But I Don't Smoke - Simon's Story

Her Mom threw together a grilled chicken salad for us all, and we eat in sort of silence, words were not being said for the fear of upsetting anyone.

After food, we went to her bedroom for some privacy, and found space between the boxes and hugged, and kissed, and held each other close. There was no sex; it wasn't the right time emotionally. It would have been so nice, but also so wrong. Plus, she was far too busy smoking.

I am going to miss her personality, her smile, her arse and legs, but I have definitely concluded I don't think I will miss her cigarettes.

Eventually she released me and let me go to my parents for my own personal emotional rollercoaster with them.

So, before I power down and pack up the laptop this entry sadly ends the current updates with D. 

Readers just a couple of thoughts: -

• Shall we see if this continues later in the year? We I/she move on at college?
• As I could "easily" find a non-smoker at college. BUT D and I haven't broken up, have we? Also, I don't think I am that sort of person... am I?
• Let's see how a long-distance relationship lasts for the both of us...Hopefully a little longer than one of D's cigarettes...

S

December 14^th

Hi Readers, thought I should update you again-

I had sex with D; we met up for the first time since getting back from college.

She was calling me from the car on the way home yesterday and invited me around to hers as soon as she was back.

It was like nothing had changed; she was sitting there in the lounge with a cigarette! Well as it was December she was in a warm looking long-sleeved purple roll neck woolly jumper and thick winter jeans rather than strappy summer tops and short skirt, and I can tell you another thing that had changed; she had different cigarette pack with her, the same ones that I had bought for our boat trip, the Marlboro reds, I think they were called, that was nice to see!

We had spent the last few months talking every night, texting throughout the day, in-between lectures there was incredible energy which needed to be dealt with.

D's Mom was out shopping or doing her deliveries, and so there was no messing around, D got up off the sofa and almost reluctantly stubbed the cig out as she got up and exhaled her smoke out of her nose and mouth and came up and gave me the biggest squeeze of a hug and a smoky kiss. Readers its lovely to kiss her, but I don't think I have missed the bitter taste on her tongue!

I think the emotion of seeing me caused as she shut the door of her bedroom to then burst in to tears, as her tear ducks went into overdrive and the water poured down her cheeks you could tell she was debating looking for her cigarettes or hugging me. I am grateful for that moment that she chose me and then gave me another kiss, this time it was of course a little salty. We stood there in her bedroom quietly hugging not doing anything. We were both lost in the moment. Readers it must be said that the roll neck jumper is really warm and comfy to hug!

As the hug broke up, she started unbuttoning her jeans, I asked if she was sure, and even with the tear drops still on her cheeks she nodded and pulled her jeans down to the floor. I couldn't help but smile, her knickers were purple as well. Guess it's the closest thing I will get to matching underwear.

Anyway, just as before it wasn't long before we were both naked on the bed, there was so much pent-up energy between us it was frantic, kissing, stroking, and loving. It showed how much we missed each other, but there was something else missing, I couldn't put my finger on it. Maybe it was time apart?

We went through the motions of turning each other on, she is gorgeous and so it was difficult for her to turn me on. It wasn't long until we were lying side by side panting as she grabbed a cigarette and lighter from the pack beside her bed and placed it between her lips.

I could only lye there are watch as she played with the smoke drifting between her lips after one of the exhales, she didn't force it like she usually does, it slowly drifted out of her mouth before she tried catching it all again and inhaling it deep into her lungs. After playing cat and mouse with her smoke after the fourth deep inhale of the cigarette she explained how much she had missed me, I explained it was mutual! I didn't dare check that was actually referring to me and not the cigarette she had just lit.

After a while it was nice in bed, but I was restless, so we got up and slowly got dressed again, we were quiet, the built-up energy between us spent. We headed back to the sofa and had a hot chocolate. She curled up in a ball bringing her knees up against her chest and leaned against me on the sofa and lit another of her cigarettes. It was cute, warm, and nice, but Readers it felt forced.

Something had changed readers, it wasn't special like it had been over the summer, and the "spark" had gone.

It got to lunch time, and she offered to make me lunch, but I suggested that I got back to see my parents. She didn't fight the decision, she accepted it.

Readers I think we both knew at that moment; it wasn't going to continue for too long. It was sad; I gave her a big hug and a kiss. We both agreed to meet up later in the week.

December 20^th

Readers- Sad news as of yesterday with only a few days to go before Christmas, D and I are officially no longer a couple, we spoke to each other once we had finished spending the afternoon at the mall. You know getting last minute things for our friends. I am a man; I would have much preferred to do this on Christmas Eve, but needs must?

We even got the Mall early, but going shopping with D is not "fun" as its seems you can really can spend 20 minutes in every hour trying to leave and then get back in the mall and then back to the shop you were in originally only to spend 40 minutes mooching, before you have to start thinking about the whole process again of heading back down the escalators to the front doors for her to have yet another cigarette. This whole process really does help her choose the best presents apparently.

As it was the build up to Christmas it was rammed, people everywhere. You couldn't just walk to where you wanted to go; you sort of had to go with the flow of hundreds of other people. You couldn't go anywhere quickly; it was frustrating for me anyway.

