The Visitor

It's sort of difficult to believe that author is a woman. She consistently paints women as pathetic creatures

Well written. Like an LW version of an Edgar Allan Poe revenge story.

This author presents vulnerability so well that dozens of readers are compelled to defend her...against attacks that are, logically speaking, similar to lemmings disappearing beneath the waves. More better to conserve one's energy for marveling.

WOW. That’s all that needs to be said.

shr

Seems like Tom just exposed two cheating worthless cunts to each other. Two horrible people married to each other on a crash course headed towards failure. All Tom did was bring the failure faster.

Again...unlikeable characters. This author is really good at writing people I would hate and avoid in real life.

Sounds like Jack was a complete cunt. She was lucky to find out and be given a simple exit from her mistake

Tom did Jack a favor by exposing wifes cheating ass early...

Great short story. Tom.got revenge and destroyed their marriage. Regardless of what Jack did (or did not do) to Tom in the past, Jack's wife betrayed and him and there is no going back.

Powerfully written. Unlike other reviewers, I don't feel the need to have everything answered or over-explained. That's not how real life is, and rarely is it a mark of good writing. You write well, it just happens to be your subject is erotica. :)

Another story about nothing.

2 starrs

dirtball

i don't understand

If Tom was right then Jack deserved it. Everyone deserves to have a taste of their own medicine

Another excellently written story without an ending. This author is an excellent writer but for some reason seems to almost always end the story before the real ending. We need a "Paul Harvey" to tell us "the rest of the story". In this case, there is a lot left untold. Was Jack really that stupid as to go after Tom's girlfriend and not expect any repercussions? What made Kelly so susceptible to Tom? Was Tom exaggerating or was Jack (still) chasing other women even while married? Did Kelly really mind ending her marriage?

Didn't really like the start of the story. Don't think it really helped the story at all.

In the end, well written but too many holes for me to give a 5.

Another great one, the meeting of three flawed people, two of them with a dark past.

I had read this one a while ago, but I was too "green" at the time to appreciate the quality of your writing. It's superb!

and erotic as fuck.

Why do your women disproportionately succumb to the slut ray? Seriously: You're telling a compelling story, than the woman just can't control herself. What? I don't know these women. Not that I want to.

There are tons of great writers on this site, some are friends of mine but in my estimation, GirlintheMoon tops us all. No one understands human emotions as she does and no one can express them better. I gave this the same score I give to all her stories, 5 stars.

Jack just stands there...uh huh. Another story of two narcissists and the copyrighted, LW weak, cuck husband character dressed up in bodice-ripper language.

Great story - thanks for sharing.

He told Tom everything?

Average

Tom got revenge.

Both assholes

She cheated by being caught in middle.

If that's all it took to break them up, they are better off with other people. Clear the chessboard and start again.

Beautiful language, short and choppy. I could see it coming, unable to stop it, unable to stop reading.

Wonderful!

Thank you!

=a

Whenever there is a mystery, you may not know what it is but you know what size the box has to be to fit it in. The mystery between Jack and Tom is too big for the box you built for it, and so we are left with utter disbelief at this story's core, at least we are if we take your work at all seriously.

First off, you write well. I particularly like the female perspective and your attempt to at least try to make the characters complex. However, especially for your verbose and long form style, this story was too short. Even though it was just over 2 pages, it read like a one-page flash story. There is no real delving into the marriage relationship, no dealing with the aftermath, and so really no ending other than alleging the completion of the tsunami metaphor, that she is gone with the backwash.

There is some unbelievability, bordering on slut ray territory, in how quickly Kelly succumbs to Tom, perhaps a function of the flash story length. You only have smoldering intensity to explain it and, like the slut ray or a 10-inchcoick, it more stands in for an explanation than is one. In this case, we are left with incomprehensibility other than mere sympathy for the massive wrong Jack did to Tom long ago and her alleged boredom. We are therefore not able to really see into Kelly's brooding obsession with Tom (or why she is bored) and potentially sympathize with her.

There is also a big plot hole in this story (spoiler alert!) where if Tom's revenge plan is to be caught by Jack fucking Kelly, then why is it that only the interruption in the alleyway gets them to change to the home locale? Tom was clearly going to take her right there in the alley, and she was going to let him. So Kelly goes to a much more dangerous place to consummate the liaison, over a couch in her own livingroom, because she is more concerned with strangers catching them than her husband. In the same vein, why is Kelly so clueless as to how much time they have, that Jack not only catches them, but basically catches them from the beginning of the tryst, a beginning that amounts to mere minutes after entering the abode?

Most importantly, the box you build for the secret between Jack and Tom that contains the darkness between them is much too small to contain that secret. Jack (spoiler alert!) fucks Tom's girlfriend and even brags about it humiliating Tom, yet Jack is completely unaware that this might be a problem, that Tom might be mad about it, and that it might explain why Tom didn't show up to Jack's wedding, let alone be his best man? That they even had a falling out over it? What kind of clueless sociopath is Jack, anyway?

So the box you built would be for a peccadillo, something that Jack (innocent and loving Jack) could do (or Tom misconstrue) without thinking or realizing is an issue, not a barn-door sized mortal sin that would kill most friendships on the spot. You try to make it out like Jack was a big man on campus and thus presumably an insensitive prick that would fuck the girlfriend of his best friend with nary a thought, who then changed into the loving and boring animal-loving doc.

