From Darker Places than I Want to Feel Ch. 04

I'm sure you have noticed if you've been following this story from previous chapters, that the plot structure isn't typical. There's a Latin term for this that comes close, "In Medias Res". Which means in the middle of things. While it's not completely accurate, it's the closest I could come to explaining that the story which begins during their last official meeting, (Chapter One), moves to the beginning and end of the story through flashbacks.

Because it's not linear I ask that you try not to force it that way and instead allow it to unfold as it is to understand why in the "now", things are often dictated by the "past".

I first posted this story on Literotica in 2013. As always, characters in this account involved in sexual activity are above the age of eighteen) and those of you under the age of consent are discouraged from reading this story due to adult language, situations, and content.

This story is more a romance than a roll in the hay. If you're looking for a flash in the pants, look elsewhere. If you're looking for interesting characters, challenged by difficult situations, then read on.

Thanks for reading, Check out my bio page for more details about my work and me. Don't forget to leave a comment when you're finished, feedback is the lifeblood of any writer.

So now, enjoy From Darker Places than I Want To Feel - chapter 4.

The Glass Menagerie.

=ONE=

Ryan scanned through the pages of notes he'd made from his conversations with Sarah. He smiled at some of her comments. She was so delightfully sarcastic. It reminded him of the time he called her two months ago to negotiate an extension on their meeting agreement.

He remembered scrolling down the address book in his cell phone until he found her number. He pushed send and waited for her to pick up.

"Hi Sarah, are you busy?"

"Nope, what's up?"

"Well, I was hoping to add those extra meetings with you that I bargained for last month."

She started to get coy. He could hear the playfulness in her voice.

"I don't know, you've been asking some pretty lame questions lately. I'm not sure it's worth my time."

"Oh? What would it take to make it worth your while?"

"I don't know...maybe shopping? I could use a new pair of shoes."

Ryan chuckled. "Okay, sounds fine. Your birthday is coming up so you can help me pick out your present."

"How did you know when it's my birthday?"

"I asked Anna."

"That traitor, what else did she tell you?"

"Not much, just that you don't like broccoli, you hate the color chartreuse, and you're partial to stuffed bears."

Sarah laughed. "She's giving away all my secrets, and I do like broccoli, only raw."

"Okay, then as long as I take you shoe shopping we can have three more meetings?"

Sarah continued to act coy. "Okay, I suppose, but you're going to take me someplace nice, not Wal-Mart!"

"Ha! Agreed." Ryan laughed at her candor. "Hey, can we delay things this Saturday till later in the afternoon, say around four?"

"Sure, why?"

"My grandma has to move into an assisted living facility and I promised her that I'd help her move in the morning."

"Can I help too? I'd love to meet your grandma."

"Okay, though I have to warn you, she's a feisty one. But I think you'll like her."

Elizabeth Denton was not at all what Sarah expected. She was rather diminutive, standing a good head shorter than Ryan with wispy white hair in tight curls framing a gentle face with a sparkle in her eyes. If it wasn't for the walker that seemed to tie her down, she would have been hard to keep up with - she had so much energy.

"It's nice to meet you Sarah; Ryan tells me that you are helping him with his research?"

Sarah winked at Elizabeth. "A little yes, but you know academics, you can only tell them so much before they get overwhelmed."

Elizabeth laughed and shook her head.

Ryan smiled as he picked up a stack of empty boxes and moved towards the kitchen. "I forgot to mention that Grandma taught history at Penn State University until she retired several years ago." He grinned at his grandmother and then scooted into the kitchen out of pillow throwing range as three throw pillows landed against the kitchen doorframe.

Elizabeth chuckled and pushed her walker towards the hallway. "Don't worry about it Sarah, there's more truth in what you said than you know. Come on dear; help me pack up my linen stuff to send to Goodwill."

Sarah disappeared down the hallway behind Elizabeth while Ryan tackled the kitchen. An hour later he heard the two of them laughing in the back bedroom. "What's going on in here? I thought you two were packing."

Sarah grinned as she flipped another page of Elizabeth's scrapbook. "We were until Elizabeth found this. Oh look, Ryan was so cute when he was a toddler." She held up the book so that Ryan could see a small boy riding a tricycle along a sidewalk. Another young girl was giving him a push while two adults sat nearby on a park bench laughing. "Who's the little girl?"

