by DeYaKen
was terrible! The story was all over the place, with almost no coherence. The author's first step should be to learn English grammar, then practice with simple sentences. Maybe someday he can try a paragraph . . . .
and there is always a but, it does stretch credibility a tad bit. Two women that are after the same man decide to share him? That's my fantasy, but not a reality in my life, because for some reason, I am always pursued by very selfish women, damn it!
yes ,you could use some help editing etc,
BUT I think you have great promise,
I liked it
And by the way its funny people that want to bag you always seem to be A nony MOUSE
A guy with slow sperm fathering 4 children?? His wife after a decade and a half of marriage suddenly goes into ' oral drive' after being indifferent at best to this practice????
Then self- same spouse and his new lover decide to cement this run of luck and become sister-wives and share bed and board ?? My arm would be black and blue at this point from self applied pinches to see if I was dreaming.
This was a well written tale ,I admit. I only wish it was non fiction so I could give Harry money to buy lotto tickets cuz' da ' brudda' be on a serious roll!
nice recovery, Harry ended up with both women and a bigger family. Nice touch.
A great read and written very well. Of course now we have to badger you into writing something else that's equally good. Great job SS06
Well written and all the loose ends tied up neatly. Every once in a while I like a story where the downtrodden male gets his just rewards and in this one he got them on a golden platter.
Fantasy and plausibility are not entirely consistent all of the time. "Harems" make sense to me if the women are bi - which is not in this story, but seems almost plausible.
What does seem implausible is that none of the children are by the other guy... but possible, I guess.
Nice story - a bit sweet at times, but it is really a romance.
Green-something
The story resolution was a real cop out. Instead of making a difficult choice in either dumping Sarah or Susan, you made a menage à troi. The resolution thus is not believable at all. Real life doesn't work that way.
As to Harald fathering his children: the use of a turkey baster was never foolproof. But more importantly the fact Susan kept the seamen in the fridge for some time before actually using them was probably the main reason... A normal fridge is not a good place to keep sperm alive. Thus the fact Harry is the real father is not unthinkable at all.
All in all, you're a talented writer. Although all work can be improved. Just don't let the critics chase you away.
Since everything in this story is fantasy, I can live with the unusual tolerance between the two "wifes". I sort of awaited something like that, and the whole outcome to the sad beginning gave me a good feeling.
Unlike other commenters, I think the writing and grammar is better then that of many other writers on this site.(But beeing not a native speaker, my opinion on this might be not so relevant.)
Considering it's a first story: 5*
both versions of your tale are totally acceptable even though British. great job.
I've always wondered which would be worse, having an extra hole in my head or living with two women. Although I enjoyed this fanciful story (who wouldn't?), some of the contrivances were...a bit contrived. Still, this is a great story.
A little like a fairy tale for a storyline, but a lovely story, and written by a good storyteller.
Best of all was the happy ending, and the thought of him trying to keep two beautiful and horny women sexually satisfied.
But of course, he would probably get Susan pregnant again, and hopefully both Sarah and Susan would become pregnant several times in the years to follow.
I really enjoyed reading both chapters.
Thanks for the great read.
Thanks for the story, it was quite enjoyable. I didn't like Harry through. He had this woe is me attitude throughout and tried to shoulder the whole situation on his own, when he had a good support network that would have understood and helped him out.
I don't know whether not wanting to let the secret out was a matter of pride, or "think of the children," but I think it is wrong. Here he is, facing this situation where he didn't know for 15 years, yet he's perfectly fine with hiding it from everyone, including his mom/brother. It's implicit acceptance of Susan's action, because he thought the same erroneous thing. It's not true that being hidden from the truth is for your own good. If after going through this exact situation himself, he is comfortable with hiding it from his mother because she might possibly not accept it, well he is doing the same thing to her that his wife did to him.
So if that is his thinking, he should not be a little bitch and wimp, and just get back together with his wife since they loved each other so much.
I am glad the situation worked out, but it was a real cop out, everything worked out for everyone, even the central problem turned out to not even be a problem.
To those who don't think this story is realistic, isn't that the point. HDK said it, it is a fantasy.
Of course that being said there are plural families out there. So it is not an unheard of situation.
For me, I just enjoyed reading the story. I didn't see the reason to over analyze it.
