- Incest/Taboo
- My Brother's Heartbreak Ch. 01
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here"Baby please!"
Evan begged.
"No!"
Tori yelled.
"Call me when you're ready to listen!"
With that she slammed the door.
Evan sighed defeatedly.
They had been together for two years.
There had never been a fight this bad.
"Evan?"
A soft voice came from behind him.
He looked to see his little sister coming out of the kitchen.
Evan and Emily had always been really close.
Despite their difference in age they had always gotten along.
"Hey sis."
Evan said with some of the happiness returning to him.
"Did you have fun?"
She took the clip out of hair and her brown locks bounced free.
She had brown hair like Evan but he has blue eyes.
"No."
she said sadly.
She took off her black jacket and stuck it on the coat hanger by the door.
"Why not?
Sean didn't treat you right?"
She shot him a look.
"SETH and yes he did,
But it just didn't feel right you know?"
He nodded and they both made their way to the living room.
They sat on the baige couch and Evan flipped the Tv on.
Emily who never had a filter blurted out.
"What happen with you and Tori?"
Evan tensed up again.
Although she had never told him,
Emily had always disliked Tori.
Not because she was breathtakingly gorgeous,
But because Tori had always hated her.
Emily knew that Tori hated how close she was to her brother.
Tori would often try to cause fights between them by being rude to her.
Evan seemed oblivious to the tention between them.
Emily had always held her tongue because they'd seemed so happy together.
"Can we just-"
He sighed.
"She says that I'm too possessive and I get jealous too easily,
Is that true Em?"
She stared at him.
"Yes but I don't see the problem with those things."
He looked at her waiting for her to continue.
"I'd love for a man to be possessive over me and jealousy turns me on so much."
He looked at her in shock.
"Em!
I don't want to know about your sex life."
She shrugged.
"Hey you asked."
Evan shook his head but smiled.
"Em,
Can I ask you something?"
she raised her eyebrow.
"Well...how...do you-"
He studdered.
Emily chuckled.
"Come on I can't answer when I'm not asked."
"What do you think about someone dominate in the bedroom."
He spoke quickly but Em still caught every word.
She was quiet for a minute.
Evan tried hiding his blush.
"You?"
she asked surprised.
He nodded cheeks getting redder.
"Well,
Me personally I love a dominate partner but you know I don't think all girls are the same."
Emily didn't want or like the way her body heated at the topic.
Evan was really handsome and sweet,
She never would have thought he would be-
He had always been so soft.
Evan saw something shift in his sisters eyes before she bit her lip.
Emily stood her panties soaked.
"I should,
Uh get a shower."
Evan watched his usually calm sister rush up the stairs.
His thoughts drifted back to their conversation.
How her eyes had darken as they talked abo-
Wait a minute was she getting... turned on by their conversation.
As Emily showered she thought about their again conversation.
Her fingers danced across her skin unconsciously to the spot that needed them.
She fucked herself with her hand and came quickly.
Evan was watching Tv as he took another swig from his beer.
Emily happily bounced down the stairs.
"Hey Evy!"
She sat on the couch.
"Whatcha doin'?"
She grabbed the beer from his hand and took a swig.
He grabbed the beer from her.
"Hey!
Thats mine and plus your not even old enough, your only 18."
She stuck her tongue out at him.
"Yes daddy."
she rolled her eyes.
She walked into the kitchen and brought back two beers.
"Its not like you'd tell I have too much dirt on you."
She smiled as she popped the top.
"Yeah like what?"
Evan challenged.
"Oh that time that you went to "Jakes house" when really you were at that college party that I happen to have pics-"
He blanched.
"Ok ok that's enough I get it."
She laughed before chugging her beer.
They talked about how school was and about things they missed out on.
Emily got up then quickly sat back down.
"Em are you drunk?"
Evan laughed.
"No I'm buzzed but I'll get some water and chips."
He chuckled but watched as she made her way to the kitchen.
He too was feeling the effects of the alcohol.
When she came back she didn't have pants on.
"Em!"
she rolled her eyes as he looked away quickly.
"Relax they were cutting into me I had to get them off."
She wasn't lying.
As she got closer he could see the red marks on her legs.
Although he wasn't very comfortable with it,
He let it slide because well,
He had always been a bad at saying no to his sister.
