Brash and the Schrodinger Snare Ch. 05

"We just own one tiny plot of land in Ravenloft, that's all," she said. "You can buy an entire mansion in Ravenloft for the same price you can buy a single person loft in the Silicon Valley! It was very economical, doubly so when paired with a permanent planar gate." She sounded a bit defensive. "A-And the locals aren't even that bad, so long as you stay on the path, don't leave during the full moon, and never ever go near Castle Ravenloft."

"Oh, is that all?" P90 asked, her voice set to level 9 angry gruff warrior girl sarcasm.

"Hey, honey?" Alex asked, leaning up close to me. Her hand grabbed mine under the table and squeezed - cold fingers interlocking with mine. "I know we're not married, but can you get me a drinksie, pwease?"

"Uh, sure!" I said, nodding. I may have been tricked into an arranged marriage so that Alexandress the Vampire Princess could annoy her Dad, but just because it had almost gotten me killed three times was no reason to hold that against her. Because she was so cute!

Alex beamed, then chomped down on my neck.

I'm a mega-damage creature. That means that most small arms fire bounces off me, and I'm immune to a remarkable amount of things. But one of those was not the fang-points of a vampire's chompers. So, those fangs sank up to the gums in my neck and that was when I learned why vampires were so popular at parties. Being chomped felt amazing. Pleasure throbbed out of the contact point and I squirmed and gasped, my leg kicking out and bumping against an empty chair across and to the right from me. My eyes widened and my mouth opened as I made a noise that sounded a bit like 'awwwahuuhuahmmghahhhghgh!'

"Do you have to do that in public?" Cindi asked, her cheeks beat red.

P90, meanwhile, was glaring at me. I tried to give her a thumbs up. Instead, my arm flooped limply to my side as I started to fell very dizzy. Then Alexandress popped her fangs off my neck and liiiiiicked me from collar to ear-tip. Vampire tongues had coagulants in their spittle, but I'm pretty sure most of that lick had almost nothing to do with the chomp marks, which were already cleared up thanks to being a freaking dragon. I think, and this was just a suspicion honestly, that a big part of Alex's lick was because she thought I was tasty in general, and not just in a blood specific.

"Thanks, honey," she said, then sighed. "It still freaking sucks about my Dad. He's going to be in a torpor for, like, fifty years."

I nodded, then did a double take. "What?"

"What?" she chuckled. "Did you think some dumb white phosphorous would dust him?" She snorted. "He has, like, six ranks in fortitude."

I blinked a few more times. Then I beamed, giving her double finger guns. "Ayyyyye!"

"So, we could have stayed?" G282 asked.

"On totally heck no," Alex said, shaking her head. "Fifty years is still a long time, even for immortals. And half those Primogens weren't so lucky. That witch, Brando, got toasted, and I think Tepes is gonna be down for the count too." Seeing my expression, she patted my hand. "Don't worry, they were all total jerks. Why else do you think Dads was so interested in hitching me to literally anyone else."

"Makes sense," I said. "But with your Dad in a torpor..."

"That means it's power vacuum in Necronox, and nothing brings out the fully automatic napalm shotgun cannons and the flamethrowers in Cam-town than a power vacuum." Alex shook her head. "Plus, the deurger and the drow and who knows who else knew where to find you."

I slammed my fist down on the table. By this point, my blood had regenerated - something I was pretty sure was going to come in capital H handy with a vampire for a fiancee - and so my fist smash was nicely dramatic. But I was still careful to not hit too hard. I frowned. "If I learned anything from the show Burn Notice," I said. "It would be, firstly, that Jessie really does become a better character if you give him a chance."

Confused looks around the table. Everyone looked at Cindi. Cindi gave an expression like why are you looking at me? I have no idea.

"Secondly!" I said. "Bruce Campbell? A far more versatile actor than anyone gives him credit for. He can handle action, comedy, but also dramatic stuff if he is given it. People should have figured that out with Bubba Ho-Tep, but most people seem to have not seen the movie, likely due to systemic failures in the American education system!"

Then I slapped both palms down on the table and stood, even more dramatically.

"But third, and most importantly, I learned that if bad guys keep finding you, it's because someone has bugged you." I nodded. "We need to find out where the bug is, and throw it into a black hole. Unless it's a cute and smart bug. Then we should make friends with it."

G282 blinked slowly. "Brash is, uh, right. In a confusing way." She frowned. "But we don't have the technology or the magic to find a bug that's been concealed from obvious detection."

"I can sniff for it!" I said, excitedly.

