Wicked Games Pt. 08

This story contains themes of nonconsensual sex and trauma, lots of rough painful sex and some extremely questionable roleplay. There is also a brief mention of blood. Proceed with caution.

*

The weeks that followed Violation Day were characterized by this unceasing, all-consuming sexual frenzy, the likes of which Nicholas had never experienced. All day, every day, all he wanted was Valerie, all he wanted to think about was her cock, and the feeling of being fucked.

The weekdays were rough on him, because Valerie spent most of the day in class. Ideally, they would be able to find some time between her classes, around 11:00 on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, usually 10:00 on Tuesday and 2:30 on Thursday, to sneak off to one of Valerie's spots, her little nook in the park by the creek, on the other side of the fallen tree, or the locking handicap-accessible bathroom in the Theatre building, or Gilbert's classroom, and they would play around, Nicholas could get fucked, walk away with her cum inside him. Thing was, all of those times were times when he was supposed to be in class, he just didn't care anymore, he needed Valerie, how could missing a class matter more than seeing her again?

Actually he found himself missing more classes than just the ones he needed to miss to see Valerie. Even when he showed up, he wasn't really there. On a good day his mind was on his next encounter with Valerie; on a bad day, his mind was on The Violation. One day, in an attempt to study, he looked through his notes from HST 212 and found two pages of weird writing. Several lines, messily scrawled, "she loves my pussy she loves my pussy she loves my pussy she loves my pussy she loves my pussy boypussy she calls it boypussy that's fine its good don't want to be a boy its good dont want to be this hate this hate this," at which point the rest of the page was consumed by frustrated scribbling. On the opposite page, a different mantra, "I love her cock", over and over, this time uninterrupted by any outbursts of self loathing. How odd, he thought, I have no memory of writing this.

Anymore, he felt so horribly unsafe walking around by himself, even in broad daylight. He'd hear a loud noise, maybe someone dropping a book, and he'd start shaking, and then he'd be consumed by this awful surge of embarrassment and self consciousness, scuttling off to class staring at the ground, thinking about he was stupid, stupid, weak and stupid, what a reaction to something so small. Was he broken now, or had he always been this flimsy?

Well, he was certainly too weak to stop Rose. On a bad day, he'd be going through each step of what happened, thinking of ways he could have resisted better. He should have run away immediately when she showed up at the door, not just back away and let her punch him. He should've just bolted out of there when she told him to stay put, damn them breaking his bones, just do it, that was his last best chance. He thought about his kick to her shin, how he should have gone for her crotch or maybe tried to knock her off balance. He thought about the biting, the useless biting that had done nothing except make her excited... all those pathetic little protestations, all the times he said "No" as if he even thought it would matter to her. Was it just performance, had he been performing resistance to get her off the whole time? Had he wanted it, really? If not, how did she get him to cum?

At one point on the day right after it happened, he got himself worked up over the idea that Valerie knew about him cumming, she'd leave him for sure, she'd recognize that he was a depraved little slut who had betrayed her. But he couldn't bear to hide it.

Tears streaming down his face, he sent her a message:

"I just need to confess that I came when Rose was doing what she did, I'm sorry, so sorry."

Shortly after, she replied, "Lol I knew that already, Rose told me right before I beat her up. Don't you remember?"

Oh. Right. How silly of him. "Lol I did forget 😅 Sorry just had a small crisis over that."

"Just know that she makes a point of making guys cum. More than once if she can help it. If you only came once then you did better than most, if that helps."

That did make Nicholas feel better. For about five minutes. Valerie can give her little pat answers about how it wasn't his fault, sure, but she wasn't there, she didn't see, she can't really know.

But then, he knew, the further he got away from The Violation, the more the memory faded, the more it became supplanted by memories of memories of memories. The truth was, after a certain point, he couldn't say what had happened, or what it felt like.

And so part of the sexual mania was, he wanted to pick at the wound, find ways of recapturing the moment, hold it in his mind, feel it on his body, maybe understand a little better. The first time they went down to the spot in the park together, Nicholas said to Valerie, "Tell me about the last boy you brought down here."

Valerie seemed a little thrown by this. "Why would you want to hear about that?"

