Autumn Light

**

She came into the room and stood facing me. I could make out the silhouette of her but not her face which was lost in shadow. She pulled her t-shirt up over her head and I could just make out the white material of her bra. Then that was gone too, unclipped and discarded onto the couch beside her. I could see the darkness of her areola.

She kneeled in front of me and undid my belt. Then, as I lifted myself up, she tugged down my trousers and underwear in one easy movement, pulling them over my ankles and then pushing them aside.

My cock was so hard. I hadn't believed I would ever feel anything again, but at that moment I felt intensely alive again, alive and passionate and alert. Terri would nearly always start by sucking me. And she knew I loved it when she sucked me topless, her own trousers or skirt still on. I don't know why I found that half-nakedness arousing, but I did. There was no way Tara could have known that.

Unless it wasn't Tara in the room with me. Perhaps Terri had really come back, one last time to say goodbye.

That was ridiculous. Of course it was. But try as I might, I couldn't make out the face of the woman knelt in front of me. The woman bending down to take me in her mouth. The woman whose lovely firm breasts I could now feel pressed against my legs.

I groaned as I felt first her breath and then the graze of a tongue on the tip of my cock. Just the faintest of touches. A tease, delivered by a woman who knew exactly how to lovingly torment her man. Not the act of a young girl with a new lover for the first time.

"Suck me," I gasped. "Please, fuck, put me in your mouth."

Instead, the tongue retreated, then was applied instead to my balls, swirling softly around them before advancing up my shaft. Agonisingly slowly. Exquisitely slowly.

Finally the tongue reached the top and paused. I waited. My whole body was tense with expectation. I found myself whimpering under my breath. Please, please... PLEASE.

Her mouth took me and I almost came. I don't know how I didn't. The sensation was so wonderful that it was almost like an orgasm, waves of pleasure going through with such intensity that I was sure I must have climaxed and filled her mouth with my milky seed. But, as those waves subsided, I realised I was still hard, still ready, still eager for more.

I reached down and held her head, gently but firmly. I began to fuck her mouth, thrusting back and forth into that delicious wet heat. Now I heard her whimpering, and I sensed, rather than saw, one of her hands sinking down to frantically loosen her jeans and reach in to touch herself.

My thrusts increased in tempo. Back and forth, in and out, scarcely able to believe just how good and magical it felt. Did we do that for two minutes? Ten? Twenty? I don't know. But at some point the pleasure became almost too much, and my hunger took a new form. I needed to be inside her, I needed to feel her body closer to mine, to possess her, to lose myself in her.

I changed my grip on her head, taking a firm handful of her hair in my hand and gently raising her face up to me. It was still bathed in shadow. I lowered my lips onto hers, greedily tasting her mouth and the traces of me that lingered on her lips. She put her arm around me and pulled me closer, pulled me out of the chair and down on top of her, lying on her body on the living floor. I felt her hips pushing against mine, impatient for our bodies to be merged.

I lifted myself up from her for a few brief moments, enough for her to reach down and push her jeans down and off. Then my own shirt was gone too, and our two naked bodies strained against each other in that kind, sheltering darkness.

My cock pushed against her stomach. I was too high up her body and I slid down slightly, exulting in the feel of her nipples against my chest. She spread her legs even wider for me and now I was poised, ready to plunge into her. I could feel her wetness coating the tip of me. I just had to push forward and I would be there. The instinct to do that was almost overpowering.

But... Terri and I had our games, and this was one of mine. Often -- too often, probably -- I would tease her when we reached this point. I would stay just outside her, or perhaps with just the first few millimetres inside her, and I would ask her if she should carry on. Sometimes -- and this was naughty -- I would solemnly ask her for her consent to penetrate her. And she would scratch at my back and howl and buck her hips and try and force me into her, and I would try and stop her for as long as I could before gratefully relenting.

So I stopped, and waited. And whether it was Terri or Tara beneath me I don't know but the sound of exasperation and desperation and need that came from her could have come from either of them, and strong arms went around me, surprisingly strong arms, and her legs wrapped around mine and pulled me down and with that my game was effortlessly swotted aside. She wanted to be fucked, and nothing was going to stop her getting what she wanted.

I had forgotten just how intoxicating it was to be inside a woman. To have your animal needs met and matched. To know that her body and mind were as lost in this moment as yours were.

I'm not ashamed to say I used her that night. That wonderous body beneath me seemed to anticipate my every move, taking me to the edge of orgasm more than once and then somehow leading me back from the edge with subtle changes of position and rhythm. I was soaked in sweat as I pounded her silky, responsive, perfect flesh.

She rolled me onto my back and straddled me. I was close now, very close, almost desperate to erupt inside her. I could feel her muscles squeezing my cock, somehow both encouraging my climax and preventing it in the same movement. I reached up and cupped her breasts. Her nipples were hard beneath my palms.

