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A couple of notes: The poem Nikki wrote on a paper napkin at McDonald's can be found in the Erotic Poetry section of Literotica under my member name. It is titled: Nikki's Poem. If you are interested, read it there and comment and/or score it. First attempt at a poem here and it's from to this storyline.
For those of you who have made or will make comments: Thank you, thank you, thank you!
- COMMENTS
Sorta like this chapter :) even if I can't help myself for wondering if nikki is jealous. Lol
By the way, I've noticed that you use a lot of Japanese references and your vocabulary is accurate. As it's my major study I'm pleased to see you know something about Japanese stuff :)
8 chapter reading done.. Sorry for my comments on the fifth chapter end.. You are doing excellent now.... A suggestion from me is you describe both daughters structure like height weight.. Size.. Now I'm familiar with your writing style..
You are correct on the head shaking v nodding. One other reader pointed this out to me... I think I have it corrected in all future postings. Sorry if it took away from enjoyment or broke mood of piece for you.
Thanks for the comments (both). Hope you keep reading.. I get better as story goes on. This is my first attempt at writing ... learning about editing as I go.
...but you use the phrase "shook her head" to indicate both negative and positive responses. It's a bit confusing to me, because I've always associated "shaking" of the head to mean a side to side movement indicating "no," and "nodding" of the head to mean an up and down movement indicating "yes."
My 35 yr old girlfriend called her vagina a "kitty," simply because she didn't like the word "pussy." And I've heard quite a few other women use the same phrase. So, yes, grown women do use that word. Now go "smh" some more and see if you can hear that singular brain cell rattle around.
I am so confused. One minute you have the girls acting like and talking like 12 year olds, then they are making out like adults? For one thing, 18 year old women do not call their stomach "tummy" or their pussy "kitty" nor do they call precum "sticky stuff". You have to decide if they are adults or little kids. Rapidly losing interest in the story. Especially now that Jack is doing the same things their latest client is accused of. There is now a poem and pictures as evidence that can be used against him in a court of law!! No lawyer or father is that stupid!! *smh*
Sex scenes, plus some very intelligent intercourse between the two young women. However, I have no idea if this is supposed to be a story or a sexual romp.
You have intimated that there was another man in her life before Jack, when she was much younger. Do you plan on bringing that thread into the main plot at all?
Was it incest by her father?
This has been one of my favorite series recently and this was my favourite chapter so far! Just keeps getting better -- thanks so much for writing it!
I'll keep this short, plzzz keep writing more chapters. It's good to have a storyline setup but hope you don't limit to a no. of chapters. This is a great story let it flow.
I love your pace and that you're keeping your characters real. As for the story from this point on there are so many paths but I think that's best left for your imagination. Hope to see more like this... :)))
Ironic story line; both daddy's are Lawyers. Incest case in current litagation. Jack gets "BJ" from Mac. Slight penetration but not enough to break Hymen. I absolutely love the storyline though.
Thanks for your imagination and story.