"That's Karen, my sister. She's supposed to be here today but as usual, she's running late."

"Ooh, who's the boy in the sailor suit?"

"That's Ryan on his third birthday."

"You were very adorable when you were young."

Ryan snorted as he turned to leave his grandmother's bedroom. "Not so much now, huh?"

"You're still adorable, just in different ways." Sarah giggled.

Elizabeth laughed. "I haven't seen him that flustered in years, keep it up."

Ryan's sister Karen arrived shortly after that. She burst into the apartment with a flurry of shopping bags, flattened boxes, and a large floppy hat.

Ryan poked his head out from the kitchen. "Your late, Sis."

"Sorry, traffic this morning was a nightmare. And I had to wait until Inez, my house keeper could arrive."

Ryan introduced Sarah to Karen before she went to help her grandmother in the bedroom. At first Karen seemed open and happy to have Sarah's help, but then something seemed odd and she became standoffish. Sarah decided that the cool temperature in the bedroom wasn't to her liking so she left to help Ryan in the kitchen.

While Karen was packing her grandmother's linens she said something snide about boys pretending to be girls to Elizabeth.

Ryan had just walked into the bedroom to ask his grandmother where she wanted him to stack the kitchen stuff to be sent to Goodwill when he overheard his sister's comment. Sarah had followed right behind him; her face was flush with crimson. But before he could come to her defense Elizabeth stepped in and admonished her granddaughter.

"I can't believe that a granddaughter of mine would utter such rubbish."

"Grandma!"

Ryan and Sarah moved out of the room and stood silently in the living room.

"Don't Grandma me!" Elizabeth left her bedroom and moved her walker down the hallway and into the kitchen. "Come into the kitchen Karen, I want to have a word with you." Karen reluctantly followed her as Ryan and Sarah returned to the bedroom to move some of the furniture to the moving van.

"That girl has given your brother a reason to be happy young lady; he hasn't been like this since Teresa got sick. Are you so selfish that you want to deny him the joy of companionship?"

"But she's really a man dressed like a woman!"

"Oh Karen, I can't believe you! What's the difference between you two? A vagina? Pooh, surgery can fix that. Breasts? That too. Perhaps you're arguing the ability to give birth? Yes, that's true, but don't you think Sarah, who sees herself as much a woman as you do, is painfully aware of that too? Besides, there are thousands of women across this country who, for one reason or another, are barren. So what does that prove?"

"I didn't think any of that! I just..."

Elizabeth pushed her walker around the kitchen counter and sat down. "Dammit Karen, don't be so small minded. The world is changing and you have to change with it or be left behind. Girls like Sarah have always been with us; we just ignored them in the past and got away with it, by wrapping ourselves in religious dogma and fear. Well, that was then. Now they have stepped up to the table and they want their fair share. So either move over or move out."

Karen stood apoplectic, her mouth opening and closing yet nothing came out. Elizabeth, red faced and out of breath, shook her head and sighed.

Ryan helped Sarah move an empty dresser down the hallway. "Grandma we're just taking this chest to the truck, back in a minute."

Elizabeth smiled and nodded to Ryan as he passed the kitchen door, then she turned to her granddaughter.

"I'm sorry Karen that was harsh. I like Sarah and I think she's really good for Ryan, even though he doesn't completely recognize it yet, I think she'll be a big part of his life from now on. And I don't want that ruined because the people around him are unwilling to give them a chance. He's had so much sorrow in his life lately and Sarah's a little ray of sunshine."

"He's twice her age Grandma, what happens when she gets tired of him and moves on?"

"You mean like what happened with you and Bob?"

Karen started to cry.

Elizabeth held her arms open with tears in her eyes. "Come here my sweet child." Karen pulled a kitchen chair over, sat down, and wrapped her arms around her grandmother. "I'm sorry. Bob was an asshole, Sarah is not. You deserved a lot better and so does your brother."

"I know he does, I just don't want him to have to go through that pain again."

"He knows that and he loves you for it." Elizabeth held her granddaughter tightly in her arms. "Take the time to get to know her, Karen. I think you'll find her to be a remarkable person. Okay?"

"Okay, I'll try."

