A Bridge in the Woods

By that time, I was also downstairs and gently offered, "Good morning" to Stefani as I went about rekindling the hearth. She moaned as she sat up on the sofa and said, "I'm so embarrassed. I can't believe I came here like that last night."

"I'm glad you did. I don't know what that was all about, but I was happy to know you were here and safe."

She gave a muffled "Thank you." while she hung her head and cradled it in her hands, then mumbled to herself, "I can't believe I thought he would be any different."

Toni must have had one ear tuned into our conversation and interjected in an annoyed tone of voice, "Is this about a man?"

Lizzie looked at Toni, then at me and matter-of-factly said, "She should go sit on the bridge." It was an unquestionable truth in Lizzie's mind that time sitting on the bridge would fix whatever was bothering Toni's mom.

I smiled and said, "Lizzie, I think that is a great idea."

She puffed her chest proudly and went about pouring a bowl of cereal.

I finished adding logs to the fire and suggested to Stefani, "There's a half-bath by the kitchen, or you're welcome to use my bathroom upstairs if you would like a shower. I'll pull together some fresh clothes for you. When you are ready, I think we should go for a walk..." then in a slightly louder voice added, "away from little eavesdroppers."

"You really wouldn't mind if I took a shower?"

"Not at all. I'll get you some towels and toiletries."

The corners of her mouth turned upward in a small smile of gratitude and, for the first time that morning, Stefani looked me directly in the eyes and offered a very heart-felt, "Thank you."

She stood up, pulled the hem of her dress down, and followed me up the stairs in her black legging covered feet. At the top of the stairs, I reached in the linen closet and handed her a stack of two bath towels, a hand towel, and a washcloth. My hands then sorted through some of the miscellaneous toiletries stored in the same closet and added a toothbrush, toothpaste, and stick of pre-teen girly deodorant.

I apologized as I set the brightly patterned container on top of the towels, "Sorry, you're stuck with this unless you want to use men's deodorant."

Returning to our inventory of toiletries, I started checking labels on bottles of Lizzie's 2-in-1 bodywash and shampoo, "Ok, looks like your choices are strawberry, cotton candy, or bubble gum."

She chuckled and said, "I think I'll go with strawberry."

"Good call."

We proceeded into my bedroom where I motioned her toward the ensuite bathroom and said, "Make yourself at home and use whatever you need in there. I'm pretty sure the door locks. To be honest, I've never used it."

She surveyed the bedroom and its contents on her way to the bathroom and I walked the opposite direction toward my walk-in closet.

"I'll find some clothes while you are in the shower and set them on the corner of the bed."

She softly said, "Thank you." while walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her. I proceeded to rummage through my closet looking for things that might work. I knew my clothes made for a 6'-3" tall man wouldn't fit her properly, but they were the only option available.

My hands methodically moved across the wall rack, sliding each hanger a bit so I could examine the respective article. After a few minutes, I heard the sounds of Stefani turning on the shower, opening the glass shower door, and then water sporadically splashing against the tile and glass enclosure. My mind came to the awareness that there was a completely naked woman in my shower, just on the other side of the door. I couldn't help but think of how her intimate features must look as the steaming spray trickled down her body.

Realizing I was standing there inappropriately fantasizing about a woman in a questionable emotional condition, I snapped myself out of it and continued thumbing through hangers to arrive at a pair of heavy flannel lounge pants. They were a much too small Christmas gift from years past, but I figured they would work for Stefani if she rolled the pant legs up a little. A t-shirt and sweatshirt seemed like the obvious choices for her upper half given a lot of women like relaxing in oversized men's clothes anyway.

Organizing my selections, I noticed there weren't any undergarments and shrugged it off thinking she would just have to re-use what she had on, or go commando, but then had a last-second thought to grab a pair of boxer shorts. I folded everything neatly, set the items in a pyramiding stack on the corner of the bed, and closed the bedroom door behind me on the way out.

About 30-minutes later, the girls were in Lizzie's room and I was sitting in the great room when Stefani padded down the stairs in bare feet wearing the lounge pants and the oversized t-shirt that was slightly moist around the collar from her damp curls. The t-shirt clung a little to her moist torso and gave evidence of her unrestrained breasts jiggling under the fabric. She smiled as she reached the main floor and softly said, "Thank you. I really needed that."