Although if I was a woman I would probably think differently.
It was a stretch too far and pushed it, as said, into fantasy.
But that said, I liked the story and hope that you continue to write for a long time....maybe with an editor. Also, check your homonyms. I don't correct one time errors. I correct consistant errors.
Loved the story, even with the menage at the end. You hadn't used the SOD (Suspension of Disbelief) card until the end and you did it very well.
You took a wonderful story and pissed it all away. Why is it that so many stories here find the same solution to this type of a problem. I know that many men see this as a fantasy, but in real life the two women would kill each other. And love as little to do with it when two women want the same man. You took a well crafted story about real life issues and shit all over it. Thanks!!!
The two parts feel like different stories but I like happy fluff too. So I'll forgive you :D.
Sorry to all the neigh sayers out there, but I thought the story was brilliant. Someone below said part one and part two seemed like they were from two different stories. I couldn't disagree more.
To me the story concluded as is should. Who wouldn't want to be fucking two gorgeous, devoted milfs, every day?
Even the wife that cheated, didn't. She used a turkey baster for fucks sake, and the method failed anyway!
Okay, he was lied to. Fine. He made the wife suffer for it while he was still getting his rocks off anyway!!! What else do you want?
Top story dude. Want more from you!
then you're on the wrong web site! This may not be a very likely ending to the story, but it sure is a happy one for ol' Harry! Hard not to imagine him enjoying the two sexy women who are devoted to him and let him fire off his "canon" (Sorry, DYK, but there are two Ns in "cannon"!) whenever and wherever he wants.
So--is it likely? No! Was it enjoyable to read? Certainly!
Thanks, ohio
where all people violate their own sanctity and lifestyle. TK U MLJ LV NV
I gave it five stars, but did not like it,,, To me people just do not behave that way.
They find reasons to seek advantages and try to be one up just as the arch enemy did at the beginning of the chapter. Thus the harmony just would not last. Obviously the appearance of his fourth child left him completely screwed... Nothing he could do would avoid enormous problems.
And it is afterall only a story. And poligamy does exist both in Utah and British Columbia. Thanks for the good read Ken. And I do get it. My Mom was a Scot. Jim
If you don't like critique, why in hell do you publish this garbage??
There are a number of negative comments which have been left. Only racist comments like your two previous posts are, and will continue to be, removed.
It takes me less time to remove them than it takes you to post them, especially given your lack of literacy.
Strange how such comments are always left by people too gutless to even use a lit pseudonim. Only total anonimty can make them brave enough to post such things.
Anon writes, "If you don't like critique, why in hell do you publish this garbage??" First, you might notice that not all stories on this site allow feedback. An author wishing to improve his craft has to decide what level of feedback he desires. Allowing all feedback results in opening himself up to all manner of abuse from crackpots, morons, and anonymous fools (Yeah, that means you). Second, 'critique' implies a systematic evaluation not a semi-intelligible rant. Insulting someone is NOT a critique. Third, the correct question is, "If you don't like DYK's stories, why in hell do you read them?" I suspect it has something to do with the 'guess-I-told-him' thrill you get when you post your insults. You might wish to consider getting professional help.
.
DYK, I enjoyed your story, thanks for sharing it with us. It is amusing to see many posters pointing at implausibility in this story. Is it really any more implausible than all the 44 DD's and 12-inchers that populate so many other stories?
Closet cucks get off on cuck stories but hate themselves for it. Psychological self-loathing must be released and the manner they choose is flaming the story they just read and masturbated over. Much like the angry congressman bashing gays while smoking cock and buggering his interns.
Hot damn I was all devil eyes at his sudden return to the woman with the turkey Baster then you give him Sarah as well, gotta admit I loved the ending but also disliked it which is confusing the hell out of me. Well anyway keep on writing and thanks for sharing
lucky guy, gets the improbable result from a bad situation.. a fairy tale story but it could happen somewhere..
I enjoyed your story. And women do get pregnant using turkey basters...I worked with one who did. Keep writing. Thank you.
A very surprising twist at the end. Likelihood in real life: less than one per cent. Fun to read and fantasize about, though. Thanks for a great read.
One is because you don't have to register.
The other is so you can make comments that show how stupid or ignorant you are and their is no handle to identify you. So you can continue to make stupid and ignorant comments.
