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Click here"I'm... learning to be," I admitted.
She leaned in against me, brushed herself against me as we so loved her to do.
"I know you said you have a thing about wearing jewellery."
"Yes, I do. Why are you mentioning it?"
Her hands paused on my shoulders.
"Please don't tell me you bought me something," I added. "Because..."
"No. I didn't buy anything for you. But... but I have something. It's... it's something that I want to give to you."
I turned on the chair and stared up at her.
"Julie..."
"Please," she whispered. "It's... I know it's silly, and we're only just a thing, but... but it's important to me. Even if you say no, I still want to try. Can I... can I at least show you?"
"You can show me," I said, trying not to let my worry bleed into my words.
She bit her lip, then turned away from me and opened a drawer in the little vanity table. She reached into it and withdrew a small fabric pouch, which she upended into the palm of her left hand.
Silver chain glinted; I let out a shaky breath. Thank God it wasn't a ring...
She draped it over her fingers and turned back to me; her expression strangely... sombre.
"I know this is a lot to ask of you," she said. "I know I'm being presumptuous. But... but it would mean so much to me if you'd wear this for me, sometimes. If you want to."
"Oh Julie. It's... beautiful."
The small, plain pear-cut pendant stone glittered blood red under her muted bedroom light.
"It was my gran's," she said. "I loved her more than anyone else ever."
"Julie..."
"I want you to keep this for me," she said in a rush. "I don't care if you don't wear it. I... I just want it to be out again. I don't wear it, it's totally wrong for me. But... but it's perfect for you and I'd love it so much if..."
I stilled her frantic words with the gentle touch of my finger to her cheek.
"Are... are you sure?" I asked her, watching her.
"As sure as I ever am of anything ever," she whispered. "I know why you don't wear things. I know. So I totally get it. But... but I'm still hoping that..."
"Julie?"
I reached behind me and lifted my hair from my neck; a mute invitation.
She let out a trembling little breath.
She stepped closer and fumbled a bit as she tried to clasp the chain around my neck. The metal was cold against my skin; I shivered, then let my hair fall.
The stone pendant hung distractingly high, just below my throat.
It felt strange to be wearing something again. Strange... but, somehow, not upsetting as I'd been so worried it might be.
"It's beautiful on you. You're beautiful," she said.
I glanced up at her; concerned by the note of sadness in her words.
I caught her hand, pulled her around in front of me. She flung her leg over my lap and settled down on me, draping her arms around my neck as she shifted inwards.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Just... stuff," she sighed. "Stupid stuff. Don't worry about it..."
"Hey," I said. "No. That's not how this is going to work. I told you things. Now you have to share. I... I care about you. Deeply. You need to talk to me, Julie. Even if you think it's just stupid stuff..."
"I'm just terrified that I'll wake up and this will all be dream," she whispered. "That you'll tire of me and leave me."
I trailed my finger down her cheek; she turned her face as she leaned into the touch.
"Does this feel like a dream?"
"I told you it was stupid," she muttered.
"Julie?"
"Mhmm."
"I'm going to tell you something personal."
"Um... okay..."
"I've never been happy. Well... not in so many years that it's hard to remember just how long it's been. Let's go with never as an allowable over-exaggeration, okay?"
"Okay... but..."
"I'm happy now."
"Oh."
"I'm deliriously happy. I... I wake up smiling, Julie. Smiling. Do you understand how... how special and wonderful and strange that is for me?"
"Cat..."
"It's because of you. It's all because of you. How... how could you even dream that I'd want to lose you? That I'd ever, ever willingly leave you? I adore you. I love you. I..."
And then I realised what I'd just said, and stumbled to a stop.
Her face had gone red; high colour was rushing to her throat.
"Well... shit," I managed. "That is not at all how I wanted to tell you that..."
"You love me?" she said, at last, voice all strange.
"Yes," I breathed.
And she slowly slumped in against me and buried her face in my hair.
I heard her sniff, once, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her and clasped her to me.
"Don't ever leave me," she whispered at last.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and tried to get as close to her as I possibly could.
"I couldn't ever," I managed to answer, and her arms tightened even more.
The stone of her necklace dug into me. I accepted the discomfort as her mark on me; I had no wish to be anywhere other than her arms ever again.
.:.
I stared down at the plain Purbeck pillow stone, engraved with a simple cross and my mum's name.
It was... smaller than I'd imagined it would be.
But it was elegant and understated.
Mum would have approved.
Julie shifted beside me; I felt the movement of her body as she glanced my way.
She hadn't even hinted at the idea of not coming with me, on this long-avoided pilgrimage back to my town of birth.
She'd held my hand as we pulled into Brighton station, and been my silent rock of strength as we caught the bus that would take us out to the far flung lawn memorial cemetery.
She'd simply stood and ridden and walked silently beside me, keeping vigil over me on the winding path from gate to graveside.
