Cougar Training 101

Demi Moore did it...with style. Madonna is doing it. Hell, even one of the popular new television shows of the year is all about it. Cougars. Older women with younger men. This once almost unheard of and scandalous phenomenon has now become a popular trend. But why? Is it just a fad or the next step in women's liberation?

The first question is why? Alright, so we can see what a mature woman sees in a hot, young body. Flat abs, tight bottoms and most of all stamina that matches a woman in her sexual prime...without the need for expensive little blue pills. But what the heck would a young stud see in a woman my age (almost forty-five...for the record)? No matter how hard we try, we are on the losing end of the battle with father time. Gravity is starting to make things sag. And god forbid if you have had a baby or two...or six.

Of course, for centuries, we have watched as old men paired off with girls ridiculously younger than themselves. We might have snickered behind their backs or fumed at the injustice, but it was obvious what each saw in the other. He wanted a trophy wife to make him feel young again and she wanted his money and prestige. If you are going to play this particular game, then you must accept that there can be more than element of the same in cougar relationships as well. More than one young man is attracted to older women for the financial stability that she can provide while he is in college. And the feminist in me says 'Amen' to that. But obviously, if you look at successful long-term relationships such as Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, there must be more to it than just money. These days theirs is at least a pairing of equals, if not the traditional man making more than the woman.

The reverse is also used as an argument; younger men lack the maturity and stability that a mature woman seeks as she grows older. That has always struck at the center of my own concerns on the matter. I had an intriguing conversation the other day with a fan of my mature stories such as Muffin MILF and New Beginnings. His comment rang true with me; he said that these days young men had to grow up quickly. But if you think about other cultures and other historical periods, early twenties is the time when most young men settled down. Why should we assume based on perhaps half a century of modern Western psychology that all young men are incapable of lasting commitment?

So what besides money and stability attracts younger men to older women? Spend sometime talking to your adult children about their relationships and you soon discover. Young adults today for all the decades of sexual revolution are still caught in the traditional mind games of young love; he likes her, but she likes someone else or worse yet they like each other but lack the confidence to make a move. Older women are for the most part finished with those games. If we want something, we go for it...simple as that.

Like wise, we are more likely to be sexually adventurous. There is a very strong argument that the sex drives of younger men are more in sync with women over thirty-five. Even as a young woman I never understood the evolutionary mechanism by which men peaked in their late teens or early twenties, but women did not reach their sexual peak until thirty-five or later. It just does not logically make sense. So from an evolutionary prospective this latest trend might prove to be advance in human sexual development.

Of course, for millennia there was a biological prohibition for older women choosing younger mates...procreation. Men could continue to procreate well into their sixties or even older, but women were enslaved to a biological clock. Modern science, of course, has shown that male reproductive prowess is not limitless. Men too have a biological clock that though not absolute is closely synced with women's. But more importantly science has enabled women to put their biological clocks on snooze control. Although not common, there are several stories of women in their sixties and even seventies giving birth to healthy children thanks to donated eggs and in vitro fertilization. So, if you have an open mind or a love of children that is no longer a sound argument for dismissing a young suitor.

Unfortunately, for many of us the biggest impediment to the possibility of fulfilling sexual and emotional happiness that we might find with a younger lover is ourselves. Although we may reason what will people think or what will my children say or how it might affect us professionally, the real truth lies deeper still. Those are just exterior questions that hit at the heart of the matter...we fear ourselves. We have bought into traditional views of sexuality and womanhood that have long since outlived their usefulness.

So is this just a temporary fad or the next step in women's liberation and human evolution? I tend to think the latter. Of course, as with any evolutionary advance it will not happen overnight. The pity is that until it does many women will miss out on possible happiness because they lack the self-assurance to take the risk on pursing a relationship with a younger man. Will you be one of them?

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