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Click hereAbsailing, spiraling,
slowly uncoiling
In a bed I sowed
I lay
Remorseful pain
eating me slowly
The rug has been laid;
Yet the edges frayed
I bear the guilt
of unrequited love
Loyalty and trust
shattered by a kiss
Yearning desires
untold passions
left to wallow
Abandoned hopes
Shattered dreams
taken by the lips
of a stranger
I bow defeated
I'm sorry
A little uneven in parts, but the feeling comes through. I'm shivering!
But still better than a lot of what I read here.
I like the stream of thought format though. Well done.
The parts of the poem that really work for me:
Absailing, spiralling, slowly uncoiling
That's me.
[...]
The rug has been laid;
Yet the edges frayed
I think it needs more work in some areas.
Still not bad at all.