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Click hereAllan then stepped over to me and wrapped me in a big brother hug. The three of us slowly made our way inside and Allan greeted Mum with a hug and a kiss. Mum had made some sandwiches, so we sat around the kitchen table, where so many important family decisions had been made, like where to go on holiday etc. Not much was said. I think we were all lost in our own memories of Dad.
Uncle Paul seemed to be constantly on his phone. I know at one point he got very frustrated with the media because I overheard him say to someone, "Tell that scumbag reporter, that if I see him or anyone else anywhere near here, I will personally put a bullet between their eyes." The phone calls seemed to drop off after that.
Mum had called Marcia to let them know that Dad had died. They all wanted to come to the house, but Mum told them that we needed time to process everything and she would call them later. Of course Marcia wanted details to pass on to the guys, but Mum couldn't give her any yet.
I decided to lay down for a while and was startled when Belinda woke me 4 hours later. I hadn't even heard the helicopter she arrived on. We walked into the kitchen where Uncle Paul was setting out the food he had delivered. Allan was busy setting the plates. I noticed Mum and Jill sitting on the lounge talking quietly. When they saw me, they both came into the kitchen and Jill gave me a hug and told me how sorry she was about Dad. I thanked her, then we all sat and ate.
After the kitchen was cleaned, we adjourned to the lounge room. I had Allan collect a couple of tissue boxes, knowing they would be needed. Before I could start talking, Jill asked why she was here. I simply explained that what I had to share, involved her as well. I could see everyone was a little confused about that, so I told them what I had witnessed and how Dad had defended me with the sword.
When I told of the body count, Uncle Paul butted in and said they had found 2 more bikers outside with missing body parts, so the count was 17. It was when I got to Dads messages to everyone that they lost whatever composure they had left. It seemed that Jill was affected the most, as she was inconsolable for the next couple of hours. When I tried to apologize to Uncle Paul about Dads unfinished message to him, he told me not to worry, it was he who should have said something to Dad first a long time ago.
The next day, Aunty Flo showed up with a few other women. They made sure we ate properly and looked after our general well being. Most of that next week passed in a blur. I know Grandma and Grandpa Jones were there. Uncle Paul had organized legal representation for me when I finally gave my statement to the Federal Police. I had flatly refused to speak with the local cowards. (Oops, I mean cops).
Uncle Paul had convinced me to say I had seen Dad with a machete instead of the sword. He said with a wink it would be better this way. I had to agree. Two weeks after Dads passing was the funeral. I don't know if it was because of the media coverage, which had been consistent, or just how well Dad was known, but it seems the whole city had turned up. The ceremony had to be held at the local football stadium, and even then there wasn't enough room.
Marcia was sitting next to me when she drew in a sharp breath and grasped my arm. I asked her what was wrong, she pointed out two men who were talking with Uncle Paul. She explained who they were. Carlos Blanco and Yuri Huyong, the two biggest kingpins in the criminal world. It looked to me like Uncle Paul was laying down the law to both of them. The three of them eventually shook hands and Uncle Paul took his seat on my other side. Before Marcia could say anything, he said, "I will tell all of you later."
The ceremony was wonderful. It was Aunty Flo who delivered the eulogy, Uncle Trev having passed 2 years ago at the age of 77. The haunting sound of a didgeridoo in the background just added to the emotion. By the time she had finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. The funeral procession route to the airport was lined on both sides with people.
Dad was going to be buried next to great-granddad and Uncle Trev near their mine. We had chartered 3 helicopters for the trip, even though Uncle Paul had offered to take care of that for us. While we flew, Uncle Paul told us of his conversation with Carlos and Yuri.
When he saw both of them enter the grounds together, he was immediately concerned, knowing their mutual distrust of each other. When he went to confront them, they assured him they would cause no trouble. They were only here to show their support for the family of a man they both respected. They even pointed out they had no bodyguards with them. As they parted, Yuri assured Uncle Paul that retribution for Dad would be swift and very thorough.
It turns out Yuri was serious. The Bastard Bikers had over 400 chapters all around the world. Within 5 months, every one of them had been destroyed and most, if not all of the club members had been killed. I wasn't exactly sure how I felt about that. Uncle Paul rationalized it by saying each of them had chosen that lifestyle and knew there could be consequences. I had to somewhat agree with that.
All but 4 of us finished our nursing school, albeit 2 months behind schedule. The 4 girls who didn't finish were too traumatized by their experience to return to the school. Extensive counseling helped the rest of through everything. The school re-named that dormitory the 'Jack Jones Building' in his honor.
