Sweet Ass Pt. 08

I had just ordered my second beer, and was watching the game on the screen above the bar with one eye when someone asked, "Hi, aren't you Jamal's friend?"

I turned to find a beautiful Asian girl smiling at me. She looked familiar, but I couldn't place her at first.

"It's Nadim," she said, extending her hand. "Don't feel bad, I forgot your name too."

Of course! Nadim was the girl that we met in the elevator on my first visit to Jamal's condo. She and her roommate were neighbors of his in the building he lived in just four blocks away.

"It's Randy." I replied as I shook her hand and smiled at her. "It's nice to see you again."

We made small talk for a few minutes, and I bought her a drink when I noticed that her hands were empty. She was really easy to talk to, and we had Jamal as a convenient subject common to both of us.

"So, was that your wife that was with you and Jamal when Brenda and I met you?" Nadim eventually asked with a twinkle in her eye.

I nodded, but my smile turned into a frown as I remembered where Amy was even as we spoke. Nadine picked up on it and made an obvious attempt to change the subject. I told her it was okay, we were just going through some difficulties. I explained that it was nice to talk to her, and that she was taking my mind off of my other issues.

Nadine said, "Hey, Brenda is with me tonight along with some other friends, at a table by the window. Would you like to join us?"

I smiled again and said, "That would be great, if you don't mind."

Nadim said, "Of course I don't mind. I have to warn you though, Brenda thought you were pretty hot when we met. She was actually the one that put me up to coming over to talk to you."

I glanced in the direction she had indicated, and recognized Brenda when I spotted her. She was tall and thin, like Nadim. She kind of resembles Keira Knightley. When she saw me looking her way, she glanced away, but a smile flitted across her lips.

I let Nadim lead me to their table, and on the way there my phone buzzed. I saw that it was Amy, and told Nadim I was going to take a call, then I would join them. The band was between sets, but it was loud in the main room of the bar. I answered and asked Amy to wait while I found someplace I could talk to her from.

I went through a door that had the restroom sign over it, and found some quiet in the hallway outside the restrooms.

"I just wanted to let you know I am home." Amy said.

"Oh, okay. I am at the bar near Jamal's house."

"Is he with you?" she asked.

"No, he wasn't home when I called." I replied. "I came by myself to have a drink."

Amy said, "Okay, well I will see you when you get home then."

"I'm on my way. Please stay there until I can talk to you about this."

Chapter 40

I entered our house and found Amy in the kitchen, washing up a few dishes in the sink. I walked up behind her and put my arms around her, burying my nose in her hair and breathing in deeply to commit her scent to memory.

She dropped the towel she was holding and spun around to wrap me in a fierce hug. I felt her chest heave as she sobbed silently against me.

"I am so sorry," she gasped, "I am at my wits end. I just don't know what to do anymore."

I steeled my nerves to carry out the plan I had put together over the previous four days of hell that we had endured. Looking at the anguish on her face, I knew we had finally reached a point in our relationship where I needed to take charge and tell her what to do. That didn't make my task any easier.

"Now, now, baby," I began, "stop beating yourself up. I hate this problem as much as you do, and it hurts me to see you so unhappy. I think I know what we need to do to get past this."

She examined my face, uncomprehendingly. I tried to muster a brave smile.

"I think we need to separate for a while, so that you can explore your feelings for both me and Nathan."

She slowly shook her head with a look of disbelief on her face.

"Hear me out," I continued. "I have given this a lot of thought. It's been the only thing I have thought about for the last four days, as a matter of fact.

I started out working on strategies to convince you to stop seeing Nathan. I have already begged you to do it, and even entertained coercion or shaming you, but I realized that although it might work, any method that I use to keep you from seeing him again will just leave you in this state of emotional uncertainty. You would always wonder what your life might have been like with him if I did that, and it would be a corrosive element to our love for the rest of our lives.

That's why you need to go and be with him for a while to know for sure."

With that, Amy really broke down. She wailed and her body sagged, and I grabbed her to keep her from falling.

I helped her to a chair, and she tried to say something, but she couldn't stop crying. I hugged her and got her a drink of water.

