Why Do I Love Blowjobs?

Why do I love blowjobs? How could I not!?!

First, I need to properly define my terms, because, 'blowjob' is far too general and crass of a descriptor for what I love.

Well, I surely refer to the fine art of fellatio. A scene where a man surrenders his penis and scrotum to the intentful worship of another's wanton mouth. I am not talking about "face fucking", quite the opposite as the vagina is a far better orifice for fucking. I am talking about a setup in which the fellated remains rather passive and the fellator actively and skillfully executes the lovemaking. Why? Because the optimal fellatio (or cunnilingus) session is the one where the receiver offers up their genitals and juices and is free to focus on receiving and totally savoring the oral caresses and acceptance of their lover.

When talking about 'blowjobs' there is a lot of undue focus on the skill of 'deepthroating'. While visually stunning and an impressive athletic feat, from a purely tactile sensory perspective it is subpar. The sensitive head of the penis ends up far from the dexterous pleasure giving lips and tongue. If I want deep thrusting, again, vaginal intercourse is unparalleled in this regard. Intercourse is not however capable of manipulating a penis (or clitoris) with the kind of dexterity and control that the hands, lips and tongue can.

Just like cunnilingus, with fellatio, less is often more. By this I mean a couple of things, first; start slow, primarily because you'll have nowhere to escalate things too, it will desensitise him and you'll get tired or uncomfortable too quick. Second, with strategic hand use and keeping just the head of the penis in your mouth (making sure to use the tongue on the frenulum), very little head bobbing is actually required.

Though I discounted deepthroat as mostly visual, the visual component of fellatio can not be ignored. Men are aroused visually, men love their penises and men especially love to see their penises enthusiastically loved. It honestly doesn't matter how messy (in fact this is good) or 'lady like' this is so get over it and don't be afraid to put on a bit of a show for him, have fun with it, he will love it, trust me.

I want to watch my lovers skilled mouth, hands and perceptive mind slowly edge me towards ecstasy, keeping me on the cusp of orgasm and ejaculation for a seemingly interminable time. I want my partner to expertly infer my arousal level from the quivering of my cock, the tenseness of my balls, my moaning and the taste of my precum. I want my partner to knead, milk and suckle my manhood until my prostate fills and my whole being begs for release. I want my partner to feel pride and power in controlling my arousal and possessive of my manhood and seed.

In fellatio I want my partner to take my orgasm. I do not want to thrust or compel my cum out, I want it to be extracted from me, sucked and milked dry. I want to look down into my lovers eyes and feel as though there is nowhere to go, but to be forced into bliss. I want to feel like my partner is genuinely invested in my bliss, unreserved and unashamed in their pursuit of it. I want my partner to; clasp and caress my balls as though they were the most precious things on earth, while kneading my glowing prostate through my perineum, proudly stroking my shaft, their lips firmly sealed around the coronal ridge of my cock as their tongue lashes at my frenulum in a come hither motion. I want my partners eyes to say "this is my man, my cock, my balls and my cum and I am proud of it all and I accept you" as they suck and massage every last drop of my seed into their hungry mouth, only releasing my cock from their pursed lips as it starts to soften and the last contractions of my orgasm fade.

The second most discussed aspect of fellatio, besides deepthroat, is the issue of the cum and where it ends up. By my definition, fellatio must end with cum in my partners mouth, otherwise it was oral foreplay leading to a handjob or intercourse, which is fine, but it's not fellatio. I feel an incredible amount of guilt and shame that I want my partners to accept my cum into their mouth, but I nonetheless want this and cannot divorce myself from this desire despite the anxiety it places on me and my partners. Whether my partner wants to swallow, spit or drool it back out onto my cock matters much less than being welcomed, encouraged and compelled to cum in this most intimate and vulnerable way. If given the choice though, the unequivocal acceptance of being swallowed is a magical and mess free culmination to a carnal and caring act of devotion.

I am usually calm and collected, unfortunately, fellatio makes me manic depressive. I want it so badly. I feel so deprived of it. I have spent so much time, effort and thought on this topic over the last 22 years and all I have really got to show for it is shame, guilt, frustration, wasted time and money and a cache of fellatio porn. It makes me sad and even mad that I am so sad and upset over this, causing a downward spiral. It is fucking stupid, but I can't help obsessing over it and wanting it. Perhaps worst of all, I am increasingly to blame for not having the courage to break the cycle of shame, avoidance and regret. Even so, I feel guilty as fuck for wanting this and discussing, writing or asking for it in any way.

I constantly chicken out before even broaching the subject with predictable excuses; I don't deserve it, my penis is dirty (even if its clean), my partner is; tired, doesn't enjoy it, doesn't feel successful at it, there are chores to do, it is not going to be good anyway, we should just do something less awkward first then conveniently forget etc etc. Even when I do grow the balls to bring it up, I rarely follow through as I usually start feeling guilty for creating an obligation or get scared that it won't be successful so I avoid or sabotage.

I want to be wanted. I don't always want to have to ask, initiate or take fellatio (or sex for that matter), a big part of fellatio for me will always be surrendering, receiving and being accepted. I want my partner to, of their own volition, without pressure or prompting, worship and devour me as I do them. Really, it's about being touched and accepted in places that we don't fully accept ourselves and we want to be shown it's ok.

There are many ways to express love. With most men, it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is still fantastic) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he really wants her to be open to him and accept him, not only sexually, but also emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your man fellatio, you are giving him love in a special way that he understands it and can receive. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It's the same in an intimate relationship.

A reluctant fellator often says; 'Why is it all about the sex, why is it so important that I suck his dick?!!" It isn't really about the sex, actually. It's about how men perceive love and acceptance and admiration. It's respecting your man, being vulnerable, allowing him to be vulnerable, deepening your connection with and trusting him, showing that you love the part of him that ultimately makes him a man.

When you reject or neglect fellatio in your relationship you are essentially saying that you are are rejecting or neglecting him. Compounding the situation, non-fellators feelings of insecurity and fear about their man wanting his sexual needs met and not feeling able to, leads to a downward spiral. This rift causes him to reject that part of himself, which invariably leads to a painful internal contradiction cascading into resentment and a reduction to the level of passion and love in the relationship.

If you have or want a committed and loving man in your life, do yourself a favour, and make a commitment to yourself and to him to learn how to really show him and his penis (and balls, don't forget them) some love and acceptance. If your efforts don't produce a ten times return on investment in the overall quality of your relationship, you are sucking on the wrong penis, find a better man.