All Comments on 'Falling Out of Love'
by vrosej10
- 7 Comments
one I write about a lot, however obliquely. I think your description of knowing it's over is not so bitter and maybe that why it makes the end line so sad and really brings the whole thing into focus. And it's a perfect ending imo because that is exactly what happens: it just isn't there anymore.
"shove it back in my gut" is great, too!
....are clever the way you make the love a slightly sinister beast, that gives us a premonition that it's terminal. I'm not sure about line 6. The last line is a perfect punch to the gut. Well done.
Tess
and even though i think this would be stronger with cutbacks on extra words, i love your original take on this age old sadness, its bright visuals ... its bald, sad statement.
your usual strong stuff but I agree with others tht it could be pared down more--there are certain phrases that feel unnecessary (like "mylar-exciting"). x
This is really good! Like Tess's comment, the last line is a punch to the gut. I might have made it its own 1 line stanza with some eye space between it and the rest of the poem for that microscopic sigh before the end of it.
High five.