"You're welcome. Are you hungry?"

"Not really, my stomach is still turning a little from last night." she said as she sat next to me on the sofa and folded her legs beneath her. "I'm so sorry for the drama. I wasn't thinking clearly and I'm thoroughly embarrassed I showed up here like that."

"Please don't be. Like I said earlier, I'm just happy to know you're safe. You seemed pretty traumatized."

Stefani replied, "Traumatized is probably a little strong." before seemingly pausing to consider if she wanted to offer any more information. She exhaled loudly and hesitantly continued, "I've had some... let's call them... rocky roads in my personal life, and last night was just the latest example."

I sympathetically offered, "I'm sorry."

She shrugged her shoulders and introspectively recapped, "I've worked with him for several years and thought he was a nice guy... and he was until he started drinking. Dinner was enjoyable, but by the time we all got to the dance club he was pretty buzzed and started getting handsy. When I rebuffed his advances, he got belligerent and more forceful."

Stefani's eyes were beginning to swell as she recounted the previous evening's events in her head. My own head was filled with questions and concerns, but I sensed she had more to say and didn't want to hinder her in getting it out.

"Thankfully, my coworkers saw what was happening and interceded. He took off and that was the end of it."

She paused for a moment then tearily continued, "It's not just him. Last night wasn't the first time something like this happened. I seem to be a magnet for jerks and losers. At least this one wasn't married... that I know of."

"I'm sorry."

She quietly repeated to herself something she had said the previous night, "Why can't I escape it?"

I couldn't hold back my curiosity, "You said that last night too. What do you mean you can't escape 'it'?"

She answered coldly through her tears, "Alcohol," before pausing for a few quick moments to gather herself and continuing, "It ruined my marriage. It robbed Toni of a father. It turned my coworker into a creep last night. Etc, etc..."

I took her hand in mine and said, "I'm sorry. I understand."

She abruptly pulled her hand from mine and argued, "I appreciate your compassion, but please don't say you understand."

I stood up and said, "I think we should go for a walk outside."

I didn't really give her an opportunity to say no and walked to the mudroom to get a jacket. I put mine on, then handed one to Stefani as she followed me. We both slipped on a pair of my fleece lined muck boots. The boots and jacket were both too large for her, but they would suffice.

I shouted to the girls that Stefani and I were going on a walk, then we stepped outside.

As we strolled away from the house and into the woods, I inquired, "Please tell me about your ex-husband."

"Well, we met in college and he was wonderful. I thought he was everything I wanted in life. His drinking wasn't an issue then. I mean we both went to the typical college parties and had too much to drink, but it wasn't a problem. We married the summer after we graduated and started a typical newlywed life."

Our boots crunched through fall leaves on the forest floor as Stefani continued, "After we were married, he occasionally went out with friends or old college buddies and came home drunk. Again, it wasn't frequent and wasn't anything concerning."

We reached Lizzie's bridge and both sat on the edge dangling our feet over the water below.

"Over time, and after Toni came along, his occasional nights out evolved into several times a week and he became defensive whenever I would say anything about it. Eventually, alcoholism... let's call it what it was... completely overtook him. It wasn't just going out with friends anymore. He always had a drink in his hand. Commitments were meaningless to him and he would show up hours late, if at all. Toni's birthday parties, family holidays, dates with me... it didn't matter."

"By the time Toni was three, he lost his job, which only gave him an excuse to be drunk all day. I constantly begged him to get help, but that would only agitate him and cause a fight. That continued for about a year until his agitation turned into physical abuse. That was my breaking point and I told him I wanted a divorce."

Stefani was now talking through streaming tears and I took her hand in mine as a show of support.

"The night I told him, he went out to the bar and never came back. After a couple weeks, I realized he was never coming back and I hired a divorce attorney who, in turn, hired a private investigator to track him down. It took a few months, but they eventually found him in Key West where he could find work as a day laborer on fishing charters and beg enough money and free drinks from tourists to get by. He demanded a healthy ransom to sign the divorce papers but, at that point, I would have paid anything."

