by Galloglaich
Good stuff mate I find myself looking for this storry when ever I get on this site.
and i really mean that because theres so much crap on this site and most of it is recycled crap that this story is like a gust of fresh air. on the technical side, everything seemed fine and the plot seems pretty cool although i would like the chapters to be a little longer because im digging the story.
So Jack is most likely transforming, but the question is into what and why? After all, he had only been with the succubus once a few days before the blood vomiting incident. Which, by the way, brought back bad memories of a recent nasal septum surgery I had. ^_^
To Galloglaich,
your story is nice to read, and i'm enjoying the angle you have taken with the main character being a 19yr old still in school. You though i think would do better to increase the length of each chapter. Or if you have the time, and energy double the amount of chapters you make perday. This insures to pleople its worth reading. Ask around from other authors what they think as well. Look for peer review :). I would like to see more information on Elassa though. You have left her backstory with almost nothing. How was she created, did she have relations with other demon's? Will you be adding in more supernatural creatures? Will you have Elassa's Demoness friend become involved? (This was mentioned in chapter1). Also could you develop the relationship between Jack, and Elassa more? Could she become as a wife to jack eventually? How will her pressence affect jacks friendships? How will Sam take Elassa if ever told she is a demoness? I have not found many stories with a detailed plot, and world involving a human and succubus. The author usually just peters out...If your only writting this to experiment please dont put too much into it. Nothing worse then a good story, and the author decides to suddenly stop. Well thanks for your efforts they have been appreciated.
There is very good portrayal of character here and I love how the story flows.
Looking forward to reading the rest! Thank you !
Looking forward to the rest of it.