by Frederick Carol
Your dialogue is stilted and wooden. Is this a a Royal Tea or a group fuck? There isn’t a teenager in ANY English speaking nation that uses the word “shall” with any regularity.
On the passion scale of 1 - 10 you score a -3. I imagine there are bridge games with more verve and lust. The sex is, at best, transactional, with no shared emotion. They’re merely mutually masturbating.
I believe your skills would be better served in writing appliance manuals.
Good story, would love to see a group orgy get organized once all the moms have been thoroughly rogered once