"Cause it's sexy!" he said, perhaps too enthusiastically. She continued looking at him with a concerned expression. "I mean, I guess, I didn't get what you meant before about wanting to re-experience it from the outside after it happened to you, but now I do. I don't know, it's... compelling, I want to hear more stories about it."

Valerie considered this for a moment. "His name was Jason. He was very cute, almost as cute as you," she smiled at him, "short, scrawny, blond hair and blue eyes. Really into birds. I invited him down here for a walk and he would point out all the different birds in the trees, tell me about them, like if that was the male or female of the species, say like 'Oh, that's the mating call'. I just really like watching boys talk about things they're passionate about. I think it's part of why I got so into you, just knowing you from the Roman history class and watching you talk about it and being so clearly passionate.

"But anyway we got closer to the spot and I suggested we go over there to make out, his face lit up really nicely at that. God, all his reactions to everything were so cute. I had high hopes for him. Like, so many guys get angry and ugly when the dick comes out, but him, his eyes just went wide, just staring at it. Didn't say anything nasty. Didn't say much of anything. He was very passive, very pliant through the whole thing, just sweet, soft little noises of pain as I thrust into him. Very cooperative, I almost thought he was into it, but he blocked my number, went running when he saw me after that," at this point her voice, which had been wistful, turned and sounded sad, guilty. "God, my brain is so messed up, I'm sorry," she shook her head.

Nicholas shrugged. "Don't need to say sorry to me."

"Yeah. I guess despite everything my default emotion towards all the stuff I did is, like... fondness? I still have to remind myself to feel bad about it."

"What good does feeling bad do?" Nicholas said. "I don't know... if it were me you'd done that with, I'd probably have become your boyfriend right then."

'Hmm, if only," she said with a slight smile. "I don't know, it's like... I find it very gratifying to show someone a new experience. And for most guys, any experience with me is a new one. And lots of people have so much trepidation about things like this, so much unwillingness to try... Why can't it be okay to give them a little push? Or a large one. Why does it have to mess people up so badly? I wasn't being sadistic the way Rose is..."

"That's the thing, I guess," Nicholas said, "that made me willing to give you a chance, that it seemed so obvious that the cruelty wasn't the thing you liked about it. Rose, she was in it for the cruelty, and like the first thing you notice about her is that she likes messing with people for its own sake, so she always seemed like bad news."

"I mean even what Rose does, like I guess the reason that back when I was... participating with her, that I could think of her as in any way better than those boys who got me was that she is genuinely very... precise about the experience she gives to someone."

He nodded at that, "No yeah, I see what you mean. Like even when she was hurting me, it was all very... yeah precise is the word. Calculated. Like, she isn't just using your body, I mean she is, but she is clearly very interested in giving you an experience. And I mean, so are you, just in a way less cruel kind of way."

"Yeah..." she seemed thoughtful. "I'm so glad to hear you say that, honestly? Like, it's good that I can talk about this stuff and you know what I mean and don't think I'm completely crazy."

"Well," he said, "I'm starting to think I might be completely crazy. I mean yeah, it's insane talking about these things like this, but they happened and here we are, you know? I don't think I could feel close to you in the way I feel close to you right now if what happened hadn't happened. And that's something, I guess."

Valerie sighed. "I mean that is nice to hear, but I also, like, don't feel great about the idea of you finding ways to think that what happened was for the best or something."

"It was a negative, obviously," Nicholas said, "but we're here now, gotta deal with that. Hey," he said, grin on his face, "what if we roleplay kind of, like when we get to your spot, I'll be some boy you led in unawares and I'll play surprised when your cock comes out, and you'll take me like you would one of those boys. How does that sound?"

It sounded hot to Valerie, but she still asked, "Are you sure you want to play like that?"

"Oh yes!" he said brightly, "I mean, I survived Rose Nail, what's the worst you can do?"

"Okay," she said, "But we should have a safeword if we're going to do that."

He sighed, "But I told you, I don't want a safeword, I want to just be under your power, just surrender."

"Then go ahead and don't use it," Valerie said firmly, "but I'm not fucking you if you don't pick a safeword."

"Fine," he said poutily, "I'll think of one."

But when they got to the spot, Valerie seemed to have forgotten her condition of him having a safeword, because she didn't bring it up again. She asked him, "You still wanna roleplay?"

