Mason Ch. 05

James thought about how things had changed since he and Toni got married, his mother who was against the marriage and Toni's mother now talked on a daily basis. Jamie became the magnet that pulled them all together.

When they got home, Toni called the hospital and talked to the Director of Internal Medicine. When she explained what she wanted to do, he became concerned.

"Toni are you sure that James is alright?"

"He's fine, we just feel like we need to spend more time with Jamie and each other. If taking a leave is a problem, I can resign..."

"No, let's not go there." The director said. "Why don't we do this, let's give you an extension on your leave effective now and we'll talk again in a month?"

It wasn't what she really wanted but it would do for now. Toni hung up the phone and looked at her two men sitting on the floor watching television. James was such a good father; there was no denying that he loved both her and Jamie. And to think she had almost thrown it away.

****

Mason figured he had lounged around enough and started looking for a place to open his practice. He liked what Eustace had done- buying a whole building and using part of it for living space. He sat on the balcony and booted up his laptop to look for real estate, even though he had a realtor, he enjoyed doing some research himself. If he found anything, he would send her over to the building before going himself.

As he searched he became aware that for the past week he hadn't had any disquieting feelings about Toni. Whatever it was had apparently passed at least for now. Tired of searching for property, Mason shut the laptop off and decided to go for a walk. At the last minute, he decided to take his cell phone and wished that he hadn't. Lydia Smythe had been calling him at least once a day demanding that he call her back. With each phone call she became more demanding. This last message was over the top.

"Mason Donahue! I demand that you return my call as soon as you get this message. No one and I mean no one walks out on me!"

By the end of the message, she was screaming.

"Fuck it! If the bitch needs an apology for her to stop calling me I'll fucking apologize!" Mason said out loud as he hit the return call button.

Lydia answered on the first ring. She didn't give Mason a chance to say anything before she started screaming at him. Mason laid the phone on the counter and walked out of the condo not coming back for two hours. When he got back, the battery on the phone was dead. As soon as it was charged, he would block Lydia's number, what was with her anyway? He was sure that there was some underlying psych issue but he hadn't spent enough time with her to figure it out nor did he want to.

On a whim he called Eustace.

"What the fuck is with that woman? She's called me at least once a day ever since I left screaming into the phone."

"I'm sorry about that, after we talked I did some checking around only to find out that the people that she used as references lied. She's every bit as disturbed as I had heard her to be, I also heard that she can be violent and unpredictable so be careful."

"You're shitting me right?" Mason asked.

"No and I wish I were. I've been trying to track down her psychiatrist but so far no luck, when I find him I'll let him know where she is and I'll call you."

Mason hung up and laughed, who but him would attract a crazed therapist?

He booted up his laptop and googled Lydia's name and got several hits, after about an hour he saw the name of a psychiatrist that was associated with her name. He was on the east coast and would still be up. Mason took a chance and called. As it turned out the psychiatrist was looking for Lydia, he knew that she was somewhere on the east coast and was grateful for the lead. Mason gave the address to the office and breathed a sigh of relief after he hung up. That night was the last time he heard from Lydia Smythe, with that little drama over with, Mason continued his search for a building. When he tired of that, he went to his room and watched the news.

***

The back yard was decorated with balloons and banners for Jamie's birthday. The cake was on the table along with birthday gifts from both sets of grandparents and Wanda. James grilled steaks while Toni handled any food that didn't need to be cooked. Her and James mother watched after Jamie as preparations for dinner went on, she took a moment to look out of the window to watch James talking with their father's. When he got older, he would look like his father, just taller and just as handsome. She had a fleeting sense of disquiet that was gone as quickly as it came; it came to her that she was scared.

The party was a success with Jamie doing the required mashing his hands in the cake while pictures were taken. Everyone helped with the clean-up making it quick and easy. Toni took Wanda home while the others visited.

"Toni? Do you think that I'm smart enough to be a doctor?" Wanda asked.

"Sure you are is that what you want to do?" Toni asked.

"I think so, a pediatrician."

"How are your grades?" Toni asked.

"Ok except for math and chemistry. I just don't get it." Wanda said.

"James is really good at that those, maybe he could help you. I'll ask him when I get home."

Jamie was sleeping in James' arms when she got back.

