Branded

"Interesting. This guy has the neatest thing on his chest. Hell, it looks like a brand or something. Like a heart. Not deep and mostly...What's the matter, Noel? You look like you just saw a ghost. Wait! Don't tell me. You're like his ex- or something." She shook her head. "You branded him!"

She nodded. "Yes, but I didn't mean to. It, it..."

"Was a long time ago. So let's get busy and you can tell me about it."

As they cleaned, Noel went over the night when she was fifteen. Ariel burst out laughing. "Holy crap, Noel. Talking about being young, dumb and innocent. At least you didn't burn him too deep."

"It gets worse. I went home crying, so my brothers went out and beat him to a pulp. When I saw him on Monday I could have died. There's a lot more, but that's when he started getting bigger."

"Well, I'll tell you what, Missy, why don't you finish him up, you know, check his lines and stuff while I run next door and check on my little old lady. Can you change the sheets and things?" She nodded. "And then what if you do range of motion on all of his joints. Top to bottom. I've been doing it some, but with three patients, makes it a little hard. Is that alright?

A lot better than fretting out there in the waiting area and then later on I'll buy you some lunch. Oh, and reposition him every hour or so even though our new beds say you don't really need to do it. Better safe than sorry, right? Got it?"

She started at the top. Gently move the neck without messing with the tube. Shoulders, elbows wrist, each finger. Bend all the way, straighten all the way, a full range of motion in all directions. Then lower extremities.

Stretch all the joints so they don't get stiff. Move all the muscles so they don't shorten. She noted that he was already tight. He's going to need this for a long time, she thought. Maybe for months. Or longer. She didn't want to think about that possibility. Didn't matter. She was sure he wouldn't allow her anywhere close once he was awake.

"Okay, Girlie. Time for lunch. My treat. So now, tell me the rest of the story. And don't give me this 'it's complicated' crap."

They ate lunch and then continued into the afternoon. "So, you still love this guy, his mom is like a mother to you, he hates you, but doesn't know you hang out with his mom and now you're here to help him and his fiancé get through this?

"Holy shit, Noel! No one could have dreamed this up! Maggie was right. It is complicated. First of all why aren't you all messed up like that other chick. Damn she's a mess. Scares me. Makes me anxious just bein' around her. And I hate that feeling."

"Me too. I feel like telling her to take some deep breaths or something, but she hates me too and would probably slug me."

"But what are you going to do when he wakes up and is extubated?"

Noel laughed. "I have no earthly idea."

"I know this is a terrible thing to wish for, but I just hope I'm here when they take that tube out and he talks to his mom the first time. Whoa. Movie stuff."

Two days later Noel was in early to bathe and help with Jonah's care. "I think today is the day the doc is going to take him off the vent, Noel, but he still can't cough worth a crap so we have to suction things out all the time, so he's gonna get trached. Better safe than sorry. Don't want pneumonia. I'm waking him up now so the ENT doc can talk to him then do it. Maybe you can go out and talk to his mom and Zoey about what's going to happen and I'll come out when we're done. Okay?"

She saluted. "Yup. I've got my marching orders, captain."

"Get the heck out of here, wise ass."

"Maggie, Zoey? All done. You can come back now and guess what? He can talk to you."

As they walked in, Jonah's eyes shifted to the door and his head slowly rotated that direction. "Hello beautiful. Sorry I messed up our engagement celebration. This has not been exactly what I had in mind."

"Oh, Jonah. You can talk! I've been so afraid, so worried. I love you so much. Please get better and the sooner the better."

"I'm trying, but it's kind of up to my nerves. I've been dreaming of holding you and hugging you so.."

"Are you having dirty thoughts about me, Baxter?"

"Why yes I have, Miss. Is that so wrong?"

"No. It's wonderful."

Zoey bent forward and hugged him, but not with her usual warmth or enthusiasm. She was hesitant, uncertain. "It's alright, Zo, I'm not going to break and I don't have cooties."

"I know, it's just that, well it doesn't matter. Your mom has been great. She's been helping me a lot in a lot of ways. Oh, shit, it is just so good to have you talk. It's been eight days. Eight horrible days. Have you tried moving your hands or legs or anything?"

Maggie watched the interplay. It was clear that her son was fully in love and committed, but each day Zoey seemed to be edging back some. Not good. But maybe it was. No way could she see her son with this girl long term.