All but 3 of the local cops were 'let go' after the investigation. I think Uncle Paul might have put some pressure on certain people. It was revealed that the 3 police who stayed had actually tried to enter the building, but were restrained in handcuffs and placed in the paddy wagon on the orders of the local sergeant. I made a point of apologizing to them personally for calling them cowards. They graciously accepted it.
Mum made a point of denying permission for the council to erect a statue of Dad in the city square. We all agreed that Dad would never had wanted something like that. They did name a new children's park after him though. He would have loved that!
Uncle Mick and Marcia unsurprisingly ended up married with twins on the way. Rick and Uncle Mick run the workshop these days. They keep up Dads legacy of hiring those recently released from prison. Even the new office girl had served 2 years for assault on the scum who sold her daughter drugs. He won't sell anything to anyone ever again.
So i guess here is where I say, so long; adios; farewell; catch you on the other side; or even just an old fashioned goodbye.
********************************************************
Just to lighten the mood, a little humor:
What's the difference between a mistress and a wife??
When you're making love, your mistress says, "HARDER, FASTER, HARDER, FASTER!"
And your wife says, "BLUE! I think we'll paint the ceiling blue."
- COMMENTS
What a roller coaster ride that was, l thoroughly enjoyed it. By an Aussie too.
Scores 5/5 and into favourites
I couldn't read past page 4. The poor grammar, the use of pop culture names, the stupidity of the main character.
I had to check which site I was on before I continued. It's great that you are writing and putting out stories, but I have to say this doesn't belong in this category, or even this site. If you were trying for "The Shack" series, then I think you've made it. That's another bunch of stories that don't have anything to do with this site, but are incredibly popular. Perhaps the site should change it's name to Warerotica or something. That seems to be what most get off on around here.
Wow. Has to skim the last 2/3 rds of r story, sorry. Great effort, but it was just everywhere, yet didn't tie of any of the family loose ends.... Well, maybe the last page of two did....I checked out by then though.
I'd love to read a rewrite of this with more focus and an explanation of wtf happened to his shy wife....
Bravo, that was really good writing! A story that was not only entertaining, but also brought some things like morality, responsibility and loyalty back into focus.
And what is particularly important is civil courage.
Thank you for what must have been a lengthy work.
Quite the story by a an author who likes a little actions in his story. This was about a unique man who wouldn't take shit from anybody and loved his family a made them first on the list for love and consideration of their lives. 5 stars
5 stars from Xluckylee for a story written by an author with a great imagination. Some of the commenters complained about it being over the top but I love this kind of story. I look forward to reading more of your stories if they are anything like this one. This is what I enjoy in stories whether they are in writing or in movies. Thank you for writing what you want to share and not what you're critics say they want to read because I for one don't think they have an imagination open enough to enjoy great story telling.
Over the top in an entertaining way. Creativity and a lot of work went into this. Overall good execution. Easy 5. Much better than the trash served up today by the cucks and three well known authors.
Just awful writing. Tortured myself thru 6 pages and then bailed. unbelievable story lines. 2 for the effort. UGH!
Sorry, I had to give up around page 6. The story was all over the place, the story had just about everything plot wise that could possibly be thought of or could be written about was included. I think you managed to include every cliche and old saying ever used with the exception of "in and of itself" and maybe you did after page 6. I don't know because I gave up after that. 2-stars.
You started off with using just about every cliché ever used on Literotica. It got better in the last few pages.
So, well done for the amount of time and effort taken to produce this story. However, where was the loving wife story? His wife only seemed to be introduced as a means to write an action story. I kept waiting for him to talk to her to find out what happened. Where did her love for him go? Then she seemed to be a willing participant in the plot to ruin him with no concern about her family. At no time in the story did we ever find out anything more about her or hear her apology to her ex husband. By the end the only thing missing was the introduction of Clark Kent or Bruce Wayne.
I decided to give you three stars for the massive effort taken to produce the story but if you decide to write another loving wife story please remember to write about the wife.
We still don’t know what really happened between the ex-wife and the scumbag. Were threats or blackmail involved? How reluctantly was she helping him? For all we know, it might have started with threats to her family. However it started, she seemed to be all alone n and out in the open after her extended vacation with her boss.
I respect the effort, but it was a "difficult" read. Rambling narrative with minimal dialogue, plot lines that went everywhere but where they should have - Ugh. All that said, the last section by "Lizz" was really heartfelt and the highlight of the story. 4.3*
… with thirty seconds of actual sex. Story requires almost infinite suspension of disbelief.