I would never be able to express how grateful I was to her for being there with me.
I would never be able to find the words to tell her how much I needed the simple warmth of her hand in mine as I stood there, on the banks of the present, staring down into the deep, dark waters of the past and remembering every razor-sharp facet of that long-ago winter's day.
The shouts; the crashes, the crystalline sound of falling glass.
The fear in my mother's voice as she tried to calm him, to reason with him through his alcoholic rage.
The way she'd shrieked at me to run.
The soft thud of the axe.
The horrible, indescribable... noise... I'd heard her make as she hit the floor one final time.
The taste of the winter air on my tongue as I'd dashed through the front door and down the road to our friendliest neighbours; blind with panic, unable to get words out at first past my sobs.
I'd never seen either of my parents again.
All that had remained of them had been the blood that someone had tried but failed to clean out of the threadbare square of carpet in front of our old brick fireplace.
Well... call it smeared rather than cleaned, really.
My mum's final act of supreme sacrifice had allowed me to escape and call for help.
Help for me.
It had been far, far too late for her.
The wind rustled the red-bronze leaves of the nearby guardian Oak, several fluttered to the ground.
I took a slow, numb breath.
"I miss you, Mummy," I whispered, against the choking agony in my throat. "Oh... oh God, I miss your hugs and the way you used to hold me. I miss the smell of the bread you used to bake for me and the way you'd always pack my school lunches. I miss the way you'd sing to me before bed. I miss your smile. I... I wish things had been different. I wish I'd had you to ask all the questions I needed answered. And most of all I wish..."
I paused, voice cracking, shaking with the effort of trying to remain strong.
"I wish I'd got to introduce you. To Julie. You'd have liked her, Mum. Maybe even as much as I do. She takes care of me, now. I love her; she's the one for me. I know it. I would... I would give everything to have had the chance for her to meet you. For you to see me happy again."
Julie made a noise; I felt her shudder, and I turned my face in and pushed it hard in against her, feeling the dampness of her sympathetic tears on my skin.
I would not cry.
Not yet.
That was for later.
I released my lover's hand and slowly knelt before my mother's grave.
I put the small bouquet of mixed native flowers that I'd brought with us before her headstone, and trailed my fingers slowly around the plain letters of the simple, beautiful Diane etched there.
"So..." I managed, somehow managing to get the words out. "I'm... I might not be back for a while again. It's still so hard. But... but I'll be back again, sometime. I'm... okay. I'm okay now. If you're still here at all, you can go. Thank you for being the best mum I ever could have had. I love you," I finished, choking the final three words out as my throat closed up on me.
I staggered to my feet and turned to my lover; she wrapped her arms tightly around me, saying nothing, just letting me come to pieces in the warm, protective circle of her arms.
At last I managed to pull back.
"Cat..." she whispered, voice rough and choked up, eyes red, cheeks still damp. "Oh, my love, you are so brave."
"Not. Should have come back... years ago..."
"No. You weren't ready. "
I squeezed my eyes closed and didn't answer. She slowly ran her hands up and down my back.
"Oh, my love," she sighed again as she pulled me to her, and I nodded fiercely in against her neck.
"Sorry," I whispered, when I could.
"No. Never."
We listened to the bright birdsong from the surrounding trees, to the gentle rustling of leaves, to the distant sound of a lawnmower and the even more distant buses.
"Cat?"
"Yes."
"Are you done here? For now?"
"Yes."
She took a long, slow breath.
"Okay, then. Come, Cat. Let's... let's go get something to eat; we've got a few hours, we could go walk along the promenade and watch the waves. It's good for finding calm. Or at least, it always was for me. Come, love. Let me take you somewhere else."
"Okay," I agreed, pulling back and scrubbing at my eyes.
And my love put her arm around my waist and slowly turned me away and I let her guide me back to the path that would lead us outwards into the world again.
Behind us, some more red-gold leaves fell like yesteryear's tears.
The bitter heartache eased.
I still hurt.
But I'd heal.
And now I knew that I would never be alone again.
Lovely. I have cleared one tear at the corner of my eye and i m delighted with your writing. All perfect not a word too much or too short. Or out of place. Thank you
As always just wonderful - not a wasted word. The last images of horror and the love that had transcended it were perfect for this story
You have a gift. Great story, plot, characters, etc., but you were able to develop the characters and slowly unfold their love and commitment to each other such that there was a palpable intensity I could feel without the usual passages of detailed Sapphic sex. Their connection was so deep and their longing so profound that it was almost overwhelming, starting when Julie came from just Cat's touch. Then it continued to build as each released their long pent-up hunger for authentic attention from someone else. The sex was almost secondary to this shared intensity that had finally at long last found its resonant home each in and through the other. Thank you.