And she didn't want any kids. Jonah always said he wanted three or four. What was he thinking? Same mistake so many folks make. They think that once they're married, their spouse will change. Will drop their annoying habits, being a mess, partying, hanging out with the guys all the time, drinking, whatever. They never do. They just get worse once they're married.

She knew her son would never ask for a divorce, he'd stick with a rotten marriage no matter what. Fool. But she would make his life miserable until she left. And she would leave one day. She'd seen it before. If only he could give Noel a chance. Now there was a girl that would make his life wonderful.

She dreaded the upcoming conversation. She hoped she could hold her own and explain. Make him understand. It was not going to be pretty. Patience, let it slide by like Noel.

"Yup. All the time, but no luck yet. But I'll get there. Zoey? You're going back to school right?"

"I don't know. I..."

"Look at me, Hon. You have to go. I could be tied up for a year."

"A year! No, no way! Don't even say such a thing. No way!" She started crying.

"Zo, I'm not planning on it, but so far I haven't had an 'oh by the way' case of this."

"But it just breaks my heart every time I see you like this. I need your strength, your closeness."

"I'm still going to be strong for you. As to the closeness part, you'll have to do that. Like you being on top," and he winked at her.

"Oh, Jonah. My poor, poor, Jonah." She kissed him, just lips, nothing more and a small hug. "Are you sure about school?"

"Absolutely. Makes no sense you just hanging around here all day and you'll be doing all kinds of exciting things that you can tell me about and make me feel a part of it."

"But I'll be gone for days at a time sometimes?"

"That's fine. I'll just be hanging around here watching home improvement shows or listening to audiobooks. I'll be boring company anyway. Heck I can't use my iPad or anything. Maybe I can get one of those mouth things like Stephen Hawking used. Cool. Please. Do it for me."

"If you're sure."

"I'm sure. Now one more kiss and then let me talk with my mother. Alone!

Maggie swallowed hard. "Hi, Jonah. It's it's so good to hear you talking again..."

Anger filled his voice and his face. "Cut the crap, Mom! What the hell is going on? Why the hell would you invite Noel here. After all the shit she's done to me, to our family. Why?"

"It's a long story. Maybe you should rest a while and we can discuss it later." Ariel smiled. She was outside the drapes and had intentionally left the doors open so she could listen whenever she had a chance. 'Good try, Maggie, ain't gonna work, though.'

"Mom!"

"Alright. Alright. It started the day you left for school..."

"Three years ago? And you never told me?"

"It just never seemed like the right time and then so much time had passed and...well, anyway, the day you left for school this young girl knocked on my door..."

"That's a hell of a tale, Mom. So she's like a daughter or something and you invited her here to help you? And you think I would let her take care of me? Is she scamming you? Taking your money, using your credit cards..."

"No. Absolutely not. She gives your dad and I every other paycheck she gets. She's never missed a one for three years. She lives in a shit hole and eats terrible stuff just so she can pay us back for what her family did."

"So you paid her to come out here?"

"No! I called and said I needed help. She quit her job that day and drove here. Drove for thirty hours straight! Just because I asked. That's the kind of woman she is, Jonah. She never wanted to hurt you or us. God, the stories she tells about her childhood with those older brothers and father? Hell, she should be a mass murderer or something. But she's not. She's kind, friendly, confident. She graduated second in her class. Missed by two points.

"Ariel and Cody both like her and trust her. She's already been helping out in your care. And we both know that the odds are pretty darn slim that you'll be up walking next week, right? You'll be going to the floor in a day or two. PT and OT will come in for an hour each day, but if you want to get better as fast as you can, you need Noel to work with you all day every day.

"Then what, Jonah? A nursing home or something until you can do three hours or more of stuff a day and then transfer to a rehab center? Our insurance will only pay for that for thirty days or so. Then what? We'll hock everything we have and pay whatever we have to, but no one will do it like Noel. I promise you. I need Noel to help take care of you so I can go back and help your dad. I don't trust anyone else! Period! Your dad says he's doing fine, but he's not. You know that."

She wanted to say that Noel could bring him home where they could all care for him, but he would never leave Zoey. Saying it would just make him angry.

"Damn, Mom. Never in my wildest dreams could I ever have imagined a scenario like this. But you've worn me out. I can't think about it any more. I have to sleep."