Wow! What a crazy over the top entertaining as all
hell ball busting 5 star story!! Damn what an
imagination!!
I would have given this story five stars
but to recap the wife who planned to have him killed and or imprisoned and would have let her children be sold off in to sex slavery was given $5 million and not one talking to about what her lover had planned for her kids? and the kids kept her in their lives?
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I can even imagine having a relationship with a parent who planned to jail the other, let alone one so stupid as to set me up for a lifetime of rape
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if all of the threads dont make it through it ruins the tapestry
When he asked for the guns is when I bailed. Was getting sillier and sillier but hit absurd right then.
Nice technique and action story, but missing the most critical ingredient for a LW story. That would be the wife's story. Get it, Loving Wives? So what happened with his loyal loving faithful wife Jill? All I know is that she "lost the plot"? All the meandering pointless details, and essentially we still don't know why wife became a whore and assisted in a plot to murder her husband. But of course the stupid cuck urged his children to remain nice to woman who turned into a monster and wanted to eliminate their father. What a dumb shit.
\
And thanks for demonstrating the folly of disarming civilians and making people rely entirely on police for their protection. I'm sure the rape victims took great comfort from the cops who got fired, . . . , then went to other towns to become cops there. What a fucking farce. Thanks for the effort.
All I can say is way over the top. Probably why I loved it so much. Lol.
"...I never tried to hide any financial details and offered Jill a very generous settlement. $5million plus a small percentage from the mine, even though no Opal had been mined as yet. After the solicitors argued for 15 minutes, the Judge intervened and said he believed I was being overly generous, but if I was happy, he would sign off the settlement as is. Thus ended my marriage..." —
After all of Jill's lying, cheating, infidelity, conspiracy, aiding and abetting his enemy, the one who physically injured him. This is his idea of a fair settlement? All I can say is what has Jay been smoking? From what twisted logic does he think Jill deserves a $5 million dollar payday AND a continuing revenue stream from an opal mine she has no legal right to? If she walked away with a thousand bucks for each of her faithful years as his wife and a coupon book from Arby's she should have considered herself lucky! Jill was a cheating, scheming, shrew of an adulterous woman. She 'deserved' nothing.
Well, that was over the top. I couldn’t figure out what the transaction was. Was it the ring? Samurai sword? I don’t remember that being big in the story. And the cowardly police…huh? Twenty bikers? International criminal organizations? A brother as Top Dog Soldier in Oz? A well trained dedicated cadre of skilled steel workers AND small arms, recon, armor, and an assault pioneer to boot… Twenty spear throwing aboriginal warriors going walkabout? Our hero putting together an insurrection / coup team?🤓
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I was wondering if our hero is based around Newcastle, given the property is 6+ hour drive from the homestead? Black opal is usually from NW NSW, so …? Or is this just muddled fantasy Oz rather than geographically accurate Australia?
.
I enjoyed it but paradoxically, it was too short for what it needed to do. Why dad carks it when he has all the cool workmates (see first paragraph) is unexplained. The two sentence conversation between our hero and his wayward wife at the end? Why bother? And that would have been interesting as a way to measure change in our hero. As a stand alone OTT tale ? I enjoyed it. But as a journey of growth of an OCD individual? Nah, but that wasn’t the goal. Thank you for the read!
I give this amazing tale 5 stars, with no questions or reservations, regardless of any comments on its length, complexity, or minor errors made by others.
The character development and intricacies of the various relationships were carried out well and thoughtfully.
To write a story like this takes a dedication and commitment that is well demonstrated, and I disagree with those who complained of its length.
Again, to me, this is a five-star tale that was also...
...VERY nicely done !
Good story. I usually speed read stories on this site, especially long ones. Couldn’t on this one, you miss too many details. Over the top, but I believe that was the point.
I like a long story, but this was utterly ridiculous and over the top which I suspect was your goal.
Didn't seem like one story, it was a bit convoluted and way too long for the point that it made.
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing, right?
Anyhow, author has embraced the completely divorced from reality (and laws of motion and thermodynamics, apparently) in a manner akin to a lot of anime stories, albeit without the pictures.
One minor note, the term is "Coup de grace," with a circumflex accent over the "a." " Coupe de gras" sounds like a bloated Cadillac model from the 1970s.
Looking forward to your next journey into a galaxy far, far away.
I lost interest by page 3. I skimmed the rest got to page 11 and realised that I just didn't care as it was one giant cliche followed by a whole lot of so what and finished by some really badly staged violence. I won't be reading this writers stories again.
Man, whst the hecj did I just read.
