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Click hereLicking below my lower lip trying to sweep some of her loss essence into my mouth for another taste I look up into her face only to see closed eyes and her erratic breathing smoothing into a slow rise and fall of her chest as she succumbed to sleep. Her cheeks were flushed with a gleam of sweat shinning in her forehead with a few curls of hair plastered to it, I couldn't help the swelling of pride at my accomplishment of making her cum into exhaustion. Closing her legs I stood up from off the bed and felt the uncomfortable pressure of my hard on being contained in my pants, if this had been anybody else I would've been pissed if they had gotten off and I didn't but strangely I felt content and relaxed with sight of Avery encompassed in a deep sleep. Walking over to the door about to step out I thought better of it and decided to rest alongside of her, closing her curtains casting the room almost black I climbed into the bed laying her comforter on us. I gazed up into darkness with the taste of her lingering heavily in mouth causing a deep throb for my already prominent hard on thinking about the events that led up to this point. The day's Events and emotional turmoil sucked away the rest of what little energy I had left and the darkness seemed to seep into my eyes and cloud my head as sleep took over.
***
The sounds of my feet pounding on the ground and the occasional sloshing of water filled my ears, the humid air seemed thick and sweat poured from my skin plastering my shirt to me. The quick sting of low hanging leaves and branches snapped against my face and my foot catching underneath a weak tree root causing me to stagger as I pulled it loose from the ground. Catching my footing just barely I ran onwards away from the beast that chased me so far already, how long have I been running for? Minutes, hours, days, weeks? I didn't know but my breathing was harsh and my muscles burned with exertion. I kept my head slightly tilted upwards so I could see the pitch black of the jungle night meet with the night sky which was a strange stark contrast to the jungle, a dark navy blue filled with stars.
I glanced behind me and saw the fierce green eyes blazing in the night prancing along, they seemed to move in slow motion but were able to keep pace with me almost like the beast was toying with me. Sapping my head forward I rushed ahead fear and panic pumped adrenaline through me making me ignore the burn of my lungs and the heaviness of my limbs. My panting was loud in my ears but it didn't block out the sounds of the jungle around me or the foot falls of the thing trailing behind me.
The sound of rushing water caught my attention as I was running, ahead of me the stars glistened on the surface of the speeding water. I was maybe fifteen or twenty feet from the rapids but was unable to tell how far across it went only the first few feet. Look up I notice the trees leaves on the other side cut off the night sky from view indicating that it was a little ways to the other side. Even though I couldn't see them I knew rapids contained a lot of rocks splitting currents of water.
I was close to the deafening sound of torrent water when my foot hit the rocky bank, stepping onto a rock that caused my foot to slant inward almost making me lose my footing but recovered swiftly by running at the angle it turned me towards. I heard the scattering of rocks behind me as my pursuer was very close behind me, a surge of adrenaline fueled my sprint towards the water's edge it was about a one second debate between violent drowning and being possibly eaten alive.
Taking one grave look behind me my vision was filled with green light with sharp pupil's inches from my face, I let out a scream, faced forward, and dived for the water. I made a mistake I exhaled from screaming upon entering the water and had no breath to hold while under it, my already burning lungs caught fire. The water was surprisingly cool and refreshing compared to the humid air above. The water was a lot deeper than I had expected were even I couldn't touch the bottom. The water ripped past me flipping me over head first, heels above me, water was shooting straight into my nose.
The back of my head slammed into a rock causing my head to swim inside, the burning urge to breath was persistent, and I was unable to fight. My mouth involuntarily opened and sucked in a stream of water. My arms were flailing about underneath as I clawed at the water trying to resurface. The rapids steeply sloped causing my head to break the surface abruptly and my gag reflexes triggered instantly and regurgitated the water for a split second before I was pushed back underneath the water were my chest bounced off a rock making my throat close trapping my puke in my throat. I was flipping forward when my face scraped against the rocky bottom of the rapids. Through the sluggish fuzz in my head I formed an idea quickly. Flailing my arms I tried rotating my body upwards in order to kick off the bottom of the stream.
I felt the soles of my shoes brush the bottom and with all the strength I had left I catapulted out from the water, only half my body was above it and I felt my arm catch onto a rock were I frantically grabbed hold. I started to violently cough up the bile that rested in throat feeling it spray from mouth and slide over my teeth and tongue. Spitting out the rest I held onto the rock for dear life as the water cut past me. My senses felt everything on my body, everything was burning especially my throat and lungs. Even in the dark I could tell my vison was fading as my mind was spinning. I didn't have the energy to stay aware and focus on not letting go of the rock. The fuzziness in my head grew more and more until I went spiraling into darkness the water current shoving me away.
The night sky with its twinkling stars was the last thing I saw before black.
- COMMENTS
The question was “did my confession mean the slightest bit of difference to you?” The answer- “No I didn’t.”
He didn’t what?
That makes no sense at all.
I think you are trying too hard, or not hard enough. Can't tell which. Instead of going through the process of him discovering things for himself and with her waiting for him to and giving him small one word hints along the way, you are turning Avery into a talker. This is not the person you introduced us to. Also, about the only thing your dream sequences are doing is to extend the length of the story. If you are going to have your main character to dream, make it obviously relevant to the story and not too long. Still need more proofreading work. Gets a little mixed up in a couple of places. Continuity.
In the first two chapters my favorite aspect of Avery is that she barely said or showed anything and relied upon her brother to see and analyze her feelings. It was unique among the other stories' characters in which they would be loud and purely blatent. In this chapter she turned into a chatterbox by comparison. I could see a few times in which a simple squeak, moan, hand gesture, or look could have replaced a line. I understand if you are going for the idea that with her brother she is finally opening herself up, I just want her to at least keep a small part of that neutral quiet aspect to her personality. Still liked the chapter though.
They finally fond them self on the same page, well at least for now and with her receiving the better part of the deal.
I was at first quite angry with him as he definitely had feeling for her but tried to burry them under reason and "what's the best, but not right". Thankfully her determination and tears shook him out of his revery and he admitted that this is something they both want should obviously do. He might be big but his little sister is the exact thing he needs and she knows it way better than him. Now those lucid dreams are a whole other bear to tackle, just what do they represent (guilt?) and why does he have them and how come they ended up so abruptly? The only thing I fear is that he'll wake up and try to approach the situation with his usual "reason" and somehow fuck it all up.
I did laugh however when that lady in the parking already recognised that he's in a world of trouble from his "girlfriend".
There are still a few small grammatical errors here and there, like some commas, some weird wording, but the overall shape and conveyance of the story has improved immensely.
5* as usual and squirming already for the next instalment.