"I understand. I love you, son. Please try to understand and consider what I've said."

"But I have Zoey."

"Yes, you do, and it's clear she loves you and you love her. But she's an EMT, not an ortho/spine nurse who's used to working with folks who need rehab." And she wanted to add that there was a world of difference between those two women. "I'll see you later. I love you. And your dad and I will support any decision you make, you know that. Just let me know."

As Maggie walked through the drapes, Ariel snagged her and shut the doors. "Nicely done, Maggie. Sorry I listened in to some of it. I was afraid I was going to have to call security and have him escorted out." She laughed. "But what do you think he's going to do?"

"Mull it over for a couple of days, weigh the pros and cons. Then see how things are going with Zoey, I'm sure you've noticed how she's starting to pull away. And finally 'interview' Noel, give her both barrels and say alright."

"Oh, Maggie, you're a scary kind of mom. And Noel?"

"You've spent time with her, you know her. That girl can handle anything. She'll let him rant and rave until he finally wears himself out and says okay."

"I am so glad you weren't my mom. I'd have been grounded my entire life!" They both hugged and laughed. "So what are you going to tell Noel?"

"Not completely sure, but first I have to make sure she's willing to take six months or longer off work."

"You can see by the way she looks at that son of yours that she'll do anything for him, whether he ever loves her or not. Poor girl. And you know she feels the same way about you."

But Jonah didn't agree to talk to Noel. Didn't even want her name mentioned. The next day he was moved to a step down unit and a week went by. He was starting to take some food by mouth, but he still had trouble swallowing. He got rid of his condom catheter and he could be put on a bed pan, but not much movement. He was in the plateau phase. A phase where things improved some, but not a lot. A time of frustration and anger because it could last a month or so.

He perked up whenever Zoey came in. She came before school and after, then just after, then had days long outings. She kissed and hugged him, but they didn't laugh much together. A strain was developing. Maggie saw it all. She was there all day every day. Not always in his room, but close by, just in case.

Noel picked her up at Zoey's in the morning, went with her to the hospital to find out what was going on and talked with her during the day to keep Maggie from worrying too much. In the evening, after Maggie went in and said goodnight to him, they would get something to eat and then Noel would drop her back off at Zoey's.. She'd then return to the hospital, park in the back of the lot, work on her courses and sleep in her car. No one knew she did that. Maggie thought she was in a hotel somewhere.

As Ariel pulled into the lot one day she saw Noel emerge from a car with steamed up windows, fluffing her hair and tucking in her shirt. She pulled in next to her and jumped out. "Noel! How the heck have you been? I've missed seeing you and all your help." They shared a warm friendly hug.

"Oh, doing fine. Keeping Cody under control?"

"You're kidding right? No way. So what about Jonah?"

"Plateau. Not much change. He still hasn't agreed to see me so we're kind of in a holding pattern."

"What? His mother was wrong? Crap. Wait! Wait just a second! You've been sleeping in your car! You've been sleeping in your car for three weeks?"

Noel looked down and nodded. "But it's okay. Really. I'm used to it. I slept in my car for six months when I started school until I had enough money for an apartment. I joined the fitness club, you know, '$10 a month for the first six months!' So I take showers there, use the laundromat down the street, I'm on my way into the hospital to brush my teeth and stuff. No problems. Here, I'll walk in with you."

"What's Maggie say?"

"She doesn't know, didn't know during nursing school. She'd flip out and she's barely making it through Zoey. Between Zoey's anxiousness and Jonah's frustration she's kind of frazzled, wearing out. She likes it calm and orderly and it's not."

"Maggie was wrong? Can't believe it."

"Yeah, well. She can't be right all the time. But Maggie's going to have to go soon. They own a busy bakery and no way can Henry do it himself. I offered to go back and help, but she wants me to stay here." She shrugged. "So, I'm in limbo."

"Well, one thing's for sure. You ain't sleeping in your car anymore. Here's my address. In fact, here's my key. Get a copy made, I don't think I have a spare. Bad, right? I'll be there by 7:30 and get you settled in. Make yourself at home."

"Ariel, no. You don't have to..."

"Don't be an ass. I'd love having you as a roomie. And we'll figure out what to do on my days off. Either the two of us or the three of us. Do you think Maggie can ride a horse?"

They laughed and bumped shoulders.