He nodded, "But first, I just want you to know, since you like showing people new experiences, this will be the first time I've ever had sex outside. So that's cool."

She grinned eagerly at that. "Very cool. Alright, let's get into character now."

"So hey, Nicholas," she said, in a slightly different cadence, "there's a spot over there I think we could make out, how does that sound?"

"Oh, gosh, uh, sure! Sounds great!" Nicholas said, doing what he thought was a good job of sounding naive.

She grinned and took him by the hand, off the trail down a little dirt path toward a little spot by the river with some fallen trees obscuring the view from the main trail. When they were nice and hidden, she shot him a wide eyed grin, put her hand on his back and pulled him in close to give him a kiss, first a lustful closed mouth kiss, then pushing her tongue into his mouth. She stroked his back gently as she did it.

She pulled away for a second, "Mmm, I've wanted you for a long time, you know that?"

"Really?" he said, "Oh, Valerie, I've always thought you were pretty."

"Mmm, you're pretty too," another kiss. "Put your hands on my boobs."

So he did, gently cupping them while her hands went down to his belt. As she undid it, he said, still in a high, naive sounding voice, "Whoa, Valerie, aren't we going kind of fast?"

"Oh, Nicholas, I can't help myself," Valerie said. "I mean, look what you've done to me."

She pulled her cock out of her jeans. Of course, she was already hard. He was so happy to see her cock again, but he kept playing along. He gave her a wide eyed look, big dramatic gasp, put his hands over his mouth. "Oh my God, I had no idea..."

"Mmm, have you ever taken a cock before?"

"W-what? Like, up my butt? No..."

At that Valerie had to suppress a snicker, but she kept playing along. "Yes, Nicholas, up your butt. It'll be fun!"

Her grin made him grin too, but otherwise he stayed in character. He backed away slowly, "I, uh, I don't know about this..."

"Aw, but we're all the way out here," Valerie said, and she yanked his jeans down. He actually tripped from that, fell on his ass into the sand. There she was, standing over him, big weird grin, burning eyes, hard cock sticking out of her jeans. She looked like paradise.

"Get your ass up," she said, and when he hesitated she grabbed his body and rolled him over so his ass was facing her. Swiftly, she pulled his briefs down, and gave his exposed ass a smack. He was loving the way she manhandled him.

"I'm scared," he said, in a voice that almost sounded like he was.

"I'll make it nice for you baby," he heard her say, and he felt a lubed finger run over the outside of his hole. He gasped at that, a real gasp. Soon enough he felt her lubed cock running up and down his crack. Involuntarily, his hips moved toward her, to give her his hole.

"Hmmm, I think you're ready," she said, and started pushing in.

"Oh!" He made a noise. The now-familiar stretching of his hole as she pushed into him, this time so slow, so gentle, so slippery. The feeling was amazing. If this was how she did it, how could anyone object? "Oh, it's so big!" he said, keeping the performance up.

"Yeah, it is," she grinned, "and you're gonna take all of it." She pushed in deeper, deeper, until it was all the way in, until his insides felt so wonderfully full. Then she started thrusting harder.

"Ohhhh, there's so much! I don't know about this..."

"Hmm, I know you're loving it baby, don't pretend otherwise. Play with your cock for me, it'll help."

He started stroking himself vigorously. He was already so close, so close...

"Ah! Coming!" and it sprayed out of him, onto the sand beneath him. He heard her deep satisfied moan as she watched him cum.

"See, I knew you liked it. Now let me get mine..."

And now, the familiar tightening, the increase in sensitivity. He was well used to it now, could handle it, but it made it easier to pretend... "Oh! Oh it's too much now, please stop."

"Hmm, but I need to get mine though," she said, sweet, gentle voice, "you want to make things even, right? You owe me after all." She started fucking rougher, harder.

"Aaaahhhhh, that hurts, that hurts!" And it did, he wasn't acting anymore. "Stop, stop, I can't take it," that was acting, he didn't actually want her to.

"Hmmmmm," her voice was low and hungry now, in a way he found exciting, "I know it's hurting you, but I want to see how much you can take." By now she was withdrawing her cock completely and, with each thrust, ramming it all the way in, hard, very fast. Hurt like hell each time, but with it there was some strange ecstasy. He wanted so badly for her to keep using him, keep going, fill him with her cum, hurt him fuck him own him destroy him fuck him to death yes yes yes.

