All Comments on 'Heavenly Bodies in the Hot Springs'
by MatthewVett
- 28 Comments
oh fuck that was so stimulating i almost cummed
you should write a sequel
i would give anything to be in that situation
THX SO MUCH
That story was HOT!! Can't imagine what the night held.
...in the first paragraph! The scene in the hot spring was just icing on the cake.
The correct format of "wring" the would be "wrung", not "wringed".
Other than that, it's a great story!
Great read! Very erotic. Please do continue...
I enjoyed your story especially the nice slow introduction of the character and the accuracy of the technical details.
It's all very good, you are miles ahead of me (but I'll get there).
What I notice is that, to me at least but I'm sure more people will say the same thing, the actual sex act is your weakest point.
Have you tried 'penis' instead of 'cock' and 'sperm' instead of 'cum'? To me those 'sexualized' words miss their effect.
The parts where they lick his penis seems to be too detailed, and too 'zoomed in'. I personally like to say 'she licked his penis', instead of 'her tongue went up and down, leaving a trail of saliva on the shaft of his cock'.
It has the feel of a movie where they mix 'wide' shots with incredibly zoomed in shots, so imagine: girl leaves home - her forehead itches so she scratches it three times with the edge of her pink fingernail belonging to her index finger - she gets in the car that's waiting in front of the house
i enjoyed your piece and wish it had gone longer. I dont mind the more descriptive writing and def dont mind that it is generally focused on a guys pleasure, yummy lol. keep up the good work ;) second one ive voted on so far, read 10 entries so far
Very Erotic story. This story is very female friendly and is the type of fantasy that you would be able to share with your spouse when exchanging fantasies especially with a new lover while not knowing what her boundaries are. This story could warrant a chapter 2 for the rest of the night but on its own, it had the perfect ending. Well Done!
, I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it female friendly. I was a bit worried about that part. Thanks!
TO BE CONTINUED I HOPE SEXUALITY TO BE EXPERIENCED IN A NATURAL SETTING IS THE BEST
hot, wet story. Thank you
Wish it could be expanded and drawn out a little. I'd like to know how the women became so comfortable with a group act, especially since they're going to spent some intimate time together.
My only quibble is, that I was distracted occasionaly by the appearance of the Vocabulary Olympics. I like to learn a little something when I read, but this story could use a glossary. Unless it's your goal that 95% of the readers don't get/appreciate your meaning, Is there a general guideline like I heard once for writing business memos, write it so a 5th??, 8th?? grader can understand it. I lose a moment when a state of arousal like blu balls is described in doctor humor as something like grandorous azur syndrome. At first the line: " "Look at you, sifting after all," praised Irene." along with ...where babies come from led me to believe Desiree was fingering herself. After looking it up, I still waffled on wether you meant the the Sh** I'd F**k That definition or the taking only the gravy/best part Urban dictionary meaning. I assumed the latter. Again for emphasis, it is only a quible. ( side tangent, before he stood up naked, I wanted him to ask Desiree to turn around (or go to her room) so she wouldn't be offended.
thanks again.
I especially liked the blindfold aspect and the multiple contact!! Two or more on one member is quite exhilirating!! Thank you!!
But it is just that... a start, and not what I'd consider to be a complete story.
One guy with four ladies and all we have so far is essentially an anonymous blow-job? Which woman was doing what?
All of that could (and should) be explained by continuing the story. He should get a shot at all of the ladies, including a chance to introduce Desiree to the joys of sex. After all, he agreed to spend the night with the ladies and repay their generosity.
If there's one thing that really bugs me, it is stories that end by insinuating there is more to come, but then never deliver on it. Especially when the first part is good enough to warrant more. It's like a TV series ending with a cliffhanger, then getting cancelled. It leaves the audience unsatisfied.
One thing that didn't make a lot of sense to me is Sisi getting a cloth to wipe him off afterwards. They are out in a free-flowing hot spring, not in an enclosed hot tub or pool, so why bother cleaning him off and not just have him slip back into the water to wash off? Wiping him off might fit if they were on a bed, or something like that, but they are not.
While you've got a nice story here, I would have liked to have seen it as instead of a male being the main lead it instead. Went to a female if you ever write another one it would be fun to see that.
, I plan to write that sort of story someday, so keep an eye out!
A story this good need to be finished.As I see it this is a great beginning to a series of short stories or a novel.
...in all the cold nights I have spent with telescope and camera. Must be more careful when selecting my observation places.
awesome story, enjoyed it very much... - but when do we get the chance to read a sequel? The night is still long...