"Can you sniff every single nanometer of the ship?" G282 asked.

"I can try!" I said, nodding. "It might take me..." I cocked my head, letting my head computer do the math. "Fifteen thousand years, but I can manage it!"

"I suggest a better idea," G282 said, lifting her hands. "We go to a place chaotic enough that they'll be hard to infiltrate or attack by any but the most absolutely insane people, but with a technical capacity sufficient to detect very tiny bugs." She smiled. "We need to go to Junkstar."

"Not Junkstar..." P90 groaned, rolling her head back.

"Any relation to Wonkstar?" I asked, remembering the name of P90's constructors, the gnomes of Wonkstar. P90 nodded, while still slouching back in her chair and looking really irritated.

"Wonkstar?" Cindi asked.

"The candy gnomes of Wonkstar built me," P90 said. "Junkstar is a junkyard planet, created by their outcasts, their criminal, their absolutely bugfuck insane." She shook her head. "It's dangerous. It's lawless. And it's full of freaking gnomes!" She flung up her hands.

"Dude, you can't be in my harem and say racist things!" I exclaimed.

Cindi looked like someone had just hauled off and slapped her right in the face with a really big fish. P90 looked like she was doing some internal calculations and was trying to keep her face very settled. I blinked, suddenly realizing how everyone was looking at me. I flushed and gulped. "T-That's a figure of speech."

"Right. Well." Cindi stood up. "I guess Junkstar is our only choice. I'll go and log the travel routes." She started off, her hands clenched tightly. I sprang to my feet.

"I'll go help!"

"Uh, Du-" Alex started, but I was off.

Cindi stalked along the green grass lawn that sprawled before the mansion. She got to the door leading to the Rusty Dragon before I reached her - dang no flyingness and my teleporter organ still feeling sprained! I sprang through the door and almost shut it behind me, but then I stopped myself. I didn't want to trap everyone else on the Demiplane of Dread. This confused realization gave Cindi plenty of time to get to the cockpit. I followed after her, blushing as I did so.

Cindi was seated in the chair, tapping at switches, switching buttons, fiddling with dials and dialing some fiddles. Her back was straight and her blond dyed hair was hanging around her shoulders in an untied sprawl. Gone were the pony tails. This Cindi was all and completely buisness.

"Cindi, I-"

"Brash, I am doing transdimensional math before we even got to trig, please, don't distract me right now," she said, her voice flat and harsh. I blushed.

"I have a navicomp in my brains," I said.

"Oh, do you!?" Cindi swung around. "Is there anything the great and powerful Brash can't do?" She glared at me, standing up.

"I can't do lots of things!" I stammered.

"Oh, that's news to me!" Cindi shouted, leaning forward. "A harem, Brash? Really? What on Earth, what off Earth, made you think that might possibly be okay!?" She looked away, then back at me. "You're not a freaking Saudi Prince or third world despot!"

"I am confused," I stammered.

"You can't own women just because you're strong and powerful and P90 is a golemn!" Cindi snarled, glaring at me.

"Wait, you're mad...because I said I have a harem?" I asked, my brow furrowing, feeling like someone had fired a rubber band at my forehead in the middle of a political debate. I blinked a few times. "I thought-"

And I realized that had been a mistake, because Cindi was practically swelling up like a balloon. But rather than air, it was super-anger. Which was like regular anger times ten. Cindi exploded a few seconds later, and I hadn't even said anything or done anything. "You thought what? That I was jealous? Brash, you're cute, but it takes more than being cute and a space hero to get into my freaking panties. Do you know how many boys at high school have made a pass at me? Twelve! Twelve boys, Brash! Football jocks, nerds, members of the chess club, band members, even a freaking member of the freaking color guard!" She flung her arms wide. "Cindi Fong, class queen, prettiest cheerleader, and all of them knew me about as much as you did!" She slammed her finger into my chest. "You didn't even know I was rich!"

I spluttered.

"You didn't even know who my brother was!"

I bit my lip.

"You don't even know what my favorite movie is or what my favorite song is, or which Muppet I think is the best!"

"Kermit?" I asked.

"It's MISS PIGGY!" Cindi shouted.

Silence.

Cindi was panting heavily, her cheeks flushed, her hands clenched. I gulped, trying to push the gulp past the huge boulder in my throat. I adjusted my collar, slowly, with my finger, then stammered. "I-I've never seen the Muppets, honestly. I was going to watch the most recent movie, but it had that guy from How I Met Your Mother on it, so I just watched that show again."