"I wanted to wait for you before tucking him in." James whispered.

Everyone else had gone to their rooms leaving James rocking the sleeping toddler. He and Toni put Jamie to bed and stood by the crib watching him sleep. Their baby was growing up.

***

Two years later

James couldn't say when he started not feeling just right, he knew that he should say something but he hated it when Toni worried over him and this was his fault... James looked at the clock, she should be home any minute now, he would tell her then.

Toni walked in ten minutes later to find James pale, cool and clammy. She picked up the phone and called 911 knowing that if it was nothing that James would be pissed. She held Jamie in her arms as she checked James pulse, it was strong but erratic. She called his name and breathed a sigh of relief when he opened his eyes.

"Hi sweetness, I really feel like crap." He said weakly taking her hand.

"I know you do the ambulance is coming." Toni said fighting tears.

As if on cue, the sound of the sirens drew closer. They wasted no time in starting an IV and asking Toni the pertinent questions. They soon had him on a heart monitor and in the ambulance; Toni grabbed some supplies for Jamie and met them at the hospital.

"That was a close call." The ER physical said.

"What happened?" Toni asked.

"We're not sure to be honest with you that's why we're going to keep him for a few days although he's demanding to go home."

"But he's stable?" Toni asked.

"He's stable, let me ask you this, has he been adjusting his meds?"

"No..." Toni started to say but then she couldn't be sure. "I'll find out and let you know." she said.

She found James looking much better and his heart rate regular.

"Hi sweetness and baby sweetness!" he greeted holding his arms out for Jamie.

Toni let him have his time with Jamie before asking him about his meds. When Jamie had settled down on his lap Toni asked.

"James, have you been screwing around with your meds?"

When he hesitated, she knew that he had.

"What in the hell are you trying to do?" she hissed. "Are you trying to leave us?" she asked crying.

"Baby no! I... oh hell baby I was trying to see if I could get rid of one by increasing the other and..."

"Are you a fucking cardiologist?" she asked interrupting him.

James didn't answer, she rarely used that word and the fact that she just did and in front of the baby told him that he had really scared her.

"You almost died! Do you know that? Phil just told me how close it was! What were you thinking?"

"Of you, I was thinking of you and Jamie. He's going to be old enough to want to play ball and things like that and I thought that it I could tweak my meds that maybe I could add some sports to my regimen and Jesus baby I'm sorry."

Toni wasn't ready to let him off the hook just yet and if she had to use guilt, she would.

"How long have you been doing this?" she asked as tears ran down her face.

"A week or two and I thought that I was doing ok until tonight. I mean I wasn't feeling great but not bad but tonight I completely eliminated the beta-blocker and increased the other."

"James, I know that this has been hard for you starting with not being able to have a baby together and then not being able to do the things that you love but we almost lost you tonight. We would rather have you alive and able to cheer for Jamie at his games than visiting your grave site. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? We love you and we're not ready for you to leave us so please don't do this again."

James kissed Jamie on his head, Toni was right; it was a stupid thing to do.

"Sweetness, come here." James said softly as he held out his hand.

Toni didn't move at first, she was still pissed that he would do something so stupid. After a minute she moved toward him and took his hand. James pulled her onto the cot as he scooted over.

"Toni, I don't want to leave you and Jamie ever. What I did was stupid and I'm sorry that I put you through this. I promise that from now on I won't screw with my meds unless I talk to the cardiologist. Forgive me?"

Toni laid her head on his chest and cried, the cardiologist peeked in and left them alone, he had some bad news. He came back an hour later and pulled up a chair.

"James, I'm not going to sugar coat this so here it is; it looks as if your condition is worsening. Before you ask, the tweaking of your meds had very little if anything to do with it. I would like to do another heart catherization just to see how much worse it is. Best case scenario? The progress will be minimal."

Toni held on to James' hand as he held Jamie. The sense of impending doom that she felt the first time was back and in spades.

"When do you want to do the cath?" Toni asked.

"As soon as possible, James, did you eat dinner?" he asked.

"No, I haven't eaten since lunch." James said quietly.

"Good, I'll have the nurse bring in the consent."

Toni started to shake as she called James' parents and then hers. James' parents would leave right away and stop to pick her parents up in their jet on the way in.

