All Comments on 'Dean's Delight'

Although it's a very hot story whose next part I can hardly wait to read, I would suggest you to use a dictionary more often. Several expressions were so terribly wrong that it hurts...

But nevertheless: go on fast !

The story itself was great, as wank-off material goes- it definitely got the better of my own libido. The scenes were racy and exciting and included just about every fantasy I've ever imagined.

The only real problem is the spelling, sentence structure, grammatical errors throughout and technical use of language in general. We're talking VERY poor quality as far as those things go- elementary school-level. Get a dictionary, a thesaurus and a spell checker.

I would HIGHLY suggest that you get someone to edit your work before posting it- at the very least, run the text through a spell-checker. If the technical aspects of the writing had been better, I would've copied it word-for-word so that I could relive it over and over and over again. Like I said- it's got everything I could possibly want from an erotic fantasy story, but the aggregious grammatical errors ruined it.

An "A" for effort, but drastically reduced to a "D" for form. Sorry to be so harsh, but if you're an honest-to-god writer, you'll get more mileage from honesty than you would from ego-stroking.

Very hot and intense, A+ for content. Looking forward to reading future parts. The mistakes are forgivable, however take the others advise and check your stories over before publishing, if you care about that sort of thing. Otherwise keep em cumming...

It appears that there should be a chapter two to the story now that "Mom" is involved. And if she is, how long will Dean last before they need to start dosing him with vitamins? :D

Awesome story, I just wished that mom would have taken it a

little further in the first chapter. Chapter two maybe?

Next time try to get your spelling a little better. But all in all a pretty good story.

I must say your writing is getting better. I have only one thing to say about it no conplain just a few more chapters I would like to know more of what happenes in their lives. Keep up the good work.

Gets deep into the action too fast. I for one would have preferred long slow buildups to thew sex, extensive foreplay going step by step, hot it felt to her, how it felt to him, a little reticense on one or the other party's part before jumping in.

This story was naughty and forbidden, made it so erotic and sexy. I was turned on so many times, my boyfriend and I had sex several times when he got off work, it was amazing. Good writing skills!!!!! AWESOME!! Cannot wait to read the other chapters!!!

TOTALY UNREALISTIC ANY GUY THAT HAD TO PUT UP WITH SISTERS LIKE THAT WOULD MAKE SURE HE HAD A LOCK ON HIS BED ROOM DOOR AND KEEP IT LOCKED ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN HE WASN'T IN THERE KEEP IT REALISTIC SOUNDING

Your plot is pretty good, but you need an editor until you learn grammar, word usage, punctuation, and the other things you should have learned in freshman English class. Keep writing, but get an editor to help you make the stories readable.

Needs to go some place very private, and fuck himself smart( he/or she, has already started from a position of complete stupid). You want to critique this guy then give us your credentials, and a real name to go with it. Carry on Brit, and just ignore all these anonymous brave hearts. A really good, trustworthy editor wouldn't be a bad move for your writing career, though...

three major goofs in the first seven paragraphs

1) she just walked in his door WHAT NO LOCKS ANY BODY WITH A SISTER LIKE HER WOULD HAVE A LOCK ON THE DOOR

2)there is no such thing as a DDD bra it is either a DD or an E do some research before writing

3) who eats dinner in thier bed room the kitchen, dining room or living room yes but not too often the bed room

this really needs a rewrite and a good editor

DBRS

So far not a bad story. I would have gotten an editor to correct spelling and grammar issues. For me, being a grammar buff, there is nothing worse than reading a story and then have it fucked up due to wrong grammar and improper spelling.

I did feel that the ending was a bit forced and hurried. I know this site has the story at 4 pages and in a word processor this might have been pushing a page and a half, but still....

I have not read the other chapters yet, but going on just this story, I would take this and put it into a word processor just for the spelling errors alone. If you do not have an editor, I am sure someone would be more than happy to help, just go to the forums and ask.

Good luck.

Delivered papers, went to school, came home from school for lunch, went to school again, came home, fucked my sister, deflorated my other sister, got sucked by mom.

Could be a site from Dean's diary. He doesn't seem to think anything about fucking blood relatives as if it's perfectly natural. Besides from being unrealistic, that takes away what is (imo) the most erotic point about incest: The questions "Is it right? What if we get caught? We shouldn't do that!" and so on. Same goes for the girls.

would have been so much more enjoyable if you had proofread and correcte the spelling and grammar

If only your spelling and grammar were up to your storytelling abilities.

You have so many problems with mechanics, it's impoisible to know where to start. Spelling, wrong words (e.g.--"defiantly" should be "definitely"; wish I knew how often I've seen that), omitted words, comma splices, run-on sentences, and other punctuation problems run rampant throughout the story and are a very serious distraction.

That said, your actual storytelling is exceptional. You show incredible use of imagery, and the pacing is nearly perfect. The story itself is hot enough to overcome much of the mechanical disaster. If the mechanics were as good as the content, it would be an obvious five. As it is, I'm tempted to give it a three. I really want to say 3 1/2, but since I can't I give it a four. Clean this up and repost. It's good enough to go to the trouble so it can be enjoyed to its fullest. Also, now that Mom has joined in the fun, I hope there's a sequel so that she can fully share in the experience.

Your storyline was free flowing & enjoyable. However, far too many spelling, grammatical & Phrasing mistakes made a good story extremely hard to understand. I would have expected the use of the language to come from a redneck yank rather than a resident of England

The story was ok, lots of spelling/phrase errors though... Gotta say personally though, all the monster titties are a turn-off :/

The exaggerated bodies and cliched plot of this story are pretty amusing. Not bad.

Oversized breasts a turn off for me but I appreciate the volume of your work.I hate short stories as bad as big nasty looking cow breasts.

lucky sissy shaves her cunt because dean likes little kids pussy's. also dean had a big dick, just think if he only had a 4 incher little sis would still be a virgin. WOW what a crock of shit! our little author needs to actually see a virgin pussy.

Lindsay smiled as she heard the scream, she knew it was her sister and she defiantly knew that scream. If you had taken a few seconds to re-read what you had typed, you'd know this sentence made absolutely NO sense. You are simply too lazy to be believed.

You DEFINITELY need someone to proof read your stories and while you are at it, you should go purchase a dictionary and look up how to spell words. The story would have been much better if it made sense and wasn't so difficult to read with all of the spelling and grammar mistakes.

Even your name is spelled wrong. It's nemesis not nemasis. Idiot..

Why do your women have to be so top heavy. Seems gross to have all that flopping around. A tight average body is so much more appealing. It is like you don’t Have much to offer here so make the girls look like Morgana

Good story but as per before, learn to spell & get the "his" & "her" in the right place. Sure makes it confusing when Lindsey say's something & get's written as "he" said......