"I can see it all now..." And they laughed some more.

Zoey returned after three days in the field, a grim look on her face. She stared at him. Looked at his lack of motion, feeding tube, trach and started to tremble. She never acknowledged Maggie sitting off to the side.

"Hey, Zo, great to see you. How was your outing? Give me a kiss and tell me all about it. Oh, I get transferred to a resort tomorrow."

"Resort?

"Yup, a five star, maybe, nursing home until I can do three hours worth of therapy a day at which time I'll go to a rehab place. I'm taking the next step in recovery. Zoey? Making progress...Are you alright?"

She stood still and stared at him. Her face got red and tears formed. She started trembling, collapsing, shrinking.

"I can't! Jonah, I just can't...I just can't do this anymore. It just rips me to shreds every time I look at you and now you're going to a nursing home? Like a stroke person or something? I...I"

She stood back. "I want to be strong, I've tried to be strong, but I can't! Not anymore. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm in a brain fog all the time and ready to jump every time I hear a noise. I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! I'm sorry. So, so sorry. But I just can't. If we knew it was going to be a week or a month, if there was an end point, I might be able to do it. But it's so open ended and we don't know what life will be like at the end...I JUST CAN'T DO IT!"

Taking a breath, "I love you. I love you more than any man I've ever met, but I have to give you back your ring. I need some space. A time to clear my head and pull myself back together. Maybe if everything turns out okay?" She sobbed. "But I just can't watch this day after day after day and wonder what our lives are going to be like."

"Zoey, please..."

"I can't, Jonah. I'm not strong enough. I needed you to be the strong one." She stroked his face, kissed him, put her ring on the bedside table and ran out.

There was silence. Silence for a full minute. A minute that seemed like an hour. Maggie stirred, "Oh, son, I'm so sorry. I know how much you loved her. Maybe..."

"Just go, Mom. Please! Just go. And shut the curtains, please. I, well, I just need some time. And take the ring. Take it since I can't even move my fucking arm to get it."

Maggie closed the curtains, shut off the light and closed the door. She located his nurse and told her the news, just so she knew, then walked to the waiting room. Noel saw the look on her face and jumped up. "Mrs. B, are you okay? What's happened? What went wrong?"

"Zoey just broke off the engagement and gave him back his ring."

"Oh, dear God. That's awful. What are we going to do? And we have to get you a place to stay. I'm assuming you won't stay with Zoey."

"No, but I need to check on her. She's broken too. I think she's really become aware of her limitations. This is hard for her. Why don't we go now, if that's alright, but you stay in the car?"

"Good idea."

They drove the short distance to the apartment that Zoey and Jonah shared, and Maggie walked to the door and knocked. No answer. She knocked again and Zoey slowly opened the door. "Maggie? What the heck do you want, Maggie?"

"I wanted to check and see how you were doing."

"Why? Why would you do that? I just broke your son's heart."

"Yes. Yes you did. But you broke yours too. I could see how much you loved him and how hard it was on you." Without asking, she moved through the door and embraced Zoey.

"Oh, Maggie," sobbing onto her shoulder, "It just hurts so bad! I don't know what I'll do without him, but it was worse looking at him and wondering. Wondering what he'll be like. What our lives would be like. How many of our dreams would just disappear.

"But he can't even move his arms! I'm a wreck, falling apart. And maybe doing it for a year? I wouldn't make another couple of weeks. I'm sorry, Maggie. I know you must hate me and think I'm the weakest person on the planet, but..."

"No, no, dear. This is a terrible situation. Devastating for anyone. I saw the pain it caused you every time you entered his room, how you sat around at home here grieving. You haven't laughed or even smiled for three weeks or so. So is there anything at all I can do to help?"

"No. It would be best if you and that Noel just left. I know my pain makes you very happy. Turned out just the way you planned it, didn't it?"

"Zoey, no way. None of that is true. My son loved you and that's good enough for me. Please, let me help you if I can."

"Just go."

'"Sure, dear. Let me just gather my stuff and I'll be gone, but please, please let me know if I can do anything, anything at all to help." Zoey did not respond.

Maggie carried her bag to the car. Her heart ached for her son, but she felt like clicking her heels and celebrating that Zoey had called it off. She was 100% wrong for her son and now Noel had a chance. The girl that was 100% right for him. Noel got out and put the bag in the trunk.