- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Falling Out of Love
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click heremy love for him dislodges, flies off into a tree
out of reach, clinging by sixteen claws
it gleams purple-red-green amongst the leaves
metallic, mylar-exciting, it shakes its spines
regards me with heart shaped eyes
I grab at it, popping up, down on tip toes
slippery, sharp as it is, I finally grip it
try to shove it back in my gut—
it no longer fits.
- COMMENTS
This is really good! Like Tess's comment, the last line is a punch to the gut. I might have made it its own 1 line stanza with some eye space between it and the rest of the poem for that microscopic sigh before the end of it.
High five.
your usual strong stuff but I agree with others tht it could be pared down more--there are certain phrases that feel unnecessary (like "mylar-exciting"). x
and even though i think this would be stronger with cutbacks on extra words, i love your original take on this age old sadness, its bright visuals ... its bald, sad statement.
....are clever the way you make the love a slightly sinister beast, that gives us a premonition that it's terminal. I'm not sure about line 6. The last line is a perfect punch to the gut. Well done.
Tess