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Click hereThe young woman did the only thing that she could think to do. Under her breath, she began to pray. "Father, Mother, Sister," she pleaded. "I have always been a righteous subject."
That was probably a lie, she noted.
"Well, mostly." She added so they knew she was honest. "If You free me, I swear to You I will rule the kingdom with Your names constantly on my tongue. I will strike down the unrighteous, like the man who stands before me, and I will dedicate my life to..."
She faltered. What did you promise a god? The texts were somewhat unclear regarding the sorts of things gods enjoyed. "Erm... Sacrificing goats every day."
She continued this way, murmuring constantly until they reached the large fire at the center of the camp. Seeing the Ceremony bench on the platform that had been built around the flames, she felt her fingers begin to tremble. She tightened them into fists to hold her fear at bay.
Gregar stopped at the end of a long aisle. To either side, it seemed as if every man in the camp had come to watch the event. They were seated on makeshift benches-boxes and barrels from the supply carts in rows that ran all the way around the fire in a circle.
A man stood near the fire. He was older than most of the men here, but he still had the build of a soldier. He wore the deep purple robes of an acolyte of the gods. Every company had one soldier who the gods blessed as their liaison in times of war. Usually it was an officer of high rank whose primary function was his military role, but on the battlefield he gave last rites and administered confessions to dying soldiers. It was a respected role, and a dangerous one.
The graying man raised his hands over his head when he saw Gregar stop at the end of the aisle. The people who had gathered quieted at the gesture. When all that could be heard were the soft chirps of crickets and the croak of the occasional frog, the priest's voice boomed forth over the heads of the soldiers.
"Who wishes to know the will of the gods?"
- COMMENTS
I gave this 5 stars for the writing in general, albeit I felt the dialogue needs some work to be more compelling and the plot is confusing -why is he trying to break her if she's not yet enslaved? And- unfortunately, I have to agree with previous commenter - it's rare I read a story like this where the female protagonist is not described as beautiful from the onset. I don't necessarily have a problem with that and it looks like you've taken that into account as everyone who meets her is more taken with her small stature as opposed to her looks. I can see how her insecurity can be jarring to some and the way Gregar treats her is awful but I get that some chics love a man who humiliates them
Agree with 'Poor Regina' commenter below. So she's not even pretty plus he clearly doesn't even like her as he treats her like shit the way he wakes her with his boot in her stomach and yanks her feet out from under her. He treats her like a dog and she, despite being a princess, takes it without complaint. Still not sure where this is going.
The writing is decent but this is a confusing story. In the first chapter, the Princess was 'breaking' Gregar as if he were already her slave and in this chapter, he was 'breaking' her as if she's already his slave, but neither of them have actually been enslaved yet as they haven't gone through the Will of the Gods ceremony. Also, the part about leaving her alone for a few hours to attempt an escape doesn't make sense as he had third party help with his escape but she didn't have that option. How is that fair?
Please give her some happiness. Like he actually begins to like her and treats her well, or she gets out. I really like the story so far, but I don’t want it to go so miserably for her, she deserves better.