I have revisited this story several times and it reads just as rewardingly each time. Thank you.
Once again, a story that breaks my heart Wanda...in the best way possible.
I love this story! As someone who has been crushing on my hair stylist for years, the first part really made me smile.
I have just read this wonderful tale again and I am still in awe of your talent.
This time I noticed that Cat squeaked!
AHHHHHH
I nearly made it all the way to the end without tearing up, but that final part got me. I knew things were going too well and there was going to be a punch of feels just waiting around some random corner.
I'd tell my mom I love her, but she'll probably think somethings wrong. :p
This was so beautiful and so deep. I don’t even know if I can go to sleep, I just want to experience it again. Thank you, thank you.
You are really very, very good at using words to elicit your reader's emotional reactions, as you did mine (again).
However, I thought the description of the violent death of your protagonist's mother was unnecessarily graphic, was very unpleasant to read, and spoiled the story for me. Please don't feel that you need to include such scenes in your otherwise gorgeous stories.
Another wonderful, passionate, sad, heartbreakingly lovely love story. You know how I feel about your work so I won't repeat myself. You fully deserve all the praise you receive for this one.
A sad loving story, I know you'll never read this, but I must say you are the best... Thank you for telling this story to all of us who read it.
Goodness, that line was a total slap in the face which completely broke my flow. I mean that as a compliment. It completely broke Julie's flow, too. Well done.
What a wonderful story! Your prose is excellent! Your character development exquisite! I so enjoy your writing!
Best regards,
Kathy
Another story that touched my soul. Somehow you can bring out some beautiful humanity of your characters. Thank you once again.
Beautiful sensuous story, from an incredibly talented writer. I have read this story start to finish at least six times since you published it, and I enjoy it more every time. There are stories about people who have suffered horrific loss like the domestic violence you describe in Lamplight, and I often wonder what happens to those left behind to live on, somehow. I can imagine how difficult this was to envision and write about. All your lesbian stories since “Sketching Sophie” are saved to my favorites (except the vampire story, which was interesting one time, but not one that I would revisit) and I go back to them all from time to time, like old friends.. ♦️♦️♦️♦️♦️+++++. Thank you for sharing your talent and imagination with us on Lit.
Twice now my daughter has come over to visit and asked why I've been crying. She's clearly not buying my vague excuses. I'm very tempted to send her a link to your stores.
xx
Oh..such a great sexual awakening for both of them.
Very enticing and enjoyable
Thanks …looking forvmore
Childhood .... It is not the will of a soul to be born, but the act of future parents .... Love should be the only motivation for this .... Childhood should be filled with unconditional love, because this formative time accompanies us throughout our lives .... Humanity does not learn to work together for each other .... Selfishness is the way ..... Such an extremely sensitive topic Wanda, which you have wrapped up here in a fantastic, loving, ravishingly beautiful story .... Beautiful to cry about
Ten hearts again 💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝💝✨☘️🥰
Superb Story covering just about everything that can happen in Love and life. Well done!
Your stories never cease to amaze me. This one had me in tears at one point. Thank you so much!
How have I not read you before? Second rhetorical question, how can I resist reading more? This was perfect in every way. Two believable and likeable characters, beautifully delineated, a plot crafted perfectly, and two hearts finding the love they need. Thank you for this five star tale of love. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
What more is there to say beside all that has ready been said? Painfully delicious sex and a touching story written in your evocative, sensously understated style. You're pressing all my buttons in just the right ways. I think I need some fresh air.
Congrats on another amazing story! ❤️
Another wonderful story. Despite the ending this is a melancholy tale. You write melancholy very well.
Oh goodness, such a powerful and moving story. I love this from the bottom of my
Breaking heart.
A wonderful story, very powerful and yet very tender. You are one of my favorite authors.
A wonderfully romantic, poignant and sexy tale. Well paced with some great, intimate dialogue. Thanks for such an enjoyable read.
well done im sure there s more levels than i know pain grief and love well put together be happy well and safe a fan shayne
Love this one..
Touch my heart heavily, and tears in my eyes...
Cheers
Belinda
What a fascinating, wonderful story! It felt like a bit of a deviation from what I consider your "standard" narrative structure (something I've tried and failed to phrase in a way that doesn't sound presumptuous to my own ears, so apologies if you disagree!), since it starts on what is basically a single scene that escalates from pining at work to having sex and whispering secrets a fair bit quicker than I was expecting. But I'm certainly not complaining: It absolutely works, is told with your trademark care and gentleness, and imbued with the same seamlessness and confidence that I so admire in everything you write. So thank you for taking the time write, edit, and publish this for us, I love it :)
Unrelatedly, writing this comment had me realise that I missed the opportunity to congratulate you on and thank you for what is now a decade and a few months of stories, so you'll have to make do with this belated acknowledgment, I'm afraid. I'm not at all exaggerating when I say that these are some of my favorite things ever put on the internet, and I really don't have the words for how much I appreciate the countless hours you spent on them. Take care!
