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Click hereI still didn't say anything as I stood, silently praying my legs wouldn't give out as I walked to his door. I remember I looked back over my shoulder at him, before heading back to my bedroom. I had no idea why I had done what I had done, but as I curled up in my bed that night, I was smiling as I drifted off to sleep, the image of my brother sitting hard on his bed in my mind.
- COMMENTS
Rated this one as a 4*, Will's perspective as a 5*. Maybe I'd rate it the other way around if I read them in different order. I love the concept of a parallel views in a story, but here the exposition is so small in both versions it's basically a retelling of the same with almost nothing to separate either (injecting Allie's reasoning into Will's story might have been a mistake in that regard). Too bad both stay at 1st chapter half a year later...
Still, the writing is really good, no grammar errors (except a "herself" where there should have been "myself"), style quite polished, so a solid 9/10. Keep up the good work
To the two anonymous commenters saying Matt wins in the end and that Matt gets Allie, they have two kids - did you read the story? Her husband’s name is Mark, that’s who she has the two kids with. Jeeze. Great story, love how it’s from your perspective, Allie, and how we also got Will’s from
His perspective. Ignore the naysayers and keep it up! I can see how this will have a happy ending for all involved. Outward appearances kept up, but still fucking each other on the side? Hot.
A copy of someone else’s story? This is derived from a role play that Will and I started and decided we wanted to write/publish. And never talk to your own sister because she gave another man head?? You sound like you are real fun at parties. Thanks for the feedback <3
Don't even bother writing a follow-up. We already know what's going to happen. eventually they get around to screwing and tell each other how much they love each other but Matt still gets Allie (they have two kids), so her brother is just shit out of lucky playing the side guy. They probably say something like "we knew we would never be able to be together like we wanted to be, so we decided to see other people but continued to fuck off and on when we could" NO happy ending. As a matter of fact, endings like that suck because if they really loved each other they would have found a way to be together with each other the way it was meant to be.
This is a copy of someone else's story.
Personally, if I were Will, I'd have beat Matt within an inch of his life for breaking his promise. It didn't matter why. And I'd never be talking to Allie ever again. Maybe never see her again because of that BS. Which mena sthis story never would've happened. It's a rather stupid premise to begin with. 1*
Well obviously they hook up but don't stay together and apparently Matt won in the end. Just another sad ending where they don't end up together.
I like where this story is hopefully going. Oh, yea, grow that pussy mound out to a sexy full bush for your brother to completely bury his face in in a few months.
I gave you a five for your descriptiveness. "I turned on the shower and took care of the basic things first. I shaved my legs, and underarms, and trimmed up my little patch of black hair between my thighs. I knew some girls that would shave it all off, but for some reason I liked the little bit left, I don't know why. I still do." You leave it there because it is beautiful there and it makes your story work and seem realistic. Moreover, it's there because ladies with chaffed razor burnt skin, stubble growing from pimples, infected and ingrown hairs that produce boils; is just plain dammed sickening.