She finally got herself under control, and moaned, "I knew it. I fucked things up so bad you want a divorce."

"Absolutely not!" I said, a little louder than I intended. "I want you desperately. I can't imagine life without you, but I also can't imagine the rest of my life with you in the state you have been in for the past week. I felt that I lost my hold on your heart before you ever told me about Nathan, and I can't live with that any more than you can live without knowing your feelings for sure."

We talked in circles for another hour before going to bed. Once in bed, we talked some more, but we kept coming back to the unresolved feelings she had for Nathan. We were both so drained emotionally that sleep eventually quieted her, and she fell asleep curled against me. I was again struck by the realization that this might be our last night together, and hugged her close, intending to stay awake as long as possible, but promptly joined her in my exhaustion.

The next morning, we both tried too hard to make things seem normal, and avoided any mention of the previous evening's discussion. We got ready for work, had breakfast, and we were both ready to leave before either one of us could even broach the topic.

I was walking towards the door with my backpack on my shoulder and my keys in my hand when Amy ran to me and wrapped me in another hug that literally forced the air from my lungs.

"If we do this, you have to promise that you will take me back," she said, her voice breaking. "I know I don't deserve you and I'm being a total bitch, but if there is any chance that you will divorce me I will quit my job and we can move away from here, somewhere, anywhere, I don't care...."

I kissed the top of her head and murmured to her, "You are saying that out of fear, not love, Amy. Here is my proposal. Tomorrow is the first of October. Let's agree that you have one month to explore a relationship with Nathan and make a decision. If it takes less time than that, you can come back sooner, as long as you are sure of your feelings. At the end of the month, if you decide that a relationship with him is where your future lies, just give me your engagement ring and I will understand your decision, and let you go. I only ask for the ring back because it's a family heirloom."

This brought a fresh round of sobbing from Amy, and I tried to comfort her as much as I could, but I was already late for work.

"Listen, just think about my proposal and any questions you have, and we can discuss it tonight. I am not kicking you out, or demanding an immediate answer, but I do need to be sure you won't ever regret staying with me if that is your choice."

Amy finally nodded, with her head bowed to avoid eye contact, and I left her and walked to my car. I placed the backpack on the passenger seat, started the engine, then broke into the uncontrolled sobbing that I had somehow held back for the last four days.

Chapter 41

I can't accurately recall the days leading up to Amy leaving our house. We talked over her fears, that I would find someone else, that I would file for divorce, that I already had someone else and plans to file for divorce...

I had to assure her that I was not going to do anything until I heard her decision. I even promised not to sleep with anyone else, which caused another round of self recrimination and tears on her part. I found myself in the bizarre position of assuring her that she was not being unreasonable in living with her old lover while I stayed faithful to her until she made a decision, but it was actually an easy promise on my part. I had been with almost as many different women since Amy and I got into the lifestyle as I had been before I met her, and I felt no attraction to them without Amy's approval and participation. I worried that I might never desire another woman if she left me.

She wanted to check in with me daily to make sure I was okay, but I pointed out the practical problems and emotional toll that would take on both of us. We finally agreed that we would only contact each other if it was an emergency, or of course, if she was ready to come back. I had to make her agree to that or I would have had a heart attack every time my phone rang or a message came in from her number.

We agreed that she would move out that Saturday. I told her I would not be there, so Nathan could come and help her move, but she really only needed her clothes. His house was fully furnished, and she told me that she didn't want any reminders of me there, or she would be crying constantly. That made me feel better for a little while.

Our friends all found out what was happening, of course, and they contacted me to express support. I thanked them and tried to impress on them that it was a mutual decision between Amy and I, and that she needed their support too. It was gratifying that most of the women I told this to expressed some version of Carol's opinion that Amy must be crazy.

Jamal invited me to his house to watch State play on Saturday, and we both got stinking drunk as Amy and Nathan were moving her into his place.

