- Loving Wives
- We Need to Talk
- Comments
All Comments on 'We Need to Talk'
by Sutekhthedestroyer
- 84 Comments
Nice twist at the end. I have forgotten my famous movie lore. Hadn't read the books since, uhm, Johnson was president. Missed every clue. Nice work. Thank you.
I will rely on others to suggest how good this story is . . . I got lost in the second paragraph (also sentence) that was 66 words long with 2 commas for some separation. Thinking that was a one-off followed by another 47 words with one comma, then 51 words and 2 commas and I finally quit reading at the next 63 words with 3 commas. One comment suggested the story was cut short. I guess the author couldn't think of more things to describe in detail.
Fun story. A quick bit of constructive criticism… try to greatly limit use of exclamation points, they really detract from your writing. Also, an exclamation point ends a sentence, no need to follow it with a period
This was one time overwriting worked. I gave it 4stars for the laugh. I expected something of a different, but equally violent nature than a simple shot to the knee cap and then allowing the man to bleed out. The sub-machine gun was way overkill. A simple suppressed pistol would have been more fitting. A Walther PPK or the PP9 the Daniel Craig Bond used. If you go that far for the laugh at the end, do your homework.
An amusing little story that seems basically a long joke. Good punch line and the story had something new to offer.
Kind of cute, in a very copycat way, but since it took until the Virage was mentioned for me to figure out it was SUPPOSEDLY Agent 007, I gave it 4 stars.
But the real Bond(e) wasn't wealthy, and the Aston Martin was actually a 'company' car.
Interesting idea, though.
Who's next... Mack Bolan ?
When the knee went out to the gunshot, I realized we were (sort of) reading the end if the Casino Royale movie.
Fun!
What? This was some knock off on James Bond? A spy you ain't and the story was ridiculous. You need an editor and a more reasonable idea for a story. This wasn't it.
Was going well until the end, that ending was pure cheese what could have been a good story slid from 5 to 3.
Great. Only stupid cucks would think that it was uncalled for.
PS: Give us more... 5
Mr Blacked laid on the floor moaning in agony as the man the raised gun to his face.
“Who in the fuck are you? Do you know who I am. I have friends in very high places. If you pull that trigger they’ll hang you,” sneered Black.
The man in a cool and calm vice he replied, “My name is Bond, James Bond
I not worried about your friends. You see, I have license to kill.”
As Black took his final breath he watched the barrel light up as the bullet exited the spiral barrel”
While the overly verbose writing could be tolerated, the ending was too groan inducing.
Once I read “Universal Imports”, I knew. I was able to go back and pick up the clues I missed. Great premise, interesting twist. I’d have loved more! Really played up the suspense over several days or weeks as Mr Black gradually lost everything. Still, solid effort. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you to the kind people who enjoyed my story as I certainly enjoyed myself writing it!.
At the risk of labouring a point, it's a vignette based on the closing scene to the 007 film 'Casino Royale'.
As such, I'm curious as how long it takes readers ( if at all) to realise that , as I like some suspense and I inserted various clues throughout the script to that end.
My vengeful husband character just happens to share a similar name as 007, as there are many people in that position regarding any number of well known people, pity the poor bloke elsewhere in the world who just happens to have the name Vladimir Putin!.
Thus 'jaimes' occurred to me after reading the nametag of a fella at the checkout of my local supermarket.
So my character is more a bargain basement 007, hence the Aston Martin 2012 Virage instead of the V12 DBS or the h&K mp-5 SMG instead of the UMP-9 used in the film ( actually)!.
There are other examples in the text too.
So it's a fun vignette and not meant to go further, maybe Mr Bonde's wife Lynd ( see that clue) later drowned in a collapsed building close to a canal?.
Use your imagination!.
Could it happen?.
Of course, lots of wronged spouses carefully calculate retribution just like my character ' Mr Bonde '.
Many thanks to the people who liked it and said so as I've yet to work out this LW crowd, thus I'm 'testing the waters' with various ideas.
Byeeeeeeee
Way overwritten 1/2 of a story. Cheating wife's consequences? Use some rosa-blanca.ru, I won't read another of your stories without rosa-blanca.ru.