With that, she fell silent and leaned to rest her head on my shoulder. We sat quietly listening to the gentle breeze in the trees, punctuated occasionally by Stefani's sniffles.

After a few minutes of building courage, I sighed and started talking, "I think I told you that Lizzie and I lived in Indiana before moving here, right?"

Stefani answered softly with her head still on my shoulder, "Yes."

"Well, I grew up there, in a very small town in the southern part of the state. When I was younger, my dad was a functional alcoholic. He was the best heavy equipment mechanic in the area and ran a very successful business, but came home and drank himself to blackout every night."

Stefani raised her head to look at me as I continued talking, "He wasn't an angry or abusive drunk, and was never drunk in public. He was just basically an absent parent. He worked all day then came home, sat in front of the television and drank until he passed out."

"My mom did everything for us and held the family together until she got sick when I was in 8^th grade. The ovarian cancer had already metastasized throughout her abdomen when she was diagnosed, and she was gone a few months later."

My hand had held Stefani's while she was talking and now she reciprocated by interlacing her slender fingers with mine.

"Even though he didn't show it, my dad loved her deeply and her death sent him into a tailspin. He turned into a full-time drunk and lost everything... the business, the house, the cars. There were many mornings that I would wake up for school and find him passed out in the living room or, worse yet, already starting the new day with a drink in his hand. When I was in high school, it was common for me to get a call from the Sheriff saying he was drunk or passed out somewhere around town. The Sheriff was a family friend and just called me to come get him rather than arresting him. Looking back on it, he was just an enabler by letting him go."

Stefani squeezed my hand in hers as I spoke, "I worked odd jobs around town and managed to earn enough money for my dad and I to survive in a tiny apartment above the hardware store. Between poverty status and my good school grades, I managed to get a full scholarship at IU in Bloomington."

"I was concerned about how my dad would take me leaving for school, but it turned out I didn't need to worry. His only question was if I would have a job and keep paying the bills. I did and continued doing so even after Julie and I were married."

Stefani leaned against me as we sat on the bridge and offered, "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. You do understand."

"Yes, unfortunately I do."

She cautiously probed further, "If I may ask, is your dad still around?"

I had repressed this part of my past for years and wasn't sure I wanted to dredge up those memories. My head hung and watched the bubbling water below. After several minutes without a response, Stefani squeezed my hand and prompted, "David?"

"He's in prison."

She dug deeper when she realized I wasn't going to elaborate on my own, "Why?"

I continued looking into the moving water and softly said, "Julie and Lizzie were hit by a drunk driver."

It took a second to register in her mind, "Oh my God, it was him."

"Yes."

She took her hand from mine and, instead, wrapped both arms around me in a sympathetic and understanding hug. We sat in each other's arms for quite some time before I said, "We should probably go back inside and see what the girls are doing."

Stefani agreed and we slowly made our way back through the woods toward the house. As we walked, I said, "Lizzie doesn't know any of that stuff about her grandfather. I'll tell her someday, but probably not anytime soon."

"I understand. Toni was young enough that she doesn't remember her dad and didn't know why he left. I avoided the topic for a long time, but eventually I had to tell her."

"Lizzie knows that she and Julie were in a car accident. She just doesn't know the part about my dad."

Stefani stopped walking and pulled on my arm for me to stop with her. She pulled me into an embrace and said, "Thank you."

I returned her hug, then kept one arm around her back as we finished walking to the house.

*******

Stefani, Toni, Lizzie and I spent most of the afternoon playing board games by the fireplace and enjoying the time together. As we did, I found myself becoming attracted to Stefani, both mentally and physically. The cold, guarded person I knew faded away and a new sunny, alluring personality emerged as she smiled and laughed. I stole glances while she wasn't looking, enjoying the simple way she sat with one leg folded beneath her and the other pulled up so she could rest her chin on her knee, the way she twisted curls of hair in her slender fingers when she thought, the way her neatly-painted toes flexed when she reached for the board game pieces, and the way her eyes sparkled when she laughed.

