by iWriter4U
Sex with family and no romantic love expectations? Just fucking to get your rocks off.
This was well written. Though, I find the plot to be lacking and confusing. And I take offense in you tagging your story with stuff that is not included in the actual chapter. That's a big Nope in my book.
If you had just gone the established route of the usual nonsensical masturbation fantasies, and had used an MC who had already lusted after his family, this would be a lot better. Now, however, after you included the tidbit about your MC never having entertained the idea of sleeping with his family, it's kinda weird that he simply jumped at the opportunity without even a second of hestitation.
So, for the well written text that has nothing new or interesting to offer, and completely skips on emotions, it would be a perfectly average 3/5. Given the MC's weird behavior and the misleading rosa-blanca.ru, however, I'll vote 2/5.
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BTW... what would've happened if you had gone the other route, and the MC had asked to think it over? His Mother made it very clear that his coupon was only viable for that one single day. Was that some kind of FOMO manipulation to make her son accept it without thinking too much, some kind of ultimatum, or did they just not think about it properly? Given the total lack of emotional development or thought process on your MC's part, it's hard to tell.
😞 Sorry, but I was expecting a brother/sister incest story since I searched the brother-sister tag and ended up here. Mother/Son makes me gag. 😞 1/5
Would like a description of the mother
so I can picture in my head, makes it more interesting but
great start.
Too bad he wasted one cum by jerking off. I would have had the 1st time with mom be for the night, in her bed, with her in a sexy baby doll and heels. The 1st should be extra special, being a slow full exploration of her body and then making love to her and cuddling afterward. Then sometime during the night his reappearing boner would be ready to out and out fuck her. She could also say, during their joining that he could call her by her name. Please keep going!
Liked this story. Looking forward to next instalment. Characters do need a little fleshing out but I think you can do that in subsequent chapters. Don't rush into him with his sister suggest further lesson from mother with him putting more thought into what they both want and building father sister characters. Finally please don't rush into anal I always find it a bit silly when characters start having it the second time they have sex. *****
I have seen a version of this story once before. I got just as hard this time as the first time I read it. Please keep it going.....
Wow. I didn't expect the harsh comments. I'll address a few of the concerns here. Not sure why, I doubt anyone comes back to look at others' comments but here we go regardless.
- Story rosa-blanca.ru: The rosa-blanca.ru are more about the entire series, but looking a little closer at this chapter, I was hoping you would see the inevitable brother-sister action. It's coming.
- Character Descriptions: Unless a particular feature of a character is needed for the story, I often don't worry about character description. In the past, members have criticized my characters for not being their type. I don't get the entitlement there, but it doesn't matter. I also enjoy people creating my characters in their heads as they read. They will tend to spawn a character that appeals to them.
- Wasting an orgasm: It's not a waste when, at the time, he had no idea what he was in store for that day.
- Confusing storyline: I honestly don't know how it came across as confusing. The main character didn't previously consider incest as an option, but I did not ever address him thinking about the idea and discarding it. When presented with the option, it was clear he thought about his upcoming decision. Perhaps I could have went through the decision process as a thought dialog, but it is what it is. As for the one day only thing tossed in there, I suppose I took the easy way out. I could have written a longer chapter where several days or weeks pass and the tension builds until he finally says yes, but I also didn't want to find myself in a trap where it could be seen that the mother coerces the son. I don't like the idea that someone is doing something against their true will, hence the one day limit.
- No Romantic Love Expectation: I expressly wrote about the mother and father being given the same options when they came of age. They fell in love. The parents specifically say that the requirement for Simon and his sister to become romantically involved is not there. Many people have sex for reasons not involving procreation so, to criticize this story for that same reason doesn't feel fair to me. Not mad about it, just pointing it out.
Finally... - It seems your goal on this website is to not contribute at all while criticizing the works of those who do. I would recommend that if you find that necessary for you to be happy, by all means ensure that your house is in order before you start throwing stones. That includes spelling "criticize" properly. Also, I'd love to learn how you came about that entitled feeling you have.
Everyone is entitled to their opinions and personal preferences. Me? I prefer properly developed stories in favor of two-minute porn plots. But you're right. I don't contribute to literotica, I publish on other sites. So, feel free to completely dismiss my comments because of that, or because of that typo you found in it. What do you care about a reader who's giving you a proper reason for WHY they rated your story the way they did, and then have the opportunity to incorporate those suggestions into your work (if you want to). Readers should just be thankful for what you give them and shut up. No need to suggest anything that could possibly improve your writing. Since it's free, it should automatically be a 5/5, right?
But I stand by my rating.
When I called your plot confusing, I didn't mean that as in "I don't understand what is happening", but as in "I don't understand why these characters behave this way". Again, proper development, thought processes, and all that. So, harsh or not, I don't see how this submission is in any way more noteworthy than all the other stories that get submitted by the dozens on a daily basis. I apologize if I offended you by not judging your one and a half page story to be the best thing ever.
I have no problem with the storyline, nor the rather shallow explanation.
What struck me, though, as with more of your stories, the link with a bible.
For sure, that book should be globally blacklisted, for it incites nothing but misery, mysogyny, torture, genocide, murder and war all the while being wrong on all subjects, therefor being the very last source for morals and ethics