The room had been dark, almost pitch black, but now a car must have passed by as for a brief moment a beam of light from the window illuminated her face, just for a split second. I gasped, because it was Terri. Then the light washed over her again, and it was Tara. And then we were back into the comforting blackness, and she was bent over my chest, whispering softly in my ear. A voice that could have been either of theirs, or perhaps neither, or perhaps -- as I like to think -- some strange, wonderful hybrid of the two.

"Come in me. Please my sweet man... come in me."

I groaned and surrendered. My body jolted as I unleashed my load inside her. As I came I felt her own body responding, her own orgasm washing through her, and I put my arms around her and held her close, never wanting to let her go.

**

We lay like that for a long while, my cock still encased deep inside her. Probably at least half an hour. Then, as I stroked her back, I realised there were goose bumps along her back. The room had grown cool.

"Hey," I whispered. "We need to get you warm."

There were soft murmurings. Her face was buried in my chest. Then she stirred, and looked up at me, and now I could clearly see it was Tara, of course, as it must have been all along. She looked at me a little shyly, but also, I thought, with a touch of pride.

"I hope that was OK for you," she said softly.

"Oh Tara," I said, and reached down and kissed her. She murmured again with pleasure at my kiss, returning it deeply.

Reluctantly I broke the kiss. With a slight grunt of protest she slid off me and we got to our feet.

I led her upstairs to the shower and ran the water as hot as I dared. Then we both squeezed into the stall together, taking turns to rub soap into each other and then wash it off. It was a lovely, intimate finish to a very special evening.

As we dried each other off Tara looked at me. She looked rather timid and abashed, which made my heart ache.

"I don't normally... I've never done anything quite like that before. I mean, I've had some boyfriends, but I only slept with one of them... so you're only my second, really. I must have seemed... really slutty."

"You were wonderful," I said. "You could never be slutty, Tara... you were just perfect and lovely and you have no idea how much... how much I needed you. I didn't know it either... but I do now. It's like... a whole load of shadows have just been taken away."

She looked reassured, though still slightly anxious. "And I know a lot of it was about Terri... but some of it... some of it was about me too, wasn't it?"

"Yes. It was."

I held her face in my hands and kissed her. "You're right... some of it was about Terri. About saying goodbye to her. But... I wanted you Tara, I think I wanted you since I saw you on that first night, on Halloween... I just needed a bit of a push, that's all."

"Do you think she'd mind?"

"No," I said. "I think Terri would have been delighted. She may even have sent you here, for all I know. That's probably nonsense... but I'd like to think so."

"Yes. I'd like to think so too."

Then she kissed me again. "I really had better get back."

She got dressed. I just put on a dressing gown. When she left I was just going to go to bed, and I thought I would probably sleep better than I had done since Terri died. But there was a new ache inside me as I watched her get ready to go.

"Do you think, um, you and the girls will still want to go through the clothes?"

She considered. "You mean, should I tell the girls that because you and I have... been to bed, they can't get any more free clothes?"

"I was wondering something like that, yes."

She pondered. Then her face broke into a mischievous smile. "I think... I think if that was to happen they would scratch my eyes out."

I felt a huge sense of relief.

"So... you might be back tomorrow?"

"Yes," she said. "I'd say that's a definite possibility. And I'll have to bring Claire and Alice. I think another couple of evenings and we'll have it all done for you."

"I see. That'll be... great. To have it all done. And... after that?"

She looked puzzled. "After that?"

"I just wondered if... if I was going to see you again... just you, I mean."

"Just me?"

"Yes," I said patiently. "Just you. Me and you. You know... like this."

"Ohhhh." She gave a noise of understanding. Then she shook her head.

"I don't think that would be appropriate, do you? Not really."

"No... I suppose it wouldn't."

"I mean... you are a lot older than me."

"Yes. I am."

She puffed out her cheeks, as if deep thought. Then, just as the shadows seemed to be rolling back over me, she walked over and put her arms around my shoulders. There was a spark of mischief in her eyes. A very Terri-like expression.

"It's very, very sweet," she said, "that you think you have a choice."

Then she kissed me, a long, firm, passionate kiss that made my head swim.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said. "And the day after that and the day after that and the day after that until you can't stand the sight of me."

"I don't think that'll ever happen," I said.

"We'll see. I hope not. But we'll see. Now I really have to go."

At the top of the stairs she turned and looked at me one final time.

"Simon?"

"Yes."

"I would like one thing. One day. Not yet -- when you're ready."

"Anything," I said. "Anything at all."

"Write me a letter," she said. "Or write me something, something just for me. That I can keep in a box when I'm old and look at it and remember everything about me and you. Please?"

I nodded. "Sure," I said. "I could do that."

And then she was gone, and I heard the door shut behind her, and I was alone again in the house. Properly alone there for the first time, and that was how it should be.

"Thank you, Terri," I said to the empty house. "I love you."

Then I went to bed. But, despite my prediction, it took me longer to get to sleep than I thought it would. My mind was too busy thinking of all the things I would write for Tara.