The nurse stuck her head around the curtain and came in with the consent which James signed without looking at. As soon as he was gone, James pulled Toni down so that her head lay on his chest and began to talk to her.

"I love you and this little boy so much. The two of you are the best things that have ever happened to me; I just wanted you to know that in case...."

"James don't talk like that! You're going to be fine and we're going to get old and play with Jamie's babies and don't you dare fucking leave us!" Toni cried.

James was as scared as she was and wanted nothing more than to promise her that he would be fine, his gut told him that he wouldn't be but he didn't tell her that. James held both Toni and Jamie and prayed that he would get another reprieve; he wasn't ready to leave them.

Toni paced while James was in the cath lab. One of the nurses from peds happened by and offered to put Jamie in one of the empty cribs in her section. Reluctantly, Toni handed the sleeping boy to the nurse thanking her for her help.

Their parents arrived not long after the nurse had taken Jamie and greeted her with hugs.

Toni had just closed her eyes when she heard the code called for the cath lab.

"James!" she screamed and ran into the lab.

She stood helplessly by as they did everything that they could to save him, collapsing when she realized that they couldn't. Toni didn't know who caught her and took her to the waiting room, all she knew was that James was gone and he wasn't coming back. She felt arms go around her and the sounds of weeping that joined her own. She pulled away, she had to see him.

No one stopped her as she approached the cot and pulled the endotrachial tube. She brushed his hair back from his face and kissed him. He was warm enough for her to believe that he was still alive but when she touched his chest, there was no heartbeat.

Toni touched and kissed James until someone gently pulled her away.

"Sweetie let us clean him up and then you can come back."

Toni pulled away from the nurse.

"I'll do it." she said softly not wanting anyone else to touch him.

"But..."

"I said I'll do it!!!" she snapped.

The nurse came back with a basin of warm water and a clean hospital gown.

"You want some help baby?" a soft voice said.

"Damn it!" She stopped; the voice belonged to her mother.

"No mom, I need this time to be alone with him but Jamie is up in peds could you guys go get him?"

Toni turned back to James, continued to wash him and removing any IV's before dressing him in the clean gown. She sat beside him holding his hand already missing him. Their parents joined her handing a very sleepy Jamie over to her. She held Jamie tight wetting his face with her tears.

The funeral was a week later, people from all over the States came, most of who were classmates or colleagues at one time or another. The week had been a blur for Toni, she couldn't bring herself to sleep in the bed that they had made love in so many times not that she could sleep anyway. She replayed the last few months in her mind trying to figure out if there was anything that she should have caught. The cardiologist told her that she had missed nothing and that they had been fortunate that James hadn't died before this.

The day of the funeral was the hardest day of her life. She sat in the front with her parents and with Jamie on her lap crying softly. The best part of her was gone, the part of her that was stubborn enough to stick around as she decided whether she loved him or not, the part of her that never stopped believing that they belonged together, the part of her that taught her how to love.

Toni listened as different people spoke about James and hugged Jamie close to her. She had no idea of how she was going to live without James. She kissed Jamie on the head and murmured, "We'll manage won't we?"

A week after the funeral, James' attorney came to the house.

"I am so sorry for your loss but you should know that he loved you so very much. He wanted you to have these in case... and he left you very well off financially. You and the baby will be fine in that respect."

Toni took the box and let the attorney out. She opened the box and saw the videos, curious she picked one up and saw that they were all dated and timed. She took the first one out, carried it to the living room and put in in the player. She gasped when James' image came on the screen. She didn't get past the "Hi Sweetness!" before she shut it off, put it back in the case and put it back with the others. With tears running down her face, she set the box on a shelf and walked away.

***

Mason was behind in his newspaper reading and was just reading the Sunday paper from last week. As always, he read the paper in it's entirety with the exception of the classifieds. He had just gotten to the obituaries when he saw a name that he recognized, 'James Jacobson dies at age 37' it couldn't be could it? He wondered and read the entire article.

"Fuck no." he moaned as he imagined the pain that Toni must be feeling and there wasn't a damned thing that he could do for her and their baby except maybe be her friend. A feeling of déjà vu hit him; this was too much like Katrina except that Ethan was alive and well. He closed the paper and then closed his eyes as he tried to think of the best way to help Toni and her son.