The rest of the packing went quietly; Sarah made an effort not to be near Karen for the rest of the afternoon, which made things awkward between Ryan and his sister as well.

Elizabeth just shook her head and sighed as she watched her grandchildren walk as if they were stepping on broken glass. "Baby steps I guess."

After they left Elizabeth's apartment, Ryan turned into the parking lot at the Shoe Boutique on 39th street. "I did some research on the Internet and this place seemed to have the best shoe selection for the price. Have you ever been here before?"

"Are you kidding me? This place is fantastic. Every girl in town goes here if they can afford it."

"Well, you said you wanted a birthday present."

Sarah grabbed him into a big hug and kissed him on the cheek ending with a big smack. "Come on, let's go!" She scrambled out of his car and raced across the parking lot. She stood at the entry door with a big grin waiting for Ryan to catch up. She almost bounced up and down looking like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Okay, I'm coming. You get to choose one pair, but the price has to be reasonable, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, come on."

Ryan stood at the end of one aisle grinning at her excitement. "So, what are you looking for? Running shoes? Ballet flats? Some beach sandals?"

"You are kidding me, right? Running shoes? I'm going for stilettos, the highest, sexiest, most scandalous I can find." She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the aisle with high heels. "Help me find some to pick from."

"What's your shoe size?"

"Well, that's where I'm lucky, or blessed, however you want to put it. My feet and hands are small for my size. I wear a women's size ten or eleven, depending on the way it's cut and fitted. Ooh, God, would you look at these. They simply scream 'fuck-me'." She pulled out a pair of red pumps with an ankle strap and a dainty bow on the vamp. The heels were easily five inches and they narrowed down to a spike.

Ryan looked at her incredulously. "Can you even walk in those?"

She slipped off her tennis shoes and sprinted over to a bench nearby. "I guess we're going to find out." She slipped on one shoe and adjusted the strap then slipped on the other and did the same. "The leather is so supple, they feel luxurious." She stood up slowly and took a few steps towards Ryan. Then she turned around and, swaying her hips provocatively, she sashayed down the aisle.

"Yeah, you're right, they do scream 'fuck-me'." Then he glanced down at the price and gulped.

"What? Are they too expensive?"

He handed her the shoebox.

"Oh, yeah. Two hundred and fifty bucks is a lot for a pair of shoes you only wear in the bedroom."

Ryan blanched a bit then cleared his throat. "Not if they are the shoes you really want."

Sarah came close to him and whispered in his ear. "Thank you, Ryan." She sat down and slipped the shoes off her feet and put them back in the shoebox. "But not today. Let's keep looking."

They continued down the aisle, Sarah pulled out one pair after another, each of them as sexy as the other. She looked like a girl picking out her first pair of heels, it made Ryan just beam with joy. Eventually they walked back to the clearance rack near the back of the store. A sales clerk, her nametag read "Sally", met them near the first rack of clearance shoes.

"Hi, if there's something I can help you with please don't hesitate to ask. The rosa-blanca.ru on the clearance shoes are marked with the discounted price so you don't have to guess."

Sarah smiled and pulled out a pair of six-inch stilettos. "Thank you, we will." She sat down on a nearby bench and slipped them on. "These are even higher than the red pair." She stood up slowly and grabbed Ryan's arm for balance.

He held her hand to lend her balance. "Now those are skyscraper tall."

"Yeah, they are." She giggled as she held onto his arm. "But now I'm taller than you." She took a few tentative steps then reached back for Ryan's steady arm. "Maybe I'm better off in five inch heels." She slipped them off and searched for another pair.

Finally, she found a pair on the top row in the back of the rack. They were simple black stilettos with a lace vamp and peek-a-boo toe. She slipped them on and they fit like they were made for her. "God, I love high heels, they make me feel so powerful, so gloriously sexual." She turned and strutted towards Ryan provocatively. "When I wear heels like these I feel like all men should bow before me, their sexual goddess." Her eyes were dazzling bright and to Ryan she did look like a goddess, even wearing jean shorts and a New York Yankee's baseball jersey.

"You certainly look like a sexual goddess, Sarah, and I'd love to bow down, but if I do, I'll spill the shoes in all these boxes." He stood there holding half a dozen shoeboxes filled with her potential choices.