To the anonymous who said Harry is now Mormon, Mormons don't have multiple wives. They did for a short time when the Baptists were killing the Mormons in the 1800's. A lot of the Mormon women were without husbands.
They stopped that practice when it was made illegal. Some people should read their history books.
But this story... it was great! I don't see why some are so negative on it. So what if it is a man's fantasy ending. It was a good story. Better that than some of the crap that gets put out there.
getting a handle like "closetboy" or "cuckboy" identifies exactly who you are, what you do, where you live, friends, family, job, etc. Of course, if you have a working brain you realize how fucking stupid that is.
Think of the Ghurkas, Kali and others. Even Taj Mahal have been built by your countrymen. (maybe?)
Sometimes the imagination is better left alone to achieve its own solution. Yet, you were able to add enough dimension here to boggle a man's mind with problems that could only be dealt with through compromise in the end. But now, you may have to write a third chapter just to explain how it all turned out in the long run. When can we expect the sequel, the crystalysis?
Its a story of fiction. The name calling is juvinile. I myself am not an advocate of polyamourous relationships, but in this kind of a situation, given the circumstances? WTF, why not? The story was well written, few grammar errors. Little spelling mistakes, nobody gets paid for doing this stuff. It was a loveing wife story, even if it ended up with two loving wives. That would drive me insane, but I'm almost there anyway. Nice story DeYaKen.
Dint like the story. Thought he was too wimpish for a long period of time, the end kind of worked it out for him making him a stud, but it just dint make sense for a long period of time. He should have told his parents long back rather than being a villain for so long for not vault of his.
Maybe better editor would help. Good luck.
But I liked this one. Don't worry about the english teacher, she's just mad because cause the hood won't come off her clit and her batteries are dead.
LOL Elaine is in her own little world isn't she?
But it is a fun way to have poor Judge Harry Anderson be the big winner -
Frankly my dear, up until the last page of the 2nd chapter, I could not comprehend where this storyline was wandering. DYK, I must complement you for achieving a coherent ending to a very confusing story. That peak is a rare accomplishment even among paid writers using professional publishers.
As for the Velo motorbike, I sure as shootin' hope you get decent gas-shocks on it. Cause if I remember correctly, it has been a hell of a long time since I was on one, those damn things were real kidney punchers. And two of the riders are each peddling with only one over-medicated kidney each? There is nothing manly about stupidity.
I do have a problem believing that the rigid prigs described in this story would ever be able to change their opinions based on verifiable fact. Maybe the author knows a better class of in-laws then I have had the misfortune to experience.
Just as the BTB mob will twist the author’s writing to suit their prejudices and misogyny. They are a District Attorney’s wet dream on a jury. Whatever unsubstantiated rumors and unverifiable evidence the DA presents is swallowed whole by these gullible narcissists who have already determined to vote the defendant guilty against all the facts presented.
It really is a happy ending. I can't get myself to believe that this is a realistic ending, but it was a happy one. There no one on the planet earth that things work out this well for. However, because I fell in love with Sarah's character, I will accept it. I knew that she would be the odd one out. I hoped that you would have her find another love interest before she got the boot. This one works too. So glad she is happy.
Hi D Y K
I am writing to say that I have read most of the stories in this group and have enjoyed them all. Guess I am just an old romantic at heart and love happy endings. Yes it is some men's dreams to have an ending such as this, there are some who could not imagine having two women who love him deeply not to mention that the families and kids all fitted in together without prejudice. If you need an editor sometime look me up as I would get great pleasure in having the opportunity to pre read your stories. Keep writing and giving enjoyment to your readers.
I'm an old Romantic, and the burn and destroy school of thought gets a bit boring after awhile. A pleasant yarn, well told.
Although, quite incredible bordering fantastic, almost completely implausible but well presented and entertaining. The timing was perfect and the emotions well spent and voluminous. All the characters were vivid and tangible to actually care about. The dilemma had no easy out. Some authors would kill off a character for an easy ride but not this one. Although, a tough sell ending, it worked for me. Susan and Sarah, I cared deeply about and I wanted them to come out unscathed. Thanks for a well written story!!!
Not a fan of the poly ending. Additionally, it seems utterly miraculous that this guy would be the father of all three kids - especially given what she did each time. And of course, as potent as he apparently was, she only got pregnant by him after she met with the other guy and deposited his sample. Very hard to swallow.
