broke people to make a porno. There are plenty of adults willing to make sex videos for fun and/or profit.

And if you like erotic stories, videos, audios, pix then use the ones that respect people and avoid the ones that don't.

If the maker breaks those golden rules, don't watch or pay for that shit.

I KNOW I am bumping up against some people's favorite kinks, or even the whole reason they seek out porn. That's them. Maybe that's you. Okay, but the stuff I list above is what ruins it for me. I have a simple stance. Sex is good. Sex is fun. People do best when they don't feel angry, or ashamed, or guilty while doing it. You can play football to maim the other player or humiliate them. For me that ruins the game. Our bodies have wonderful built-in toys. Enjoy them.