All Comments on 'A New World Order Ch. 02'
by darkcreations
- 10 Comments
Oh Anonymous User, thank you for your cutting and incisive commentary.
I have always been at a loss as to how my writing failed where others didn't. I thought perhaps it was the diction, the syntax, or simply my own inability to express my thoughts clearly. However, I now realize the err of my ways.
When I set out to write the gripping tale, I was specifically thinking of the numerous amount of post-apocalyptic movies I've seen. Well, come to think of it, I've only seen the new Planet of the Apes series, but I suppose we can imagine my story is an artistic representation, Kelsey representing the whole of humanity and Jared/Jake representing those damn dirty apes.
Anyways, I shall forever remember the cutting details of your review. Next time I set out to write a story, I shall endeavor to avoid any "movie fantasies", I suppose I'll never get to write that No Country For Old Men slash fic that I was totally planning, and will do my absolute best to avoid being "awful". My standards were always to simply write something better than "50 Shades Of Grey", but now I aim to please your higher standards. After all, I didn't even earn the right for you to reveal your name this go around.
I'm enjoying your story. I'm glad you removed Jake though and I'm hoping whoever does buy her is a real Alpha Dom ;) I enjoy dystopian future fiction so that aspect adds, for me at least. All in all, it's a solid, entertaining piece.
Do not listen to the haters. love your writing style, plot build up. You could get a little more character build up.
Great story would love to see her work as a whore get used and then freed by one of her old slavers partners. She can then go search and capture Jake to get revenge. Only to find she loves him for helping her find her true self a whore.
Please keep writing looking for part 3 soon.
Perhaps your story does have a cinematic taste to it. Hey, those moves make millions and millions of dollars because people like them. I am eager to read you next chapter.
I would like to see a bit more development of Kelesy's mind and emotions. Also, I'd be interested in her internal conflict between the before becoming a slave in training, so to speak, and the becoming a slave parts of her. I hope the man who was her slave and became her owner does not drop out of the story. I'd like to know something about his back story. And her back story too.
Like your story. I hope she get pimped out and NOT that she start liking it. After all this is the noncon section. The dystopian storyline is really interesting and your style is nice.
Good plot and not lacking in mystery .She may be a heroine or just in a short story or a novel but it is up to author to keep it interesting.
I searched throughout and failed to find eroticism.
For a dystopian movie with some humor, a little eroticism and far better than the endless string of Planet of the Imitation Apes, see if you can find a copy of "A Boy and His Dog".