Didn't really see the ending coming until Sarah got pregnant. Very entertaining story. Well done!
Fabulous story !
I would have like some detail on how the 3 interacted with one another, especially in the bedroom.
Do the girls get yo ne slightly Bi ! ?
I think of all the stories I've rated, only a handful have earned 5 stars. There were a few punctuational issues (I believe...though I certainly don't proclaim to be an expert by any means) but this was a wonderful read and a lovely story!!
I though the author might use the fact that she went on birth control after their last child to show she was still visiting Gary.
Since he was 'shooting blanks'.
I guess that wasn't the approach and wasn't needed.
Ratbuster
Not the ending I expected, but I am delighted the story turned out as well as it did. Thanks for a fun read. Cheers!
All kinds of time passes on the occasions where it's reasonable to assume hubby and her were having all kinds of sex... maybe an assumption but it doesn't seem unlikely...
On or about the three occasions where she turkey basters herself after jerking off the jerkoff for his sperm-laden cum she becomes pregnant... as if her husband's sperm has just been loitering around wasting time until they died... EXCEPT when they saw jerkoff's sperm heading for their maker's wife's egg... and THEN they've said, "Oh screw that!" and raced to impregnate said egg before the interloper could...
And then... some eleven years later... his sperm is floating along and sees this egg... and says, "You know, we haven't seen one of THESE in ages... let's see what IT'S all about." And presto change-o woman two gets pregnant in almost no time...
Sure, this story stretches Occam's razor past the breaking point... but yeah, I liked it anyway...if you can accept the odds of the various preggos occurring as they did, everything else follows just fine...
Plus, I'm a sucker for happy endings...
"No" he said "but she might be the reason you don't come back."
That’s not true – in fact, Sarah won’t be with him unless he decides first to leave Susan.
He should definitely tell his mother why he doesn’t want to be with Susan.
Sarah’s right – he should tell Susan that they are going to meet with her parents, and she is going to tell them EVERYTHING, or else he will proceed with the divorce and their only interaction will be around his visitation with the kids.
Alex made a good point – you could MAYBE excuse one time out of her desperation to have children, but once she had one she should have stopped her cheating, and yes, even without intercourse it WAS cheating!
It’s all well and good that Elaine accepts him NOW, but he shouldn’t have had to “earn” her respect. That’s PRECISELY why he didn’t want to tell them!
I don't find the final solution as hard to believe as others do. Both women were deeply in love with him, and knew he could never really be happy without one or the other. I DO have doubts about the three of them sharing a bed, that implies a degree of intimacy between the two women that I find HIGHLY unlikely!
, yes it is HIGHLY unlikely that not only does the guy with low sperm count get Susan pregnant 3 times, but each time only after she uses the turkey baster?
Wouldn’t he have failed at LEAST one of those times, and as Sarah showed, couldn’t he have succeeded at LEAST one time when she hadn’t used it?
Great, interesting, cool happy ending without going nuclear.....bill
I have just about read all of your stories and find them all very entertaining and worthy of a 5. I evaluate stories on whether or not they are enjoyable and a pleasure to read and to what degree.
this one Ken. I always like your writing and am happy to say that I still like most of your stories and for me that is good. I'm not sure that I'm man enough to have 2 wives. I'm pretty sure I'm not brave enough to have two wives, that's for sure.
Thanks for sharing your talent with us.
see there are more equally imp factors with sperm, all that is needed is one, not to say one will do, but even below normal can fertilze a NON-HOSTILE uterus, sperm motility is a key factor, nums are low but good motility, will get the job done just like seal team 6,
for a lay mans answet,when u jack off what u see is mostly food & protection for the sperm, color,smell,viscosity are vague guesses(taste too, for the ladies).
the primary reason any sensible gynaec will tell u is plain & simple STRESS.
u dont have to agree, but i do hold a medical degree.
so the reason am being defensive? may be i am overcompensating, trying to be macho or am just tired of trying to convince my best friend & her hubby who have been tryin since 3 yrs, but think that it has to be done correctly,with all the charting & logs. yet regularly find enough time time to get depressed & argue on silly things, all i can do now is smile.