Did Mr Black represent Monty Norman in 2001? (2001 Norman V Sunday Times)
The rumour is John Barry's estate are getting The Persuaders round to have a harsh word with you.
The only question is does that leave you feeling stirred or shaken?
Somebody wondered about the gun choice, I think one Geoffrey Boothroyd of Blackpool believed in not being under gunned.
Nice little story. I assume that after taking care of Mr Black, Jaimie will have a serious talk with Lynd about the repercussions of cheating.
Liked it, but was the misspelling of his name intentional?? 5 stars, the Bear approves, wholeheartedly. Now, what happens to the Bitch??
The BEAR
Not yet a LW story. Yes, it has an ‘adventurous’ wife, but (as I recall) she never says a word. Hubby and Sweetie do not (yet) resolve how her affair will affect their marital relationship. It is reasonable to conclude that Hubby has (or soon will) resolve the Bull issue. Somewhat more speculative is whether Hubby has access to a competent ‘cleaning service!’
3*
So, the playboy lover get shot and ... what about the real betrayer, the slut wife ? Bizzarre secret agent.
5* I would have liked to see "Mr. Black" be slowly torture but it really wouldn't have added to the story. I just like reading stories where the "bad" person gets fully shafted and, in detail, how. Thanks for an entertaining story.
Well that sucked big time, as we all know James Bond fucked a lot of women that were not his. So the story is fucked up. MR Bond needs to be taken out of commission. His prowess was always preying on women as well. His wife was stolen from another crime family, why is he surprised to have the favor returned to him???? She knew her place and got it best from Mr Black, James was cuckold after all.
It was a debate between rating this a 2 or a 3.
We appear to have come in somewhere in the middle of the story. We then skip over most of what would make this an actual Loving Wives story (aka the drama between the husband and wife) and jump to the aftermath. Granted, it was nice to see that the husband wasn't a wimp, but even that was tainted by your corny play on a James Bond line.
Maybe I would have read it with different expectations and enjoyed it more had it been in the Humor & Satire category, but it falls flat here.
Nice! Do NOT fuck with JB, right? This is a creative take on our usual LW fare, a very enjoyable quick read. The only (slight) issue is that I don’t think Vesper Lynd would have ever cheated on her beloved “Jaimes”. But if she were to ever err this way, this is about as fine an illustration of what would happen as one could want. Bravo!
GREAT story!!!! Well written and with a fantastic and funny twist at the ending!!!
Congratulations!!! 5 stars from here! 😉👍
Unreadable. Many disjointed paragraphs "telling" us but never "showing" us. Learn to write before actually attempting to do so. The best thing you've written is your screen name, which has all the feel of being lifted from a comic book or an online game.
Meh. By the way, don't use both an exclamation point and a period at the end of sentences, no matter how wordy. Three stars, edging toward two.
JPB
I enjoyed this story for what I believe the writer was doing, a very good job of playing on the James Bond character. Well done. 5 stars from Xluckylee
I really liked this but what happened to the wife? That lack of resolution caused a big drop in the score.
5***** Well done story about running about a arrogant jerk encountering a man with real power. Liked the twist at the end.
Solid five, except one question: what about the seduced wife? PS screw Anonymous they have no idea about writing,
Yup, as I was reading the story I was thinking about the James Bond movie when he did similar to the bad guy.
Was curious where the story would go.
Would be better if the gaps were filled in.
Well, you have 78 comments as of now, I'll post mine as No 79 and will sign it, not as ''Anonymous." It will be a 'Five' with a request for a Part Two. Don't finish of the Snidely Whiplash (Yet!) but do take off the leg and then take satisfaction with the cheating spouse.
Oh, one thing further: Tell all the critics posting as "Anonymous' to go piss up a rope. We can't see and judge what they have written (Anything?) And for the ones with limited vocabularies that must lookup definitions to understand the story, c'est la vie.
"I'll post mine as No 79 and will sign it, not as ''Anonymous. Oh, one thing further: Tell all the critics posting as "Anonymous' to go piss up a rope"
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Every LW user is anonymous, since a signed nickname is anonymous as well. So, you're are also talking to yourself.
"PS screw Anonymous they have no idea about writing"
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You don't know anything about the ten-thosands anonymous users. Besides your nickname is anonymous as well.