About 45 minutes from her first cigarette break from shopping, she mooted that it was time to head back downstairs; I suggested that I went to the food mall and waited until she returned. She nodded and then sort of flounced off. Readers even D looks rather sexy flouncing, but she did it partly because she getting that emotional nagging feeling regarding needing another cigarette she obviously gets and partly because she didn't want to go down three flights of escalators with hundreds of other people on her own. I didn't fancy going all that way for just 3 minutes if she had one or even 6 if she had two back-to-back whilst standing in the freezing cold again. It was a stressful situation made even more stressful by her necessity to smoke. I know readers it is her, and she is gorgeous, amazing and wonderful and she is/was my girlfriend, but ultimately, I just couldn't cope. Yes, readers I couldn't cope.

I had enough time to order and drink a coffee before she returned. I am guessing she must have two cigarettes in that time and Readers, it was there on my own sipping my gingerbread latte listening to jingles bells for what felt like the 20^th time that morning being pumped out around the mall that I determined the distance we are apart from each other, the brief time we would enjoy together before going our separate ways again in January was too much for me to bear with, we needed a break, and I think I needed some freedom. There were so many parties at college that there were several lovely NON-SMOKING girls fliting with me that I had to turn down, that maybe I shouldn't have. Oh Readers, it is difficult, isn't it?

We had THE chat in the car on the way back after we had our lunch; the whole drive home she manged to be continuously smoking a cigarette, as soon as one was close to finishing she would use it light the next, I think she smoked four or five in the 20 minutes it took us to get to her house, in between deep lungful's of that awful toxic smoke she admitted deep down it was right decision and knew where the conversation was going but didn't want to admit it.

We did hug goodbye, but didn't kiss. We cheesily agreed to be friends as we both cried, but we shall see. She is very much currently going a different route to me, and I don't think I want to be on that path.

It was a hard afternoon. But I met up with K and co in the evening and got rather drunk. They kept pestering me to try and flirt with the other girls around us as a rebound, but I just couldn't do it, not within 5 hours of splitting up with D.

So, readers, we shall see when I update this again. Who knows!

S

14^th May

Knock, Knock anyone here?

If anyone is still checking up on this story, I must admit I totally forgot out this page. As college and life distractions including but not limited to almost acquiring a wife! Yes, readers it has been nearly four years since I last updated this page. It only took me twenty attempts to get the password right.

So, M...WOW what an amazing girl, BUT I think I pick them. She was not right. She was more than a little possessive and crazy and I am glad that I got out just in time- no readers not at the alter- that would have been cruel it was even before we booked anything.

It was my parents that told me that I needed to stop everything and break up with her, they found it disturbing that as soon as I put a ring on her finger, it was like a switch had been flung, she was controlling my life and not allowing me my freedom to meet up with whoever I liked.

She was as fit as anything. She knew of D as they went to the same gym. M loved running and liked nothing better than to run half marathons on Sunday mornings. So, I would be expected to be down in car parks at 6 in the morning carrying her supplies of water, spare clothes, and sustenance so that she could run and run.

The running meant that she was extremely slim and sexy. But she wasn't as curvy or muscular as D. Interesting. She had so much energy sex could go for hours, longer than I could. Rather than ending in a coughing fit like it often did with D, it was powerful and enjoyable. You may ask why I keep mentioning D. I will get to it.

Anyway, after yet another lengthy session of explaining to M exactly who and what every single text, tweet, and Facebook message I sent in the last week, I then explained our engagement and relationship was over.

Yup Readers as expected that didn't go down to well, she exploded and actually thumped me. Until only last Thursday I still had two cracking purple bruises on my chest. When I looked in the mirror, they actually looked like I was always wearing a purple bra. I am lucky she didn't break my ribs.

So where was I. Yes D...

So earlier today I was getting some gas for the car and as I headed in to pay, who do I bump into trying to juggle 400 cigarettes out of the door, yup D.

Readers 4 years later she still looks stunning. Yes, there is a little bit of aging and maybe a bit of filling out to the face, but unlike me she is still in college and the stress of learning, and of course smoking...but she is keeping herself in good shape. Must be the genes? Not sure many can smoke as much as her and still be in as good as shape?

She was down for a long weekend just before her final master's exams in computer science. I didn't have the focus to stay for the extra year, so good on her! Anyway, she was down for her mom's wedding. Yes, readers D's mom is getting married- so they needed to stock up on cigarettes for her, her mom and her mom's smoking friends that were all descending on the house in preparation for the wedding they wanted to have some as "Wedding Favours" whatever they are. I never got that far in the wedding research.

So Readers...out of somewhere, I think personally nowhere- why I do these things to myself I don't know, it's obvious she is still a smoker and I have come to the conclusion I DON'T LIKE SMOKERS- and she was clearly carrying 400 bloody cigarettes with her, so readers you guessed it...I offered to catch up with her over a coffee full well knowing she would refuse... you know seeing as we haven't really spoke in 4 years and well life and that she is busy getting ready for a wedding. But Readers what wasn't part of the plan...she quickly agreed.

She actually agreed to meet me for an hour or so for a Coffee at Starbucks in town before she was needed at the wedding practice with her mom.

I slowly made my way inside to pay and luckily there was a queue as I watched through the large glass windows as she sat in the car paused for a few seconds clearly thinking, then smiled, wound down the window, extracted a cigarette from the pack on the passenger seat, fired up her lighter, lit the cigarette and then in a cloud of exhaled through her nose and mouth smoke she slowly drove off... My focus on the window was broken by the teller shouting Sir...

S