I would like the characters' acquaintance and the birth of love to be described in much more detail than "a date and sex in one day". Otherwise, everything is excellent as always.
Beautiful and heart wrenching. Love comes to the lost and turns their life around. ❤️❤️❤️
Hauntingly beautiful. I would love to read more about these two, either backstory or their future.
Beautiful. Raw honesty. Sensual where sensuality is needed. Perfect pacing. A wonderful eye for significant detail.
All the great things I've come to expect in your stories. Sheer perfection!
Thank you
Sarahxxxxx
incredible. Sheer poetry. So brief, so real, the tale the characters. the closeness, the doubts. Incredible
Absolutely heart-wrenching. You have this innate talent to tap into the most raw and primal emotions and feelings of your characters that I love so so, so much. Such tragic experiences that leave tortured souls just crying out for salvation and happiness...and finding it. Thank you so very, very much for sharing your gift with us!!
Wow, just wow!
As always, your stories literally make me want to not stop reading! I was so engrossed from start to finish and literally, reading with a smile, when reading the dialogue between the two. I don't know how you do it, but every time I read one of your stories, I don't feel like it can be topped by another, but then you go and do it again.
I really can't wait for your next one. As always I wish I could rate this more than 5 stars, as it's brilliant and a simple delight ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
expressed very well how I feel about Lamplight.
Oh, my. What a punch to the gut when Cat revealed her horrible experience. I had to stop reading for a minute to process it.
I know you generally don't write sequels or follow-ups, but I wouldn't mind reading more, if there is more to tell.
So sad but so beautiful.
I love your work, you are so talented.
Your characters really come to life, at times I felt as if I was sitting there with them, and I was moved to tears several times.
Thank you!
Made me cry, again. You jerk😉. Thank you for your stories. They are painfully hopeful tales.
My heart leaped when I saw a new story from you. My word girl you can write, can you ever? The last page was hard to read through the tears but behind them there was happiness for them both.
As ever...thank you
You never disappoint. I appreciate the character development and the details which allow us to feel like we're there watching the events unfold. Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
I love your stories, they're amazing and your characters feel so real sometimes its actually scary. That said, this one didn't quite hit the mark. It's still incredible, but it just didn't feel the same. I know this will sound crazy given the site we're on, but it has too much sex. I know, I'm on an erotica site complaining about sexual content, but one of the reasons I live your stories is because of your characters and the emotional growth they share. You include sex in your stories but I've always felt that the emotional character growth was more important. This time, well, it's still an amazing story, but I feel like the balance is off. Too much sex, not enough emotion. Your recipe is still the same, and you've included everything that makes your stories so incredible, but it just feels like the proportions are wrong.
Still a great an amazing story, worthy of a 5* rating, but I doubt it'll be one I'll come back to to read again.
White chocolate with a dark bitter centre. Beautifully written.
Makes me think of the best Blues songs - e.g. One Kind Favour (Blind Lemon Jefferson, Canned Heat).
Many bonus points for the use of 'tatterdemalion' - the only story on Lit with that word?
5* (like NHS staff, not enough), thanks for sharing your time & talent.
Dixon (UK)
Every time I come on here and to be fair it's most days, the first place I come to is your page to see if just maybe you've written again.
So glad I visited today.
This is a wonderful tale of love and trust.
I live your stories they, you lead us into the lives of the characters, the sex is just part of their lives it's not the focus of your stories and that is what sets you apart form the crowd.
Thank you so much for writing and sharing.
Wanda you have such a great way with words, i absolutely adore your stories!! I hope you wre doing amazingly and continue to bless us with these!!
Why you making my eyes leak, Wanda?
Wonderful story from start to finish, as usual. Thanks!
Simply amazing. Beautifully written story. Any time I see your name on my feed it’s drop what I’m doing and read. Thank you!
Great story as usual Wanda.I was practically in tears at the end.So lovely and moving.Made this 60+guy into a quivering heap of emotion.Thank you.Keep up the great work.Twowayman62.👍👍❤😁😁
Just, wow. I mean, there are good writers of good stories, but this, and you.....you keep leaving me speechless with your words, your setting of a scene, your story and character building, all perfect.
Thank you.
Dialogue that rings true, pacing that feels right, Awkwardness in all the right places, Love in every line. One could gush on! Oh, I think I have. Such a relief from recent dry spell. Stylists do get to play with us don't they? So well done. We never got Julie's story, but it will come or not just like life.
Can see why this piece sat for some time — so beautiful, so painful, so cathartic — it must have been difficult to create. Thanks for sharing; so easy to immerse oneself in your characters and their stories.
The wonderful characters and emotion you bring to your stories always make me tear up. So good.