"You're a good little bottom, aren't you?" she purred.

"Yes!"

"I can do anything I want with you, can't I?"

"Yes!"

"Mmmm, you're mine."

"Argh! Fuck! I love you, Valerie!"

And that seemed to push her over the edge. There was a change in her breathing, a distinct loss of control, a series of deep thrusts and she fucked her cum into him, moaning deeply the whole way.

A few moments later they were sitting in the sand together, Valerie's arm around Nicholas.

Cautiously, Valerie asked, "I didn't go too far there, did I?"

He shrugged. "Like I said," and he planted a kiss on her cheek, "you can do anything you want with me."

She sighed. "I guess the thing that concerns me is that, like, I got so into the roleplay, it was so hot, but I started fucking you that hard cause I really wanted to be... raping you for real. I don't know, I'm realizing with you that I've sort of been lying to myself about what I was really getting out of the stuff I used to do. Like, I'm not like Rose, but... I do like to dominate. And I do have a sadistic streak."

"Well, I loved it," Nicholas said. "And I'm starting to realize I have a masochistic streak. I tell you what, I stand by what I said earlier, if this was our actual first time, I'd become your boyfriend now for sure."

She kissed him. "God, I love you." They embraced for a moment, until she asked, "What time is it?" She pulled her phone out of her pocket, "Crap, running late for class." She stuffed her cock back into her jeans, stood up, gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you in Droban's class later." Then she was gone.

For a moment, being alone with his thoughts was fine. He sat there holding onto a warm, happy feeling, so loved, so in love. Crazy how he could transmute the pain into happiness, but a good kind of crazy.

Right?

He had the thought that yes, Valerie was gentler than Rose, better than her all around, to such an extent that it seemed silly to bother saying it. But realistically if Valerie weren't in the picture he'd probably have just let Rose keep using him after their first time too. Because, realistically, he was very into being fucked, being used as a pleasure object to gratify, and realistically he was already making some bad decisions because of that.

Which of course brought him back around to his other fears, that he fundamentally couldn't be trusted, that he couldn't trust himself, that maybe, maybe, what Rose did to him was his fault, that he'd let it happen because he wanted it to happen. That he didn't deserve Valerie.

Oh well. He knew what he wanted now, which was to be fucked. Before, he was living, but not really for anything, he had no real struggle for survival, and the dream of being a historian someday always felt vague and chancey. Now he had something to live for. Now he was living for the next time he could feel her cock inside him, the next time he could receive her seed. Sometimes he felt broken, but a lot of the time, when he was feeling good, when he was lost in the sexual fantasies, in the happy memories, or especially when he was actually being fucked, he felt like he had transcended mere humanity, shed his human concerns and fully embraced the love of cock.

It was almost surreal when he was able to just talk with Valerie, how human he felt when it was her and him before the pants came off. He didn't feel human around anyone else anymore, just this scuttling little bug creature, this gross little thing, dirty and pathetic.

Being with Valerie made him feel safe, made him feel... acceptable, in a way nothing else could at this point. Which might have been why he had gotten so into pretty extreme public displays of affection in the immediate aftermath of the Violation. The Friday after, he was waiting outside the Roman History class for Valerie, hoping to talk her into a quickie before class. The demons had been eating at him for hours, and he was hoping some physical validation would help him feel okay. When she got there, he jumped up and wrapped his arms around her, kissing her on the cheek right there in front of everyone.

She grinned widely at this, but she gently but firmly pushed him away. "Nicholas, behave."

"What if we snuck off to the bathroom before class together?" he whispered to her, undeterred.

"Nah, we'd miss class," she said. He didn't like hearing that, this was what had been keeping him going for hours, and she just didn't want to...

"I mean, it sounds really hot," she added, hastily, "just don't wanna miss class. I'm not as knowledgeable about this stuff as you after all."

He nodded, vacantly, "Yeah, yeah I can wait."

"Hey," she said, grinning, and she kissed his cheek, "This is my last class of the day, and then it's the weekend. We've got nothing but time together coming up. You can wait two hours, yeah?"