So they're all going to live together as one big happy family? Until someone squeals to the Police about their living arrangements and takes the kids away from the cheating idiots. A truly terrible resolution to this messed up story.
the fact that it is just a story and you're given some latitude for that. What I found was that your quaint English verbage was a pleasant factor. Now I know that must sound odd to you since it comes from an American but I enjoyed that part of the tale. I got caught up with the characters and was intertained. Thank you .. Scotty
I cannot improve on chief3blanket's evaluation of this story. Thanks for your effort.
During Gary's exploits with prostitutes he probably caught something that rendered him sterile. The vasectomy he got later on was just locking the barn door after the horses had escaped.
He continues cheating after knowing the truth and doesn't care. He makes love to his wife and feels guilt for cheating on Sarah - What a dick. He is cheating on Susan with Sarah
In the 1st part he was in favour of AID and Susan did not cheat. Although she self AID'd with another man's sperm without his explicit consent I still think he went overboard with his reaction. And to feed his self pity he continued accusing her of cheating and at one stage of saying the cheating was ongoing.
I can see why he thinks so much of Sarah - she thinks and has the views of a man so he always agrees with her. One of the quirks of male authors - unable to have the female perspective. And the male in Susan's personality - continued taking all the blame and even allowing him to continue "shagging" Sarah when he came back home.
Despite the holes in the plot it was well written and an enjoyable read.
Great story, didn't see that ending coming. Nice to see a story in this category end on a happy note for a change.
Some are debating whether or not realistic. When it comes to a story being believable or not, all any author is responsible for is to create an environment that allows the reader the opportunity to suspend incredulity, however grudgingly. The author has to meet us halfway, well, maybe a little more than that, but we are talking about using our imaginations here, aren't we? As readers, it's our responsibility to make that jump from disbelief to acceptance once the author has successfully provided us with the necessary tools.
For example: I would scoff and stop reading any story that suggested dinosaurs could be cloned just because some rich guy "hired the best scientists in the world and they figured out a way to do it because they're THAT awesome". However, if the author was to tell us about how dinosaurs could be cloned because biting insects were caught in amber back in the day, and then scientists drilled into the gut of that insect and pulled DNA from it, then provides some details about recombinant technology, etc., yeah, I'd read that story in heartbeat - and did - probably like most of us here. That author provided us with enough tools for us to suspend disbelief and go along with him to enjoy the story (and the eventual blockbuster movie).
I think DYK gave us enough to accept the story as presented, at least he did for me. Yeah, we could nit-pick it to death if we wanted to, like any other story, but we're supposed to use our imagination to fill in some of the missing details, right? Susan was on the pill, got off the pill to try and start a family, didn't get preggars right away so she started tracking ovulation and etc. Then she got desperate and stupid and collected the other sperm and would then inject it, but only a while after making love with her husband. Susan said, "I always gave you a head start Harry, I really wanted them to be yours." Then, after the baby was born, she got back on the pill until they were ready for another. Remember that after the first baby, Susan didn't have to try, and try, and try, hoping she'd get pregnant. She thought she had a fool proof method so the babies could be "planned" rather than take 'em whenever the stork brings them.
I thought it was a great story with a happy (if fanciful) ending. I wouldn't have ended the story that way, but it was nice. Remember: "Where do you think I have been going this last month?" Susan asked, " Sarah has been giving me the treatment she gave you and we have become like sisters. Add to that we have something in common. We are both deeply in love with you."
This is another moment where it's our job (as readers) to suspend disbelief, use our imaginations to fill-in-the-blanks, and maybe be a little generous with our interpretation of DYK's writing: Susan and Sarah are TOTALLY having sex with each other too! :^)
This is a porn site, right?
I'm not even into polyandry or any form of multiple partners and loved this story.
Well done!
I know this is suspended reality.....but this was the most, hilarious and best possible ending! Thanks for the great read and laughs! 5*
I'm not jumping up and down as other commenters about the ending to be honest.
The polyamours family thing is not of my liking. Of course your writing and storytelling is superb. I truly enjoyed reading this story. However I think you went into a fantasy ending because you took the cowards way out. It takes really a lot, to believe that a man like Harry would gladly accept something like this. Of course it's a male fantasy, and we are all smiling about how good he things turned to be in the end for Harry, but it's really weakened the story and your heroe.