Jamal pointed out that his consolation when Alex left him was looking forward to resuming his relationship with Amy and I, something that I never considered in my own personal despair. He suggested that we pick up some girls that night and bring them back to his place, and I told him that I couldn't do that to Amy. Jamal just looked at me, dumfounded, and then raised his fist to his mouth to hide his emotion, saying, "This whole situation is just completely fucked up, man."

I stayed on Jamal's couch that night, unable to go home to an empty house. The next morning, Jamal and I were both barely functional before noon. We took Tylenol and went out for a late breakfast. I begged off spending the rest of the day with my friend, who suggested that we watch the NFL games together in order to keep me occupied.

When I got home, everything looked the same except for her closet and the right side of the double vanity. There were a few dresses left on hangers and I recognized all of them as things she wore that had special meaning for both of us. I glanced up and tears began rolling down my face. The box with her wedding dress was still there, but it had a new note taped to it that said "Do not discard!", with a heart next to it.

Chapter 42

The first week of my self imposed purgatory passed slowly, even though I threw myself into projects at work, and around the house. My friends respected my privacy, maybe a little too much.

I heard from Carol and she told me that she talked to Amy. I asked her how that went, and she said that despite her determination to tell Amy off, the girl had been so withdrawn and upset that she found herself trying to cheer her up. Amy was desperate to know how I was doing, and I told Carol to let her know I was fine. Carol expressed concern for both of us, and said she would pass on the message. I selfishly felt better knowing that Amy was not completely happy in her rekindled romance.

By the second week, everyone at my job had found out that Amy and I were separated, and they stopped in individually to ask how I was doing. Denise came in and shut the door, a pretty futile gesture in a glass walled cubicle, then came over and hugged me for about 10 seconds, without saying a word.

When she did release me, she said she was sorry about me and Amy, and suggested that I come along with the single group from the department that went out to happy hour to celebrate Friday eve every week. She said it was a pretty fun group and I might even enjoy myself.

I smiled and thanked her, and she just winked and left me standing there. As she walked out, several people at desks nearby tried to look busy, and Ron stuck his head in to say, "How you doing, guy? I'd give you a hug too, but I got a stiffy watching Denise hug you, so let me just do this," as he held out his hand for a fist bump before adding, "Let's do lunch. Hooters at 12:30. I'm buying."

I was still laughing as he gave me a wink and a thumbs up, and continued down the corridor.

Later that afternoon, Jamal called me. He asked how I was doing and suggested we get together for dinner. I thanked him and told him how grateful I was. Going home to an empty house was the hardest part of my day.

We made plans to meet at the place near his house.

"Listen," he said, "you should probably know that Amy is listed as off next week on the schedule at work. I have been talking to some of the nurses in Nathan's unit, and he has that week off too. One of his buddies said he is going somewhere with a new girlfriend."

He paused and there was an awkward silence, until I finally said, "Thanks, I'll see you tonight."

I called Carol and she picked up right away.

"Hi Randy, I am glad you called. I talked to Amy last night."

I asked how Amy was doing and Carol said she sounded better this week, almost cheerful.

I didn't want to interrogate Carol every time I called her, so I gave her a personal update, and asked how Brad was.

Carol saw through me and said, "Don't you want to know more about Amy?"

I sighed, and said, "yeah, I just don't want you to think that's the only reason I call you."

"Don't be an idiot, Randy. I would do anything to help you, baby."

She then told me that she finally had a long talk with Amy.

"The first week was rough for her and Nathan", Carol said. " Amy was withdrawn and Nathan tried everything to cheer her up. He finally had a couple they know come over, and Amy said it helped take her mind off of you. She also told me she has been avoiding Jamal at work, and she and Nathan are planning a trip together with this other couple to Lake Tahoe next week."

"Yeah, Jamal found out about that and just filled me in. Thanks."

"How about you? How are you doing?" She asked.

"This has been really difficult for me, Carol. I kind of expected her to make up her mind quickly, even though she might or might not come back to me. The longer this goes on, the more I worry."

"Well, I think there is trouble in Amy's new paradise. I can't get her to talk to me about her feelings toward Nathan or anything else about her relationship at all. I even suggested that they meet up with Brad and I for dinner, but she begged off with a bunch of excuses. My woman's intuition tells me that he doesn't want her to have anything to do with her old friend circle. I can't imagine her being happy with someone that controlling."