It all started with a guy who cab fix anything but can't anything to do with computers. Then got married had kids and then wife git into an affair with her boss -- this was supposed to be the main plot but then the writer got some inner inspiration from sone bad spirit and the story went into Janes Bobd mode I mean the story plot just spun out of control and was all over the place to the point the plot about the wife's infidelty got buried to obscurity at the end I thought I was reading another story
A tale with a too much cartoonish MC, behaving like he was a superman, but acting like an idiot. Almost all of the characters appear like coming from a marvel comic, where all kind of events are possible. All the many useless fillers, the high unrealism and the incoherence of the characters, made this tale a comic-tale happening in some other fantastic world. To make this tale better, add coherence and realism in the characters and the events.
Good idea for this plot but badly written. Too many unrealistic events here and there. Almost no confrontation with the MC's slut wife, and an almost ending RAAC, not only avoiding the due payback for her betrayal, but even giving her a lot of money and the ending forgiveness. All of this made an unbelievable, incoherent and unrealistic MC.
I liked where it was going at first, but then I had to force myself to finish it as it got progressively worse and worse.
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To be blunt, your plot was all over the place, you switched directions a couple of times, extended it far past when the reader (at least this reader) was over it and ended it on a downer that didn't make much sense.
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Furthermore, Jill should be in jail - she committed several crimes, having her be awarded millions of dollars in the divorce (even if he had more) and basically fuck off consequence free was an afront to the readers.
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I'm giving you an average score because you put a lot effort into this, but man you need an editor. If you can't get an editor, at least thumbnail the plot out ahead of time and work it yourself before you start writing. I think you could probably put together a really good story, but you need to focus and you need to understand how the flow of a story works, a story basically has 5 stages: exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. You should have made the showdown at the mine the climax (it was) then the divorce from Jill and the family fallout the falling action, then finally moving on with Alice the resolution. The story would have easily been shorter, easier to read and frankly, better.
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Anyway, keep at it.
So with all that drama and evil and plotting he simply just divorces the wife and gives her a ton of money and a share of a profitable mine? He doesn't toss her to the crocs as well?
What a let down.
Sometimes over the top can be fun, so I have nothing against it in general. This was probably the most over the top story I have ever read on this site, which is saying something. It was silly, and kind of fun, but 6 pages in I finally gave up as instead of me caring about what happened to any of the characters, this just seemed like an exercise in how many over the top cliches could be squeezed in. I gave up after the shop guys had friends that were professional snipers. Just too much for me. Maybe if it was shorter? As it was, I couldn't imagine toiling through 6 more pages of progressively outlandish storylines. I did give it 2 stars as it wasn't horrible, but can't give it a higher rating if I am not interested enough to finish the story.
Fun read. Highly entertaining. That said, considering this was an LW story any actual plot or dialogue involving Jill was suspiciously missing.
Had there been meaningful interaction and dialogue between the MC and Jill I would have happily given this a 5 despite multiple instances of incorrect words being used by the author.
Thanks for sharing
I am going to have to give you a penalty for piling on.
This should have been three stories with recuring characters.
But, you lost sight of your story which is the relationship Jill and the MC.
Keep writing.
OUTSTANDING story. With Captain James T. Kirk and Spiderman involved, what else could it be? All aside, it was OTT, but it IS fiction and a very good read. Well done. Looking for more from this author.
Thanks for sharing,..
Very entertaining read! Death by spear was a new one for me in this category;) I thought the first wife “got off “ a bit light for her betrayal.
Anyway thanks again.
Just an endless amount of setup with no reward. I tapped out at around page 5 or 6 and skimmed from there but still really didn’t see anything interesting. Good writing actually just no sense of pacing or plot advancement, really needed an editor.
This story seems like it has a lot of potential, you clearly have some big ideas and an imagination.
However, in the first four pages lots of stuff... occurred? without much explanation or real investigation with results given to the reader. Then, on page 5, something happened to our protagonist, (beep, beep, beep, then wakes up in the hospital) and this is not really explained in the next several paragraphs, and I stopped caring. It was one more raised, but unresolved, issue.
Might I suggest a checklist or outline when you are writing, as the unresolved/ partly described things really add up in an infuriating way.
Also, get an editor. Plainly, you CAN write, but you cannot edit a story.
...very nice and well described....may be a little bit too long for my taste....but I gave it a nice 5
This could of been much shorter. Confront the wife immediately instead of letting it go on. Nip it in the bud before she cheats. Then if she goes ahead divorce. Simple solution but sadly lacking in most cheating stories here.