It would be rude to tell her to get her pants back on.
Honestly she has killer legs.
Being a college cheerleader had perks that was for sure.
Emily on summer break still worked out all the time.
He had heard what guys had said about her,
At least right before he had punched them for talking about his little sister like that.
She was only eighteen and yet she was going to college.
Evan felt pride in his sister.
So young yet so smart.
They hung out on campus when Tori wasn't around.
Evan frowned as he realized just how much he had pushed his sister aside,
When his girlfriend had came around.
"Why the face?"
Emily asked softly.
"Nothing just thinking."
He lied.
She gave him a look that told him he was a bad liar but didn't push.
They sat there in silents and Evan finally started flipping through channels.
Animal planet, News, Sports, Cooking, Hallmark, -
"Wait! Wait go back!"
Emily reached for the remote and winced.
- COMMENTS
Hopefully it turns to pure sex. So few have such a chance.
While your story may be hot, it is tough to read when the paragraph function is left out. I have used Zoomi69 as an editor. Read his profile and see if he can help. I did and found out he used to be an engineer lab tech writer. You might also want to add sex to the story and don't let it be a one pager.
I don't want to discourage you from writing but I can't make more of your story than that it is annoying to read.
I am nearly certain that English is not your native language so some allowance should be made for that and I would like to point out two things to help.
First. If a question is asked or a statement made it should be immediately followed by an attribution as to who is asking the question or making the statement, thus,
"Why the face?"
Emily asked softly.
Should read, “Why the face?” Emily asked softly.
Second. One sentence paragraphs should be rare and sentences split into two parts are unacceptable, thus,
‘Evan frowned as he realized just how much he had pushed his sister aside,
When his girlfriend had came around'.
should read,
'Evan frowned as he realized just how much he had pushed his sister aside when his girlfriend had come around'.
Notice also the change in tense of the word ‘came’ to ‘come’. 'Came' would be correct if it was not preceded by the word 'had'.
English is a difficult language and many who speak it as their first language do not understand its intricacies. Do not give up writing if you have a passion for it, but if you want to write in English and you want your readers to enjoy your stories, a modicum of education in word usage and grammar will be needed. I am not an expert by any means, I only want to help you improve your writing.
Lastly, please ignore some of the nasty comments made by readers on this site. I would wager that none of them have ever attempted to write a story and do not know how difficult that it can be to do so.
I gave you a two, and only because there were a few parts of it that were good. Honestly, I wasn't even going to finish it when I first started reading it, but then I scrolled own, saw the comments, and I hate to discourage a writer who's trying to improve their craft. Now there's quite a bit going on here, and it needs a lot of work. Honestly I don't even remember every detail that was wrong with it, but as some have said, watch your grammar. You ended a lot of sentences with a comma instead of a period, switched tenses a few times, and had a few misspelled words. Nothing unusual about that. The story structure though, was all over the place. You jumped from the break up, to the short conversation, to an incredible quick masturbation scene, and then back to the couch with beer. There was no overarching story to it, just a lot of randomness stitched together. Writing is a very visual medium. The reader isn't watching this, so you have to describe what's going on, but also describe how it's making your characters feel. Its the emotion that draws the reader in, not just to sex. How do they feel? Is she disgusted with herself for being attracted to her brother? Is he outraged that she's attracted to him? Is he intrigued? Obviously this sin't all that there is to cover, but it's a good start. Think about this a bit, and give it another go. Don't let the haters discourage you from writing new things. You won't improve if your don't write and get feedback. Also, for God's sake, don't skip a line for every line of writing! It's confusing as hell.
Incest? Where? I agree with the others. Badly written piece of brash. PLEASE DONT WRITE ANY MORE TILL YOU GET OUT OF GRAMMAR SCHOOL. 1 star is too many.
DragonRider55
Your formatting of single sentence paragraphs is distracting and makes the story very difficult to get into
Break every sentence into a separate paragraph is annoying. Also, the narrative attributing who is talking are considered part of the same sentence.
<P>
"Why the face?"
<P>
Emily asked softly.
<P>
"Nothing just thinking."
<P>
He lied.
<P>
Uh, uh.
<P>
"Why the face?" Emily asked softly.
<P>
"Nothing, just thinking," he lied.