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Last

remembering our last time
the way you teased
brought me right
to the edge
then pushed me over...
like a tsunami
drawing back
then overwhelming me
with a flood of sensation
doesn’t help to subdue
the memory

of the awful way
you screamed
as you left me
the way you cried
I pleaded with you
not to go
I tried everything
it wasn’t enough
to keep you
I’m left with no choice
but to find another
battery-powered friend.

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  • COMMENTS
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25 Comments
RossDanielsRossDanielsalmost 16 years ago
You hooked me . . .

. . . and reeled me right in. I was truly feeling your pain--right down to the last line. Nice job.

woolfatthedoorwoolfatthedoorover 19 years ago
This girl can write!

Adroit, slithery, manque in an not maudlin way, with charming denouement. Delightful! Submit this to the New Yorker!

rikaaimrikaaimover 19 years ago
Nice start

Nice start to your writing career. This is a well written poem that has great form and good structure. It flows smooth and the words are rich and vibrant. You display a powerful image of emotion that turns the tables and becomes very humorous because of the way you set up a dark and rich tone. The first stanza alone could stand as a poem. The way you tied it all together worked rather well, which is hard to do because of how deep the beginning was set up. Good job and very funny. I hope you keep writing because you have a way with words. You really know what you're doing.

AppleBiterAppleBiterover 19 years ago
Loved It!! :)

It was very powerful and the end made me giggle. Excellent work!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
LOL

"of the awful way

you screamed"

i commiserate. well done!

she_is_my_addictionshe_is_my_addictionover 19 years ago
*laughs*

I read it so fast the last part didn't even register in my mind until about five seconds later. Now I'm laughing my ass off! Wonderful poem, sweet and lighthearted. Hope to see more from you!

:kiss:

angelicminxangelicminxover 19 years ago
LOL

I love it!<screaming for more> Love ya, babe! ~Minx

eric shawn listoeric shawn listoover 19 years ago
Great...

...kicker at the end as all have said. The build up was intense as well. Loved it, eric.

Quiet_CoolQuiet_Coolalmost 20 years ago
Nice...

Nicely done, VA. I'm not one for poetry, but it's nice to see one that isn't over-dramatically sickening. Well done, and humorous.

Q_C

Honey123Honey123almost 20 years ago
LOL

You pulled me in with the first verse and left me laughing with the last!!!

Great job!

~Honey

BlackShanglanBlackShanglanalmost 20 years ago
A wonderful laugh and a fine poem

As I was reading down the poem, I was thinking to myself, "How amazing. The author is tackling the 'now you're gone wahhhh' theme and actually making it interesting and succint - very hard to do. I shall have to watch this talent." Then I came to the end ;) Better and better! Loved it, loved it. Well done indeed.

LuciousBi-Writes4ULuciousBi-Writes4Ualmost 20 years ago
VA.....SWEET!!

good one VA!

keep them cumming....

minsueminsuealmost 20 years ago
Very nice

I'm so glad you posted it, Sweet. =0) (yes, I know, I'm late....I've been distracted.)

Dar~Dar~almost 20 years ago
Nice work,

happened quick. Maybe you could draw us a little longer. Nah! It's perfect.

msboy8msboy8almost 20 years ago
What a poem!

Good poem. The ending took me by suprise, but it was lovely.

~photoguy~~photoguy~almost 20 years ago
Most Excellent VA !!

sweet, sexy ... with a kicker at the end ... nicely done!!!

logophilealmost 20 years ago
Nice Work VA

Well written, evocative and funny. Can't wait to see your next work!

skip.69skip.69almost 20 years ago
Surprise

What a surprise ending. Started like any love poem, but then at the end - Wham!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 20 years ago
Buy Quality

It saves money in the long run, to buy high quality products. They are more reliable and won't break down when you need them the most.

I think Black & Decker make a really sturdy one.

Great poem--I loved the surprise!

Bill DadaBill Dadaalmost 20 years ago
'I'm Left With No Choice'

...but to laugh my ass off.

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