"Ted Mosby is such a dweeb, isn't he?" Cindi asked, rubbing her hands along her eyes.

"Totes," I said, nodding.

Cindi groaned. "God, I'm sorry, Brash..." She slid her hands away from her eyes, and I saw that her eyes were glittering with tears. "I just...I'm scared shitless. I-I'm just a level one wizard because I took a freaking elective class. The most powerful spell I know is Tasha's Itchy Foot." She shook her head. "Y-You've been nunked. Twice. And fought driders. And vampires. And...and..." She shook her head again. "P90's a freaking walking terminator made of bubblegum. Alex is a vampire princess whose, I hasten to remind you, also a blood mage. And Kira?" She shook her head. "You showed us what she did to Blackheart."

I grinned. "Advantages of a head computer," I said, trying to not sound braggy or anything.

Cindi rubbed her hands on her face. "S-Sorry I blew up at you..." she whispered.

"Hey, I was a total dingus," I said, nodding. "A-And, I, did kinda...imagine you naked a lot. But I never tried to find out more about you beyond you being pretty." I blushed. "That's kind of a jerk thing, you know?"

Cindi smiled, then leaned forward and kissed my cheek.

I gasped. "I d-d-d-didn't just say that to get a smootch!"

"I know. That's why you got a smootch," Cindi said, smiling slightly.

I rubbed my cheek. "And if you want to watch the Muppet show with me, I am totes down for that. We'll have time!" I nodded. "The trip to Junkstar is going to take, like, a week."

Cindi bit her lower lip, then grinned. "Won't your fiancee get jealous?"

"No!" I said. "Maybe! I should ask." I paused. "A-And when I say harem, I mean a metallic dragon harem. A good one! Like, everyone's equals, and you can bang other dudes and girls and stuff, just being honest and stuff!" I nodded.

"So, you mean, you're in a polyamorous relationship?" Cindi asked, sitting down and starting to punch in the coordinates my navicomp sent her. She smiled, slightly as she did so.

"Yup!" I said. "But harem sounds cooler."

***

I was sprawling in bed in the mansion and, for once, wasn't asleep and having weird prophecy dreams about the skinny guy in the fedora. Instead, I was thinking hard. I had lost my flight powers and wasn't getting them back unless we got some pretty serious dispelling. I was pretty sure my dinky little dispelling spells weren't going to do the trick. I sighed quietly. What did it mean, to be a dragon that couldn't fly? Well...I could still shapeshift and I could still kick butt. Besides, being a dragon was being something more than just flying.

It was being a synthesis. A fusion of air and sea, land and space. I closed my eyes and felt the raw nature of my being crackling under my skin.

The door to my room opened. I opened my eyes and saw a dark shape in the doorway. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness, but there wasn't enough to see definition. I was about to speak, but the dark shape came closer. A finger pressed to my lips, and it was cold. I tensed tightly, then slowly slid my tongue along it. A muffled giggle came - but then the dark figure wordlessly held up a dark shape. In the dimness of the room, I was pretty sure that it was a blindfold. I licked my lips and felt the shivering of excitement from that finger. It was slightly damp too. I nodded.

Alex slipped the blindfold over my eyes and my whole other set of senses seem to come to blazing life. Every gentle caress of breeze against my skin was like an electrical current, channeled right into my brain and spelling out the words: Fucking. Sexy. As. Shit. I breathed in - then felt my tongue and hers meet and play together. I moaned, kissing Alex back, my hands sliding along her muscular back. I cupped, and squeezed her full, round rump, my fingers dimpling her damp, cold rump. But that coldness faded quickly as my body heat started to transfer. Soon, it was like holding a furnace, she was so hot.

Her lips kissed along my neck, leaving wet, glistening spots on my neck. I gasped and quivered with every kiss, my back arching. I wanted her to kiss one of my nipples so badly. But her lip, instead, skipped over the sensitive nub on my chest. I bit my lip hard, the agonizing wait, the uncertainty of where she'd go next, both of them grinding against one another. The grinding broke when her lips kissed the space above my belly button.

Not an erogenous zone, usually.

It was right now.

My hips rocked and I nearly came under the silken sheets, my cock straining against her cushy, but still muscular belly. I wondered if Alex had shifted her body slightly, to be less skinny. Maybe. I mean, it'd make sense, if she wanted to be cushy. I almost opened my mouth, about to say that her being skinny wasn't bad! I liked thin girls too. But that felt like it might, I don't know, ruin the moment. Also, I was then unable to speak because her hands slipped the silken sheets off my lower body. My cock slapped free and nestled between her large, perky breasts. Hands pressed those breasts around my cock and I was enveloped by her warmth.