"He was a veterinarian, impassioned by helping animals—and humans."

Now he is an impassioned dick. OK. I cannot see Jack making that kind of transition without more than Kelly's whispered admonition that "people change."

Also, if Kelly knows her husband who is "far more innocent and decent than" us, why does she believe Tom without checking with Jack first? And why doesn't she know that Tom just wants a revenge fuck. Why does his past hurt call for sexual release from her (even if it coincides with her boredom)?

I was also disappointed in that you essentially slut-rayed Kelly and came up with the lame "Jack and I hadn't had sex in forever". Seriously? Where did that come from and why is Jack not completely clueless about this? (Oh, the sociopath again cometh!) Nevertheless, he picks that time of all times to break the sex strike with not a bit of awkwardness, let alone acknowledgement of the problem? Again, he's a sociopath.

Finally, the tsunami metaphor is wildly overplayed. It is possible to use a metaphor in a story without it becoming some weird part of the plot. Why is Kelly obsessed with tsunamis? I know about foreshadowing but that is ridiculous and really without foundation (some life experience that explains her interest) and unnecessary as metaphors can be used rhetorically in the story without being a literal thought in the characters mind, let alone a strangely apropos real life obsession of theirs.

[You did this in Riptide as well and while it did have a foundation in the character's back story, you pretty much discounted it when it came time to pull the trigger, i.e. she is so afraid of water that she doesn't even want to be in house near the beach, but yet gets on a boat (twice!) with at best moderate provocation and little resistance.]

In any case, these are issues I would have with a flash story. I expected better with yours. And that's the backhanded compliment that explains this long post.

I love the way you tell a story.

Nicely written.

I can't help feeling sorry for all of them. Do I dislike them? Yeah. Mostly the husband, but mostly I just feel sorry for them.

The wife was acting stupid and selfish. The husband did a terrible thing and never took responsibility. Tom took revenge to a place it should never need to go.

I can't help but think that Tom's reaction, and the whole setting of the story, had a decisively feminine feel to it. If Tom had simply decked the bastard that slept with his girlfriend, with a bat if needed, then he would have committed a crime. The way it turned out, no one did anything against the law, but the scars are so much deeper.

Thanks for a good, quick read. I loved your descriptions of emotions. The story left me wanting to know more, which speaks to the relatability of the characters. This is the first of your stories I've read, so I guess I'll now be obsessed with reading all of your offerings.

I liked the writing, but I rate stories on subject, characters, and how much I enjoy it. I Spelling, grammar, and editing errors mean nothing to me. I did not enjoy the story.

It was sad and involved three sad or totally unaware people. Tom held on to his need for revenge for 10 years, and only came to visit in order to get revenge. And he did, and now he is no better than Jack. Kelly has no will power or self control. I can't believe that a woman that loves her husband could be so easily manipulated into sex especially when she doesn't even like him. Jack is just totally clueless and self absorbed. I'm sorry, but I just did not like it.

at "art". You've done better and been rewarded less.

Not my usual by ant.means, but you are so good that I couldn't pass it up. It rings true, andnsad. I enjoyed it.

Not impressed at all..

5☆. Love your stuff!

The past can come back on you.Tom made her say things that are hard to forgive.

Of course I have read a lot worse and they are back in the saddle in no time.

So succinctly done without losing any feels.

I hated Tom tfrom he very second I started reading this story, for what I knew was about to happen.

I despised Kelly for being a moron from the get go and that didn't change throughout.

And I felt... pity for Jack for being another dense hubbie.

But you managed to subvert my expectations by making me sympathise with Tom and his quest for revenge and hate Jack for sleeping with his friend's college GF.

I am always a BIG fan of subverting expectations, so thank you for that and congrats on a very sweet, albeit short story.

Five stars, only bacause I can't give you six.

First to the other anon ... Amorality? Really? First, this is a porn site, what do you expect? Second, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

Now to the author, the only negative I can express is that while your use of metaphore was artfully done, it seemed exagerated for art's sake. Could you have moved me with less? ... mmmmaybe during your opening self defamation, otherwise a resounding no! You most certainly drew me into your head. You are an astounding author! I thank you for the experience! Five stars, favorite story, favorite author.

While I search and rack my brain trying to come up with words to express feelings she reaches down deep and pulls them from her soul.

That's kinda it. You have 4 people (counting Tom's ex) whose word doesn't mean a thing. Is there a person to root for here?

Please keep writing! I'm an old guy who really wants to see more women writing in this category.

Loved it. 5*

Theakston

over melodramtic tbh

I don't get the crazy hate. Do I wish that the author had a follow up? Of course, she's crazy gifted. But I love what she did have. It's amazing.

Or narrator brought back to herself? Many Lit stories, esp mfm threesomes, are comedies, everyone comes to want and celebrate the outreach. Here Jack loved Tom, but that didn't do it. Maybe Tom loved them too. So well written Girl, share more of yourself here, so I won't have to be to be your groupie elsewhere.... you are my only twit w few followers, but u r quality. Tsunamis!

It barely tells a story, except that hubby loves Tom more than wife, and wife decides to fuck guy she hates.

There, 21 words instead of 3 pages.