All Comments on 'Daughter's New Job Pt. 02'
by MichaelsD82
- 12 Comments
I loved reading your story
I couldn't keep count of the mistakes, both grammatical and spelling. Needed an editor. I liked the story, and the execution, for the most part, but story could have been extended rather than seeming to end so fast.
Now the fuck ups in word usage are probably due to spell check. Before I retired my secretary disabled spell check on my computer saying it was easier to proof read without the autocorrect feature fucking up the written material. She was spot on.
Was an enjoyable read nonetheless.
sTars
wow - love this story. 5 stars. Anyway you'd think about adding another chapter? you know, 2-3 years later after the epilogue? a catch up with the family? the characters are really terrific. i hate to see it end. ENCORE!!
It's a good story. You avoid a lot of the mistakes that others make writing on Literotica, but do make two that I see over and over, and both have to do with character dialog.
1. You use names or pronouns far too often. When most people are having a conversation, they don't start each line with "mom," "sis," "bro" etc. Think about it. Let's say your boss' name is Tom. When Tom asks you for the report, you (normally) wouldn't say, "Yes, Tom, I have your report right here." You would simply say, "I've got it right here." If you walk into HR, you might start by saying, "Hey, Sally, got a minute?" She would then say, "Sure." or, "No, I have a meeting in 5 minutes." There's no need - and most people wouldn't - for her to use your name. So she would not say, "Gee, Bob, I've a meeting in 5 minutes." Most humans are very frugal in speech - we say as little as possible, we use contractions whenever we can, we take shortcuts in our speech. When you're exerting yourself, as during sex, that's applies more so. Sometimes, less is more.
2. Contractions in dialog. When you write people talking to other people, use contractions. I've for I have. You've for you have. In real life, you say, "I've got a meeting." "I'll make you a deal" not "I will make you a deal." "Oh really, what's that" not "Oh really, what is that"? If you don't (not 'do not') use contractions, your characters sound stiff and robotic.
These are all easy fixes. I have stopped reading works that had potential but kept using the wrong they're-there-their or the wrong your-you're. If you can't get the basics write (I did that one on purpose) then I can't follow along. Fortunately, you don't make these. At least, none that stood out - which usually means if you did, it was only once or twice.
You can improve your dialog a whole lot sitting in Starbucks and listening to people converse. Write down what they say - exactly. Listen for when and how they use names and contractions. This will take your writing to the next level!
Loved both parts of this story. Great character development and plot. Would love to hear more about mother and daughter at the photo shoot and how that played out. First I've read of this author but I plan to keep going and see what else there is here.
I typically don’t respond publicly to comments left in this section. After reading a comment left by BeauReady on 7/30/2020, I’ve decided to make an exception
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BeauReady has every right to leave Feedback, but I’ll never understand why people like him/her spend time reading stories containing content they obviously don’t find either sexually stimulating or interesting for some other reason.
Each author has his/her own motivations for writing and I’m no different. When it comes to Incest, some people have very strong feelings toward stories involving this taboo subject. Incest is a crime in most states, however there actually are exceptions in two states, and two others it is not a crime given certain circumstances. This is not to say I agree with these exceptions.
Incest laws protect those under the age of consent and as BeauReady pointed out there is serious rationale when it comes to prohibiting this activity. Please don’t believe erotica, written by me, involving incest or any other illegal activity is meant to condone or even justify such activity. My stories are meant for fantasies. If a reader has difficulty mentally grasping the difference between reality and fantasy, it is my belief they should entirely refrain from reading any sort of erotica.
I write stories for my own pleasure. They are written with the intent they are to be read ONLY by adults possessing the ability to separate fantasy from reality. It is apparent from the comments left by BeauReady this person DID read the story even though he/she found it to be vile and disgusting.
There are erotica topics I personally don’t find to be my cup of tea. When I accidentally stumble upon one I don’t like, I simply move on to some other story that does contain a topic of interest.
For those readers who enjoyed the series Finding Dates for My Wife, it was for your reading (as well as other) enjoyment I wrote this series. As one reader commented the story is totally unrealistic, but that didn’t stop the reader from enjoying the story.
Unless otherwise specifically stated, NONE of my stories are to be taken as an account of an actual event or series of events. Unless otherwise specifically stated, NONE of the activities mentioned are activities the author engages in or condones. There are people who are into Cuckolding, Wife Sharing, Swinging, Exhibitionism, etc. but the stories you will find under this author’s name are FICTIONAL stories written only for your enjoyment.
It is my sincere hope one of your hands is busy scrolling through the story while the other hand is occupied bringing other forms of enjoyment. The biggest compliment for me are your complaints regarding being sore. 😊
All comments posted publicly, or sent to me privately, are appreciated. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. Actual CONSTRUCTIVE criticism helps me to improve my writing skills.
Thank you to all you who leave comments letting me know my time spent writing stories for your enjoyment are appreciated.
Fantastic chapter. Sorry that this is over - it would have been nice to see it continue. But, you wrapped it up nicely!
I loved this stoty. The premise is exciting to me. I only have two nigglies, I am so tired of massive unrealistic cocks. I haven't counted but recently I would guess 90%+ of the main male characters are at least 10" or more. Most porn stars don't come close to that. I have read that the average is between 6"-7", so for these stories an 8"-9" is average porn star. A 12" is ludicrous. For this story I think an outside female friend addition would have been a nice addition. I feel this way because one of the females in this story is the wife of one of the males which, in my opinion, suggests a pairing that outside the rest of the grouping. But otherwise one of my most favorite stories I have read on this subject group. I did not look at the spelling or grammar as I usually do since since I listened not read the story.