I thanked Carol for the update, and felt a little better with the knowledge that Nathan was showing some controlling tendencies. I knew that would really irritate Amy, then I began to have doubts about whether I knew anything about her for certain any more.

Chapter 43

The week that Amy and Nathan spent at Lake Tahoe was the hardest for me yet. My friends reached out to try and keep my spirits up, but I was despondent over the lack of contact with Amy, and the increasing likelihood that I had lost her.

Carol called me to invite me to yoga with her and Brad. She said Amy had not been to a class since we split, so she was certain I would be safe from bumping into Amy if I came along. I told her I appreciated her suggestion, but the class and people in it would just remind me of Amy, and I didn't want to risk an emotional breakdown in front of strangers.

Jamal called me and tried to convince me to meet him for a beer, but my spiraling despair made me say "not tonight". He eventually stopped trying to convince me, but made me promise to get together with him that weekend. I doubted that I would want to see anyone that weekend, since it marked the end of the month that Amy had to make a decision, and nothing was making me believe that it would be in my favor.

Then I came home to the package from her in the mailbox. I sat staring at it on the table for ten minutes before I could tear it open and look inside. Amy's wedding and engagement ring set fell out of the envelope, along with a folded note on hotel stationery from the Hyatt Regency in Lake Tahoe.

"Sorry about the mess I made. Thank you for your understanding." It was unsigned, but in Amy's handwriting.

My cell phone rang, ending my paralysis from reading the note, and it was Carol.

"Hi Randy, have you heard from Amy?" she asked.

I told her about the package, and she let out an audible gasp.

"I got a text message from her earlier this evening, and it said, 'I've made up my mind and am staying with Nathan. Please don't contact me, and ask Randy to leave me alone as well'."

"I have been messaging her and trying to call her since then, but I get no response. Her phone goes to voicemail. Have you tried to call her?"

"No," I replied with even greater despair, "let me try now."

"Okay, but call me right back after you talk to her. Randy, this doesn't feel right to me. Please don't give up hope on Amy yet."

"I'll call you back later." I finally managed to whisper as my voice cracked with anguish.

I checked my phone for messages and didn't find any from Amy, but saw that I had missed three from Carol while I was coming home from work, asking me to call her. The only missed calls were from different unknown numbers that had been automatically sent to voicemail. I deleted the recordings of the spam calls without listening to them.

I then called Amy's cell, and it went straight to voicemail for me too. All I heard was her cheerful voice from happier times saying she couldn't take my call, but to leave a message and she would call me back.

I hung up, unable to think of anything I could say in a message that I hadn't already said. She might not want to hear from me, but I damn sure needed to talk to her. I just wasn't sure what to say yet.

I felt a sudden lethargy, like I had gone without sleep for two days straight, and I just wanted to lay down. I couldn't bring myself to go to our bedroom, and face an empty bed that would never hold Amy again.

I shambled to the recliner in the living room and turned off my phone's ringer. I wasn't ready to discuss this with Carol yet, either.

Everything else could wait. I just needed some sleep.

I woke up to a horrible racket coming from the front door. My phone said it was almost 1 a.m. I heard a wail that sounded familiar, It was Amy!

I leapt out of the recliner so fast that it tumbled backwards and I fell on my face. If I was hurt, it didn't register. I sprinted to the door and unlocked it, and as I pulled it open, it flew back into me and Amy fell into my arms, sobbing.

I could only make out a few words as she babbled and clung to me. Among them were "so sorry", "my rings" and "love you so much."

I noticed a stranger at the end of our sidewalk looking at me with alarm.

"I'm her Uber driver. Is everything okay?" The woman asked..

"Yeah, everything is fine. She's my wife. Thank you for bringing her to me."

The driver left, and I held Amy for an eternity as she cried herself out. I had time to wonder what in the world was happening, and even question if I was just dreaming. The warmth of Amy's body against mine was real, and I managed a genuine smile for the first time in a month.