All Comments on 'No Mercy Ch. 01'
by Jaymal
- 31 Comments
OMG - dont keep me waiting i loved it, poor little holly what a wonderful story.
writing skill in LIT--However I have not encountered them
There are a few naming errors here and you are at risk for your stories becoming a bit repetitive. But I love how you put the girls through their paces and can't wait to see what is behind door number duo!
I love all of your stories, you know that. They are soo hot and make me sooo wet. I cannot wait for Chapter 2. I hope you make Holly go through Hell :-)
Your story made me so wet! I can't wait to read about what cums through the door for Holly next!
how this makes me feel...like you have opened my mind and put my fantasy in black and white.
Write more...Your style of writing had me on edge and breathless through out...waiting...
Fantastic...
The story started off interesting, but there are too many distracting adjectives. There are so many adjectives and double adjectives, it starts to take away from the plot and delays the action words too long. For example: "great jellied gobs of it dangled" could be "jellied gobs of it dangled." Also, "She was the picture of cum-splattered indignity," is a superfluous sentence. With some editing, I think you're story would improve tenfold.
...it's just that I can scarcely remember anyone leaving me a negative comment here on Literotica and NOT remaining anonymous. At least have the courtesy, if you're setting yourself up as a critic, to provide a username. Thank you.
How come the Brits write such lousy porn? Along with their
food and football[soccer] they suck bigtime
Only a guy could write such a fatuous comment. Are you the same spineless idiot who left the previous adjective-related Anonymous comment? Are you going to leave another one? Be my intellectually-retarded guest. But at least have the balls to put a name to your comment.
Im loving this story, but the wording does to seem a bit wordy, but overall its awesomely sexy
i came and came hard. esp when i can relate to it completely.
always have known deep down inside this is what i was born to do.
but i've never acted on it. your stories are really hot,
almost as good as the ones i play out, in my head ;)
xxx
grace
Loved it! I would write more but my fingers are too wet to type! Well done!
I am really enjoying your stuff. Super hot! Thanks and please keep writing.
I really liked the story but at the beginning I'm not a fucking perverted bitch. And if I want to be anonymous then I can
This story is so hot and naughty, I see what you mean now by wanting to work for full submission. Excellent story Sir.
Question, why didn't you post this up on lush?
The original version of the story was a little too far on the 'reluctance' scale for Lush, so while chapter one was there for a while, chapter two got banned and I withdrew the first out of politeness. I toned it all down a little, but it's still pretty hardcore. I hope you enjoy the second part, my bendy friend. ;)
I really love this story. It's well-written, powerful, and I love how harsh, dirty and graphic it is. I've got a thing for girls covered in cum, with their make-up running, and I love that you've included both Holly's shame and reluctance as well as how much she wants it and enjoys it. Really well done!
Really. Wow. I so loved this storyy still trembling from my orgazm its like one of my fantasies in hard sexual detail and the knocking on the door made me orgazm again. Wow ty so much
Great story. I love his attitude towards her. Such a dominant, predatory bastard.
Very sexy. Lucky Holly :)
Wife and I read this story together.
Found it a real TURN ON
We played for hours on end, sucking and fucking , cum going every where.
Carry on with more stories like this.
damn that ending was scary and hot as hell such details about his dark desires ,his lust and her conflit of natural rational mind and her inner deprave dark mind yes the credit goes to her raunchy english teacher too initiate her to hard sex
as always top notched work
whats the best part is that holly secretly desires what he would do to her unlike mary jane in whst men really wants hope i am rifht with the name although i loved that too how she thought it would be just vanilla but ended up wil degrading popping out all 3 cherries of hers in just one n8 by a wolf she thought was sheep to be just thrashed at house with as much humiliation and coldness as she experienced while getting used by him
its amazing how you can mske even a simple deepthroat and pussy fuck nicely scary and sexy all at the same time
5 star dude
damn you are professsional
way above to post for literotica
gonna see your kindle edition
you are a born novelist dude
love you 3000