All Comments on 'Reunion'

Enough already with all the "..." throughout the story. Seems every time the author's mind slowed it was ... to get it back on track. Go back to grade school and learn proper writing again.

some of us get hung up on punctuation. I do myself, but if it gets the author's idea/feeling accross, do it the way you want. I, personally, don't see any problem with the ellipsis usage by this author (and it is a fully accepted and acceptable use of the device).

Ellipsis (plural ellipses; from the Ancient Greek: ἔλλειψις, élleipsis, "omission" or "falling short") is a series of marks that usually indicate an intentional omission of a word in the original text. An ellipsis can also be used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought, or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence (aposiopesis). When placed at the end of a sentence, the ellipsis can also inspire a feeling of melancholy longing. The ellipsis calls for a slight pause in speech.

The most common form of an ellipsis is a row of three periods or full stops (...) or a pre-composed triple-dot glyph (…). The usage of the em dash (—) can overlap the usage of the ellipsis.

The triple-dot punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot.

Ron

Dont listen to anyone that tells you this story is not good cause i think its a story you should go on with.

I enjoyed this story. Forget the grammar police and continue with this story.

Please continue the story. The writing was good. Character development was good. The story was genuine. Good job.

to unrealistic for me i stopped when she called and said why they stopped talking. a normal guy would have caller id and when he saw it was her would ignore the phone or if he picked it up as soon as he heard it was her he would hang up. keep it believable please people do not act this way fiction has to be believable if not it is fantasy and there is a seperate area for that.

Good points:

-It's short and to the point.

-Travis can admit he's aware she's attractive but it isn't a life-changing obsession for him.

-You gave some thought to Travis as a character.

-The sex is written quite vividly. Bravo!

Points to work on:

-Anastasia's a cartoon porno doll morphing into Safely Sexual Annie.

I can dig the mumsy vibe making her more emotionally accessible to our hero but I never get a feel for who she is as a person. We get Travis' reactions to her, which works as a reflection.

-We hear of her physical dimensions but not her mental horizons or other accomplishments/aspirations.

-What prompted their harsh separation?

-What prompted her to seek out her brother for a romantic interlude, whom she dismissed pretty harshly?

I know we're discussing porn and want Annie and Travis to shag like happy monkeys. You got there and the sex is hot, but I'm left wondering- why?

Is sex with her brother part of a bucket list, due to an inoperable brain tumor?

Is sex with her brother an curiosity she had to explore or has she burned all her bridges wherever else she went?

Has she become so emotionally burned out with bizarre sexual antics that the only relationship she wants anymore is honest, loving sex with her brother?

Once she gets some, what then?

I mean, the brother-sister sexual curiosity isn't a total ass pull. You set up how Travis feels about Annie pretty well, but I'm puzzled as to what flipped Annie's switch to suddenly set up a romantic interlude with Travis the (comparatively) homely semi-successful brother?

-What was their family life like before she became a bombshell?

None of this needs five pages of backstory. A sentence or two can hint plenty. Another thing, showing, not telling is tough but worth the effort.

You managed to get me to read the whole story and want more for and from your characters which should be a four-star story in and of itself. My main bitch is Anastasia as a character needs more work more than anything.

If writing female characters is tough for you, solicit some input from female readers, editors and so forth.

Read some works by female authors about women.

Observe and interact with women and try to cultivate a sense of empathy for what how and why they do things the way they do in their cultural and biological context.

None of this is something that you'll do in the next five minutes but an organic process of absorbing and sifting and testing hypotheses drawn from a lot of input over years to gain some insight so the characters you draw and thing you make 'em do in the plot make sense/ring true.

This is very weak! This would have written like a 6 year old child!

Your off to a good start, slow down a little, develop your characters a little more.

Thanks for the second story look forward to more...

delete both stories and do a total rewrite on them using all the comments from the readers and USE A GOOD EDITOR. both stories are way to rushed and have huge holes in the plots. this one is way to unrealistic as is slow down and give us a reason to want the siblings to get together and a reason for us to care about them. you obviously havn't read to many stories here and sure havn't read to many comments. start over and think before writing and posting.

please listen to the readers and do a rewrite on this story it needs a lot of help. first it needs some more back ground as to why they stopped talking and why he forgave her so fast. second it needs to be slower once they are at the cabin what you had happen in one day should be spread out over a week or more. the old lets cuddle because it's cold thing is boring find a better way to get them involved. over all not that good get a good editor and do a rewrite and listen to the readers.

why did they stop talking ? why did he agree to go on the trip so fast? why did he give into her so fast? why didn't you finish the story? what is the rush are you going on a date? slowdown and build the plot and characters personalities. try answering the questions and as said before delete and rewrite and include all answers to all questions. and please find a better editor if you even used one.

The story had a nice ring to it, but if it was for a weekend, how did all this happen on the night before the last day? Didn't understand the noise of the heating system shutting down, but perhaps it ran out of propane or heating oil, whatever. The idea of an isolated cabin would not normally have electrical service in the mountains of Washington state, so the concept doesn't strike me with the ideal of a great story. Been in those mountains many times and that's the basis for my comments. Oh well, it is a fantasy story so I'll accept it for such, but too many things not right to go more than the 3 rating I gave you.

Damn shame......

It's good but unfinished. Not only the end. It's missing parts in between too. I hope you finish it, because I liked it.

Cinco Estrellas! Not nearly long enough.

No creampie warning about the closeted fag brother? Shame on you.

Great story. Definitely unfinished. Please work on it some more! I read your first story too it too was good but still needs more.