Later in the evening, Stefani and I collaborated on preparation of an impromptu taco dinner, before we all said our goodbyes. Still in my borrowed clothes as they left, Stefani gave me one more hug and whispered in my ear, "Thank you again for taking me in." before giving me a soft kiss on the cheek.

*******

Play dates continued frequently for Lizzie and Toni over the following weeks, both at Stefani's house and at mine. However, unlike before, Stefani would invite me to stay and I would do the same when at my house. Sometimes we would simply sit quietly in each other's company working on our laptops. Other times we would chat casually about a wide range of topics, getting to know each other and exploring our commonalities and differences.

During one of those discussions, we found ourselves talking about balancing life demands as a single parent; children, work, cooking, cleaning, etc., and how it left very little time for personal interests and pursuits. I joked, "Ha, sharing the work is definitely a strong argument for having a partner!"

Stefani looked at me and very seriously asked, "Have you dated since Julie passed?"

"I've been on a few dates, but I wouldn't say I've dated. A couple years after we moved here, some of my friends started trying to set me up with people. The ladies were nice enough, but I wasn't ready yet and it just didn't feel right. After a few dates, I decided it was best to just decline their attempts"

She probed further, "How long ago was that?"

"The last one was maybe 4 years ago." I answered before returning the question, "How about you? Have you dated?"

She groaned, "Hmph, my dating history isn't any better than what happened with that guy from my office. I've met a few guys, but they've all turned out to be jerks. I tell you, I'm a magnet for them. One guy that I really liked and went out with for about a month, turned out to be married. The others weren't that much different than the guy from work, and it became obvious on the first dates that they were only looking for sex, not a relationship."

"I'm sorry."

Neither one of us said anything more on the topic and we moved on to other subjects, but there was an unspoken understanding that we were both exploring the other person's openness to a relationship.

*******

The week after Thanksgiving, Stefani and I sat on stools at my kitchen island tapping away on our laptop keyboards while Toni and Lizzie played upstairs. I was answering emails, and Stefani was filling out what looked to be a very complicated accounting spreadsheet on her screen.

After an hour or so, Stefani sighed and announced, "I need a break from these numbers." She extended her arms straight above her head and arched her back as she stretched. The motion served to thrust her breasts outward, stretching the fabric of her thin button-up blouse and revealing the intricate texture of a lace bra beneath. It also caused the bottom of the untucked blouse to rise upward, exposing a flat, toned midriff and cute belly button.

Having been caught looking, she just smiled knowingly and asked "How was your Thanksgiving?"

"It was good. Lizzie and I went over to George and Linda's house for a 'Friendsgiving'. There were about ten people there, plus a few kids. We stayed for most of the day, then came home and roasted some marshmallows in the fireplace. How was yours?"

"It was stereotypical," she replied as she continued in a mock monotonous tone, "We went to my parents' house, ate dinner, and all the men fell asleep watching football while my mom and sisters harassed me to find a husband. You know, all the usual things."

I said sarcastically, "Sounds delightful." then asked seriously, "I take it that is a topic of conversation at every family gathering?"

"Yes, they think they are being funny about it, joking about how they should set me up with this guy or that guy, but it gets annoying really fast. Especially since I know they really aren't joking. At least I won't have to hear it at Christmas. My parents decided to go on a Caribbean cruise over the holidays, so my sisters are all going to their husbands' sides of their families."

I processed that for a few seconds, then asked, "Have you made any other plans? Would you and Toni like to spend Christmas here with us?"

Stefani sincerely replied, "I would love that. I know Toni will too."

We went on to plan out the details and decided that Stefani would bring their gifts over on Christmas Eve so she didn't have to transport them Christmas morning. That discussion evolved into Stefani bringing some of her family's traditional Italian dishes for dinner, then further into a more formal Christmas Eve dining event. She thought it would be fun for the girls, and I certainly didn't object to the idea of seeing Stefani in a nice dress.

*******

On the Saturday two weeks before Christmas, Lizzie and I went to the local Rotary Club tree sale. Lizzie carefully inspected every tree on the lot before running back to one of the first trees near the entrance and declaring, "This is it! This is the perfect tree!"