Well, after all he did end up raising Gary's children didn't he?
Not a story to be treated as anything other than an over the top comedy of errors. What attracts a woman to a particular man is a mystery that I've never quite managed to solve and I am certainly no wiser having witnessed Susan and Sarah's obsession with Harry who - like most Literotica husbands - makes decisions ahead of the facts, thinks with his dick, abandons his children, operates on double standards and has the sensitivity of a flying brick. Entertaining nonsense - but nonsense nevertheless.
LA
Fairy Tale! That's the beauty of a work of fiction. You can do with it what you wish. "Much Ado About Nothing". All the children were his. 5*s.
Thanks for such pleasure filled reading. Wish more than 5* were possible.
...than the way chp. 1 left things. Thank you for sharing your stories with us.
A physically mild (not weak) man with the courage to do everything as “right” as he can. And in the end wins ALL the marbles.
Not the first time this has come up in a story before. Guess I have to go searching for it in the other story(s) to see if it is a British-thing.
In my neck of the woods an engineer is right up there, in the salaried professional world, with anyone in at least a middle management white collar position, or someone just under MD in the medical profession. Maybe it’s just the “Silicon Valley” socio-economic setting I’ve lived in for the last 30 years.
... I was an “Assistent Medical Services Custodial Engineer”, i.e. I was a hospital janitor. I cleaned toilets, mopped piss spilled from full catheter bags, cleaned shit from floors when patients pooped themselves during physical therapy (only happened twice, but stil...). No, shit (oh, a pun); that was my title. Now, if it was that vs. a social worker (as is the case of the guy her family thought was a “social better” than him) I could understand. It wouldn’t be “right” but I could understand a parent wanting their college educated daughter marrying elsewhere.
Not that that being a janitor is bad. Heck, it helped pay my tuition and books. Most of the people I worked with were good people (except my asshole super who really who gave all the college kids who worked under him a nasty time). (My mother was a waitress for 20+ years and put three kids through college) And I knew several of the older workers were putting their kids through school, and paying rent or mortgage to keep their kids clothed and fed. You do what you have to do to live. But janitor vs social worker vs mechanical engineer. You figure it out.
She cheated and cheated and cheated
1 attempt which she believed worked possibly forgive
3 times no way
WHile I loved the plot and the characters for the most part, portions of this little 2-part ditty felt flat and unfinished; glued in just to fill a spot in the telling.
Rated Part 2 at 4*.
I see some commentators didn't care for this one but I think it was a great solution, especially for Harry. I am making my way through all your stories and am mostly loving them. Keep them coming, yeh Ken?
Awesome finish to a great story. I like happy endings. All the best......
"I took a robe into Alex"
But that is child abuse!
On a serious note, what a nice cheery ending. Susan attempted paternity fraud, but in the end, did not succeed. Husband believed her flaky story (I still find it fishy), loved her and their family too much to run off with Sarah, and in the end, wound up in a supposedly loving 3-way relationship. Well, all is well that ends well, I guess. Sure left this reader with a good feeling, so thank you for that.
But still, that story with the 3 lingerie clad hand jobs... It just doesn't ring 100% true. Why would the dingdong do it for a couple of hundred buckaroos, spread out over several years, when he supposedly had this amazing meal ticket through his wife? That is just one of many questions surrounding that sordid tale.
But hey, now that our hero has two wives competing for his attensions, does he really need the first one to be 100% trustworthy? Second one is even hotter and younger... Sounds like the perfect insurance plan, does it not?
She waited till most fertile to insert semen and yet all 3 times it didn't take?!
Sex is still sex hand jobs count. Dressing up in lingerie for other than spouse cheating
3 times and thinking it is not husband!
And he believes she doesn't want to hurt him?
WIMPY CUCKOLD
Great story. But no doctor should ever refuse to test for a kidney match no matter how low the odds. Doesn't make sense strangers donate kidneys all the time.
Interesting conclusion. The ending kind of delved into the fantasy realm in that Susan and Sarah decided to share Harry and transform their relationship into a polyamorous relationship with Harry in the middle as the linchpin.
Interesting, but two wives are better in fantasy than in reality.
Wow! I must admit I was torn with which of the women he should go with. Boy you pulled this out at the end. Great job! Wish I could go higher than a 5.