We were both definitely hot now. I let out a groaning noise: "Alexssssss!"

Her finger went to my lips again. Shh, she said, silently. Then warm, plush lips closed around my cock. It was both utterly expected and completely and totally not what I thought would come next. The blindfold added that edge of surprise even to something as simple as getting my cock sucked, and it caused my hips to buck upwards. My balls bumped against the underside of her breasts, and Alex's hand cupped my scrot, squeezing me as her tongue swirled around and around my cocktip. I shuddered as I nearly came from that, then and there.

Then she started to use every part of her body in tandem. Her breasts, slicked by an eager stream of her spittle, swept up and down my cock, squeezing me in her pillowy perfection. Her mouth sucked hungrily on every inch of my cock that escaped between her tits, while her tongue caressed my foreskin. Her hot breath teased along my cock every time she drew her head back to catch a bit of air. But those moments were rare, and her head dipped forward and she started to suck and slurp, like a starving woman.

My hands gripped the mattress under me and I lost all control.

My balls clenched and Alex made a quiet, surprised noise as cum started to jet into her mouth. Thick blasts of draconic seed filled her lips and started to drip from her chin, pattering on her breasts and smearing onto my cock and my belly as she tried to keep up with the torrential flow that I was putting out. I shuddered in pure bliss, my eyes screwed shut, blindfold or no blindfold. Then, as if I was a puppet with its strings cut, I sprawled back onto the bed.

A quiet smack of the lips. Then Alex shifted backwards on the bed.

She was leaving.

Nope.

The thought that flashed through my mind was growled. It wasn't normal happy-go-lucky Brashivalampathorus. The titjob and the cocksucking and my first orgasm of the night, plus the earlier excitement of the day, smooshed together into a big old finger, which flipped my serious switch from off to oh it's fucking on baby. My hand lashed out and I caught her wrist, holding her firmly, but not crushing her or anything. A quiet gasp of shocked arousal came from Alex - and then I tugged her into my body. My sleekly muscled form pressed to her back and I pushed her head to the side, leaning over her shoulder. I kissed her - tasting only a faint hint of my cum. She had drank deeply and had clearly relished every single droplet. Now, my tongue and hers played together as both of my hands cupped and squeezed her slick, sloppy breasts.

I tugged on her nipples, enough to draw a quiet: "Ahh!" from her.

Even her voice was more husky with lust.

I grabbed my blindfold, tugging it up and over my head. I tossed it foward with a casual flick of my wrist. The blindfold settled on Alex's face in the darkness. My eyes were half closed as I tugged the blindfold taut, pressing my nose into her short hair. I guess she had gone all in for her new style. I growled, quietly. "You know, I liked the long hair. And the skinny body." Alex tensed.

Then I pushed her forward. Her hands pressed against the headboard of the bed as I swung myself onto her back. My voice was hot in her ear. "But you know what, Alex? I'd fuck you in any form." My cock slapped against her soaked, blazingly hot sex, grinding every single inch of my dragonhood against her. My hands gabbed her shoulders, pressing her forward. Alex's tough, vampirish body, responded by growing wetter and more eager as I slipped my hips backwards. Scales grew along my body as my dragonish side started to fully emerge.

My lips twisted as my head grew into a muzzle. My grin was fierce and my teeth were sharp. Smoke roiled from my nose and my tail started to lash behind me. Alex was shivering almost as much as she had when she had first arrived - but she was far from cold. And far from being afraid. Her thighs had spread even wider, and she was ducking her head forward, burying it against her pillow. Muffling herself as I started to grind against her, pressing the tapered tip of my dragon dick against her soaked cunny.

"Lets make you mine..." I purred, reveling in the dominant feeling of being a proper, true, dragon.

"Godsyes!" Alex mumbled, her voice almost unrecognizable with excitement and pillow muffling.

She needed that pillow. Her teeth bit in deep and hard, almost as deep and as hard as she had on my neck earlier, as I slammed into her. Every single inch of my cock spread her wider and wider, her sex tight around my member like a silken vice. Her muscular arms tightened and her shoulders bunched under my hands as her whole body went stiff. Her mouth opened and a ragged moan of pure bliss escaped her lips as she shuddered and gasped, then arched her spine to drive her hips against me with a wet slap. My balls slapped her clitty as I thrust back.