"You can put those down Ryan; I think I've found my present."

"Happy Birthday."

"Thank you, you have great taste." She winked as she picked up her tennis shoes off the bench and walked towards the checkout counter.

Ryan drove towards her apartment to take her home. Suddenly he turned to the left and pulled into a small, secluded drive that wound around several huge old oak trees leading towards an old castle-looking building.

Sarah laughed at his impulsiveness. "Where are we going?"

"There's a museum here with beautiful grounds that overlook a pretty lake. I thought we might stop here and have our fourth meeting, is that okay?"

"Sure."

"It''s so hidden away that if you didn't know it was here you'd miss it." He rounded a corner and pulled into a small parking area. Up ahead an incredibly large house stood proudly amongst the ancient live oaks that surrounded it. Nestled between the trees were smaller out buildings connected together by a series of gates and arched stonewalls. All in all, it looked like something out of a picture book of ancient European country homes.

"What is this place?"

"This is Hampton House. It's a nineteenth century folly."

"A what?"

"A folly. It's what wealthy people built in the nineteenth century when they had way too much money and wanted to display it in an ostentatious way. In this case, the original owners imported German woodcarvers and craftsmen for all the paneling and cornice work. Then they brought in Italian painters and plasterers to decorate the halls with stencils and plaster work."

"You mean like the Biltmore Estate in North Carolina?"

"Exactly, only much less grand. I'd love to show you the inside but they're closed for renovations. We'll come again another time. Let's take a walk down to the lake."

They strolled through flower gardens and past privet hedges all neatly trimmed. They walked across a wide well manicured lawn to finally arrive at a walkway that wound itself around the edge of the lake. Ryan sat in a bench nearby and motioned for Sarah to join him.

"There is so much around me that I never knew existed when I lived on the street. It simply amazes me."

"Do you have any regrets?"

"Regrets? I suppose so; I guess I'd have to think about it." Sarah glanced off across the lake and watched ducks glide effortlessly across the surface. "I suppose my one regret is telling Sam the way I did."

"Sam?"

"He was my friend, my one friend. The only true friend I had before I transitioned to live full time as a woman."

"What happened?"

"You see, Sam was gay, but he wasn't open about it, at least not yet. I think he only told me. As I look back on it now, I guess he had a thing for me, although I never knew it at the time. I didn't tell him I was getting my breasts until after the operation was over. He got really angry with me but he never said a word. He just stood there staring at my chest, but I could tell he was mad. Then he just turned and walked out of my room. I never saw or heard from him again. I tried calling him several times but he changed his cellphone number and his parents told me he didn't want to speak to me."

"I'm sorry to dredge up old pain."

"It's okay; it was a long time ago. Still, it would have been nice to know why he was so upset that he wouldn't speak to me again."

She was silent for a while looking out over the water at nothing in particular.

"Was sexual reassignment surgery part of the plan?"

She glanced back at Ryan and sighed. "Yes and no. I mean lots of girls dream to make the transition complete but the reality isn't always something that can happen. Money is the biggest issue. The physica changes are risky as well. Then there are the testing and psych interviews."

"Psych interviews?"

"Yeah, the doctors want a full psychological profile. They want to make sure that you are sure you want to do this. It's a big change, and you can't take it back if it doesn't work out the way you imagined."

"What about you? Did you want to make the change?"

"I'm still wrestling with it. I mean yes I want to feel what it's like to be truly loved like a woman. And no, there are a lot of things that can go wrong. It's all rather scary. I decided to wait until I had the money and then I'll make the choice."

"Did your parents help with that?"

"Shit, no. They threw me out of the house instead. My dad was totally against it and my mother, draping her cloak of religious piety around her shoulders, told me to pray to Jesus that my sins would be forgiven. Fuck, stupid cow."

"So what did you do?"

"What else, I went to the streets. I needed money, not only for the big cut, if that was ever going to happen, but I needed money for the drugs I had to have daily just to maintain what I have."

"Is Anna helping you with your needs now?"

"Yeah, but it can't last forever. Her insurance coverage is a bit spotty and it goes away when I'm twenty-six. I need a job to pay her back, and to stand on my own as well."

"Any luck with that?"

"Nope, but I'll keep looking, my luck is bound to change."