Blindsided - Judy's Downfall

A few days after we got home, Judy floored me by asking for a divorce. My brain felt numb, but things started moving very fast; lawyers and social services and crying kids. Parents and in-laws not understanding.

I had no explanation. I learned from my attorney that she started sleeping with Howie as soon as she had legal cover, in fact she now had him over when I was on the road, and while my kids were home! It started almost immediately on our return from the camp site, somehow she had contacted him. She actually offered me, generously in her mind, to only sleep with him in our house when I was out of town! I kicked her out, but quickly was informed via my lawyer that was grounds for me to loose the house, and my kids. She moved back in, it made everything more painful, seeing her there.

The divorce was ugly, she accused me of everything from abuse to molestation, knowing exactly what to say via her attorney. My attorney actually told me this was a textbook "University Divorce" case, (Her professors were coaching her on how to be liberated, evidently.) he's been part of dozens, all the same, and to stop fighting it; the marriage was over, she was an adult and made her own decisions. I kept thinking there was some reason, some outside influence, that made her personality change so abruptly, but I could find nothing. There was nothing I could fix.

It took every penny I had to win visitation with my kids, I took two jobs and couch surfed or slept in the truck to save money. I had to sell the house, she moved in with Howie, I stayed with my parents. She won custody of the kids, but they quickly refused to stay with her at "Howies" low rent apartment (They referred to him as "Vermin Herman".) It smelled, they said, he had weird friends over, and he devoured any food in the in house instantly, leaving them hungry. Instead, I helped them to stay at relatives, friends, or with me. Judy seemed to not care, in fact made no fuss when they were gone for weeks, as long as I made the court-ordered support payments on time. Her complete abandonment of any maternal feelings was one of the stranger issues with her personality change, going from a doting and devoted mother to letting her kids sleep on the dirty floor, hungry, while she partied with her new friends.

During this time, I met several local law enforcement officers; some were sympathetic, as she called child protection at the drop of a hat; any reason to squeeze a few more dollars out of me. They kept me informed as to her situation: She worked two jobs, dropping out of college. She was even seen dancing at a strip club, but luckily it was 50 miles away and Howie's car rarely made it that far. She cleaned hotel rooms, or worked as a cashier at a truck stop. As far as I could tell, Howie never worked, but had many low-level run-ins with the law. Theft, Drugs, Shoplifting, typical scum behavior. Later, I heard that he was busted trying to pimp her out, but didn't serve any time.

I saw her and sometimes, at Howies, every third weekend I got to spend with my kids. It hurt every time. She acted like this change in her life was completely normal, her marriage has run it's course and she had moved on, why didn't I? The kids endured, until each went off to college. Thank god for ROTC and scholarships.

It's been 20 years, I never re-married, still feeling shell-shocked, I guess. Part of me still hopes that one of these days she'll wake up from this self-destructive nightmare, but that's a fools' dream. I still feel like a big part of my guts are missing, a giant hole in my soul. People ask me about it even now, and to this day I'm unable to explain.

Why an I telling you all this? Cheating is not always about your wife with a younger man, a handsome stranger, a powerful boss, or an ex-boyfriend with a big cock. Sometimes, you're just blindsided.