- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Eating the Music
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Click hereHis is the voice I never had,
and with his voice I shouted
things no one ever heard,
until this day gave up to me
another little cherry
to bite and to lick
until I can claim this, too,
as my very own dream.
I've been chewing the words
with the last firm cherry
from this bunch of days -
just mashing the sounds
into a gooey mess in my mouth
until the sounds are all the same.
I've tasted sour notes
and bitter lyrics
until they're all sweet
and juicy dripping into me,
words and music now a mess
ready to slide into my throat.
"Love, I still need it,
that feeding frenzy of sound,
keep it coming,
Love."
Sated once, but not for all,
just everlasting aftertaste
welling up in my throat,
and I sing the shouted sounds
as his voice echoes the pain
and offers me the music
on which I survive.
- COMMENTS
but this one needs a bit of trimming. The poem is there, you just need to find it in all the words. Reading it out loud may help you find the exact combinations you need.
jim : )
Your title caught my eye as I'm a big Kate Bush fan. I liked several of your metaphors, but as YDD said it could use some tightening up. For example from Kate Bush's "Eat the Music" Split me open, with devotion. You put your hands in, and rip my heart out.Eat the music.-- The words are tight, concise, and full of imagery- much as I got from your poem Good effort. Keep it up- Thanks.
A nice read that could be tightened up into a very good poem.
For instance the second stanza is nowhere as strong as the third,
and it could benefit from a rethinking of the last two lines.
Perhaps concentrate more on the taste and nourishment
and less on the mass in the mouth?
The poet should put this one away for awhile
and then come back to it with a new eye.
It is worth it.