All Comments on 'Softball Tryouts: Strike One'
by ferretonpills
- 15 Comments
Well that was fun, The shower scene certainly took me by surprise but in a good way. Looking forward to how this develops in Part 2. Five well deserved stars.
Well you had a few softball details wrong, and Clemson never even sniffed at an NC in softball, but none of that took anything away from the story. Very well written and HAF. One can't ask for anything else in an erotic story except maybe.. more please. 5/5 stars.
Dewey Cheatham
Loved it! Though personally I would drop the ALL CAPS parts. Just write normal.
Great story. Love the competitive tension between the characters and very interested to see how/where it goes. You gave us a taste with the shower scene, so now I am salivating. Oh, and nothing personal, but keep the CAPS. When doing multilevel dialogue, it is often difficult to indicate 'internal dialogue' from "external comments" (some try to do that with italics, but that is more confusing). Same for trying to convey either the volume of the dialogue or the intensity or both. The CAPS add the volume and intensity "at another level" which adds to the depth of the story and the encounters between the characters. Can't wait for Ch.2. YUM! :-)
I loved it too!!! Having lived the girl’s softball scene as a male coach, I thought the antagonistic competition was fairly realistic, the shower room fist-fight and subsequent sex scene might have been over the top… but as a dude, what the hell do I know?? Going to finish this series this weekend and excited to do that!!! 5- Star first chapter!!
If you're from Florida, I'm the Cookie Monster. No one in Florida calls the college in Gainesville, Florida University. If you think about for about five seconds, you'll figure it out (FU). It's the University of Florida or UF. Also, you could have picked any town along US 27, like Sebring or Lake Wales or Avon Park, rather than making up Wayside. Also, I've lived in Florida for the past 25 years. Mullets disappeared years ago. It's just too damn hot to wear long hair most of the year. Do Floridians like their guns, hell yeah! But to use that term, Gunshine, when she moved to Frisco, Texas, is either wonderfully tongue-in-cheek or totally lacking in awareness. Now, repeat after me, research is your friend. Say it over and over again.